EGL // lashton

thirty seven

Ashton opened the door to the old and small family house he once was so familiar with. He stepped inside and didn't bother to close the door after himself as he walked farther into the house.

With slow steps Ashton walked over to the wall of pictures, eying them with a small frown on his face. It looked like he was confused as he let his eyes roam the empty space in the middle of the wall.

With a sigh he turned his head and watched that one picture frame lying face down on the counter beside him. With slightly shaky hand he picked it up and studied it.

It was the family picture, that one family picture that had caught Luke's eyes. Ashton still hated it. He hated how they looked like a normal family. He hated how his father could look so at peace with himself even though he had brought his whole family into a life of death.

Ashton wasn't the one to talk though, he had done the same thing to Luke, so he was probably as bad as his father. He just now realized he didn't want to do that to Luke.

Ashton wanted Luke to be able to live. Luke should be able to live his full life; be able to start his own family without having his children judging him for bringing him into such a dangerous life.

But as Ashton now had left Luke at home, alone, he contemplated if he should just leave and never come back. Maybe he should be the biggest coward in New York and just leave Luke all together, never once glance at the boy ever again.

But he wasn't a coward. Not with the life he live or what he's done. He was fucking awful - he knew and enjoyed that fact about himself - but he wasn't a coward. He couldn't even imagine himself giving up so easily even if something was so hard.

He's killed several people, more than anyone would actually be proud of, and he never regretted or had a hard time with it. But he had a real fucking hard time with love, and even though he'd tried to give up, he couldn't.

He sighed and placed the picture down on the counter, this time face up, and looked at it while digging through his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He pulled one of the tobacco sticks out of the box and placed it between his lips.

Ashton hadn't smoked in a while, all due to Luke and the fact that the young boy always grimaced as soon as Ashton even placed a hand on the cigarette box. Ashton was frustrated by it because smoking was obviously something that made his body relax as much as possible, but with Luke around he was always left on edge.

So maybe it was good that he had left Luke to be on his own, because now Ashton could smoke as much as he wanted and needed, and that without Luke grimacing every second through it.

He lit the cigarette with the old metal lighter he always carried, and took a deep inhale to feel the thick smoke both caress and stab the inside of his throat. It was a pleasure he had been longing for for such a long time, but it still didn't calm the longing he had after Luke.

It had only gone 1 hour, and Ashton missed Luke already.

"Fucking whipped" Ashton mumbled as he held the stick between his forefinger and middle finger and tapped the edge to watch the ashes fall down and land on the family photo.

Ashton exhaled the smoke and eyed the photo once again, keeping his eyes locked with the pair of happily gleaming eyes his younger self always wore.

He bit his lip and ran his thumb over the photo of himself, brushing the ashes away before pressing the burning stick against his two year old self's face, putting out the cigarette silently.

His phone started to ring in his pocket but that didn't face him at all. He kept his gaze on the put out cigarette and the ruined family photo. He slowly placed another cigarette between his lips before picking up his phone and answered with a simple sigh.