The Limbic's Game

Chapter 15

Teddy Rossum

Well, she had the chance.

What can I do if she doesn't want me around? That's what I thought anyway, she obviously thinks that this "Dylan" is better than me.

He isn't here right now though, is he? He isn't following her around at the drop of a hat, trying to do the best he can for her. She seemed vulnerable; in need of help. Now it's clear that she is just a bitch. There is one obvious word that springs to mind when I think of her.

User.

She's taken advantage.

There is nothing I can do now. Even though I'm hurt and what they said is true. I still have feelings for her

How do I know anything she said to me was even partly right? I even felt for the girl. She's so beautiful, and smart. I'd even go as far as to say that she was damn sexy.

I feel cheated.

What's worse is the fact about what we had...What we had felt genuine. I had fallen for her; and all of the time she was playing me for the wellbeing of some other guy and herself. When I asked her about her family, or anything to do with where she came from; I got no response or something vague like, 'I only live in the moment.'

But looking at her body language and her eyes when she wasn't looking at me, I saw the heavy duty guard drop a little.

Emotions were leaking through. And just for a second, I saw the real Tasha.

She didn't want to live in the moment. What I saw confirmed to me was that she desperately wanted to live in the past; to be back to a life when she had a steady home and surroundings. I could tell that she was nervous everywhere she went.

Every conversation we had, all of the emotion that we apparently poured out to eachother. We often had a competion to see who's life was the worst out of  the two of us. I always won - but i could tell that she was holding something back; she didn't want to out-do me for fear that I would look at her in a different way...

Now that way of looking can finally be seen as the view of the truth; Lying and shrouding her truths from me.

I now see how naive I am, and I will never attach myself to anyone in this way for as long as I am still breathing.

She was never quite there. Always detached.

Always unfeeling.

Her eyes darted around a lot. It was like we were being followed: and I was beginning to doubt my safety around her. I might be a grease monkey at my local car garage for some money in my pocket, but I'm certainly not up for this kind of lifestyle.

Always looking over my shoulder, not being able to trust anyone; anyone but her. But even now I have no one that I can trust on this journey.

I'm starting to think that I can't even trust myself.

Will I lead myself astray?

I want to stay the same person that I have always been: but everyone knows that your person can change without you yourself even realising.

Fuck it.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know who I am.

And I sure as hell don't know her as well as I thought I did.

User.

Cheated.

She's taken advantage.

What the fuck do I do now? The problem is, after all this I still love her with all of my heart and more. Is this right for me?