"I love you-Blaine"

Chapter 23: New Resolutions

Blaine had always loved the idea of a new year, it allowed him to look at what he wanted to focus upon for the next upcoming year that of course was going to be full of unwanted overly dramatic antics and stress, it was graduation year for him of course. And no, he never thought that a new year would be the perfect excuse to post a "New year, new me" status because of course that, to Blaine, was stupid and didn't end up with any change whatsoever.

It took Blaine no time at all to figure out what his new years resolution was. Waking up, feeling a lot less high, he immediately homed on his wish for the year: To get a job. Blaine knew the stress of a job would possibly add one too many large responsibilities onto what seemed to be a very small plate, with too much on it. But Blaine realised that the job was the key to what he truly wanted this year: Freedom. Of course tensions with the "Anderson clan" as his father liked to call it, had risen to an all time high. Despite the disputes of the past few weeks, an explosion was coming: a big one, and Blaine needed to minimalize the casualties: his own. So he settled on getting a job, getting it swift and easily and saving money to buy an apartment, here in good old "Lima Ohio: Where dreams are made!" Blaine scoffed at the idea of Lima being a place where dreams were made. He saw it much more as the place that destroyed dreams, and crushed family relationships, but, upon realising that, he re-evaluated and blamed his family instead. "It isn't a towns fault that my parents are workoholics who barely want to see me, even when they are back, and it isn't the towns fault that my brother is a callous prick who is convinced my boyfriend is an adulterous ass, who also dated my best friend." Blaine thought to himself as he brooded over the dysfunctional nature of the "Anderson Clan."

Blaine was imagining the face of his 'sweet' mother when he announced he was leaving, and the beetroot coloured face, screaming anger of his father when he gave a final "Fuck you" to his family. Blaine was in a very spiteful mood, when he checked his phone for notifications which showed to him one message from his favourite person in the world, his only friend/lover, his only ally in combat:

"How's it going my Hashed  husband-to-be?"-Seb

Hashed? Blaine was confused at what that meant. Then he slowly realised what he meant: Hashed. Hashed. He had unknowingly ate brownies with pot in them. Blaine laughed a bit. Hashed was a funny word to him and begun to say it continually until it lost all meaning. He looked at the message from Sebastian his "husband-to-be!"

"Wait husband to be? What?" Blaine said aloud. What does that even mean? He wasn't under the impression they were to be wed at first chance, but he contemplated it. Would it be so bad? Sebastian was the only person ever to defend him and stand by him in times of need. Blaine resolved it wouldn't be a bad thing, a blessing in fact.

"Blaine Smythe" he said aloud. "Sebastian Anderson?" He liked Blaine Smythe.

But then words came to his lips and vocalised before he could think about it:

"Blaine Hummel." pause. "Kurt Anderson." He liked Kurt Anderson. But he didn't like Kurt. Kurt was overly confusing, kissing him at first, then telling Blaine he didn't like him, then acting like he cared, when he probably didn't because he was still with Cooper. This is why he liked Sebastian. Sebastian Smythe was of all things, not easy, easy to love yes, but not easy. The entire issues they've had hasn't been that many but he does realise Sebastian can be flawed, he can be cruel if he wants. But he's reasonable and he's straight to the point, unlike that of Kurt Hummel.

"Hello future husband. I am doing fantastic! Do you know how much of a cool word Hashed is? From Mr B.Smythe." -Blaine

Blaine chuckled at his own wit, which was at the time, pot still talking and making him seem delirious and confusing. He arose from his very untidy bed and proceeded to the hallway. He looked around. He listened for sound. Nothing. He liked the peace, like the calm before a storm rolling in on a barren wasteland, waiting to be destroyed into a scene of scorched earth and he knew who would do the scorching. He saw the two holes in the wall he had created mere days ago. He sighed. He admired his strength, how he bust through a wall to choke someone. He admired how fierce and violent he could be compared to the quiet nature everyone expected him to display. People honestly thought Blaine was weak, easy to hurt, quick to sadden at the hint of travesty. But he was not weak. He could be strong. But then thoughts of the time he stormed off, and laid in the snow, and all the times he has blacked out. Was that not a sign of weakness? If not from the physical department, the mental one? He considered if he had a mental illness of any form, but had never really registered he could have. He tried to think of any traumatic events that had caused this to happen. He couldn't recall. But there was the entirety of his childhood which seemed loveless at times. No, he thought to himself, No. This is not Trauma, this is lust for love which he finally received from Sebastian. Plus if there was any major childhood Trauma of Blaines, he would have remembered it. Wouldn't he have?

He then, pressed his face to the holes in the wall, which were seemingly larger than he thought they were, and peered into Coopers room, which he was greeted by, with an ungodly sight:

Cooper, and Kurt. Lying in the bed. Naked.

Instead of growing Angry, Upset or even feeling the slight tinge of revolting, he felt nothing. He just stared for a moment more than he should have. He proceeded down stairs whilst thinking to himself:

"Should I have cared? Why do I feel nothing? Why am I not even remotely irritated at the sight of my best friend with my brother? Is this the price of anger? Growing to have no care for your own best friend? Is he even my Best Friend anymore?"

All those days ago where Kurt and Blaine hung out together and entered a realm of puberty which entailed so much stress, anger, emotional mood swings and transformation were gone. All those memories of them watching pizza, playing tag and singing along to duets on YouTube were just that: Memories. Because his best friend was gone, Kurt was no longer a Kurt Blaine wanted to know. Kurt was just an ass now. Blaine thought he had reached a conclusion. He no longer cared because he had grown immune the unending amount of drama Kurt had brought into his life, and he no longer reacted because he didn't need to, he wasn't the asshole: Kurt was.

"There's a new years resolution I can stick with!" Blaine laughed after a moderate thinking process of untangling a mixed amount of questions.

He then heard a noise from the kitchen. It startled him. He keeps forgetting there is family home. "Shocker" he tells himself, laughing at the surrealism that his parents were actually at home. He entered the kitchen and found his mother eating a bowl of cereal. She looked up and smiled:

"Blaine!" She said excitedly.

Blaine stared blankly back at her "Hey Mom." he replied

"How are you deary? Happy New year too!" She said excitedly.

"Thanks, you too. I'm doing fine. Just a bit under the weather. How are you?" He said, with no expression, just a monotone voice.

"Aw that's not good. What did you do last night? And Mumma Anderson is good as per usual!" She exclaimed.

Mumma Anderson is always good until there are issues. Until there is a complication in her life. Mumma Andersons back is turned until it needs not to be, thought Blaine.

"I just went out with Sebastian and a few of his friends, they're some nice people in that school Mom." Blaine said, still staring his mother down, not blinking. It was something Blaine had always want to do, communicate with the eyes, and his eyes were saying "Look at me, look at how you have rejected me."

"That's good to hear sweetie!" she said "Did you want to transfer there? We have the money, and i'll be dammed if you graduate from a public school."

Dalton Academy. Blaine had never thought about a transfer there. The only reason Blaine turned down a private institution was so he could stay with his best friend Kurt, but since that ship had sailed, he saw no reason why he couldn't leave. Just cut his losses now and move on. But he didn't want to cramp Sebastian.

"Maybe." he said. 

"Oh Honey, I know you may want to stay because of Kurt, but think about YOUR education." his mother said.

This was some good advice for once.

"I don't want to stay there for Kurt. I'm Done. I'm not the Asshole but i'm going to cut my loses and move on."

"I'll see what I can do." she said, smiling. "Oh and what's your new years resolution?"

"I'm going to get a job" Blaine said.

"That's an amazing idea! You know, the Lima Bean is hiring at the moment AND with good pay!" Mumma Anderson exclaimed.

"I'll hand in an application then" Blaine said.

He begun to walk away when he stopped. He realised NOW he cared. NOW he felt something. A mother knows her sons heartstrings.

"And what is your New Years resolution, Mom?"

His mother looked down. Pause. She looked Blaine right in the eyes and said:

"I'm going to divorce your father. And, I'm going to be a better mother to my son."