Death Row's Delirium

Eighteen: Mayonaise

Gerard-

I hear the pacing, I hear all the murmurs and cusses he let out. Part of me really wanted to cry, part of me really wanted to die. Part of me knew this was irrational, but part of me was already consumed in fantasy.

Part of me was missing, and I don't know how to solve it. Solving anything seemed so far away, and at the moment I seemed to be irrelevant. I'm confused, utterly useless to the world. That is what I felt, maybe it's the same thing as losing someone special. You have this hole in you, and you remember the past way to often. The hole in your heart can never be filled, because another hole is filled with them, and that hole is six feet deep.

My thoughts were rather depressing, and it showed on my face that I was about to breakdown. The only thing keeping me was when Frank hugged me tight.

In all truth I felt embarrassed, because I had let myself lose control. I looked at him, tears in my eyes, lips trembling.

"I'm sorry about Jamia, I shouldn't have done anything. We aren't even dating, I was being irrational." I told him. His face changed into one of despair, I felt like shrinking back into my shell. If I had one, as of now I just shrank back into the covers. Frank's hand reached to touch me, only to stop when I flinch.

He breathes out. "No, it's fine. I should've have them gone when you moved in. I just, they were all I had. You're not irrational, I just should've talked to you sooner."

I started to tear up. "J-Jamia? She was your favorite, you lied just to save her? She means a lot to you, and I probably killed her.."

"Jamia. She was the one I was supposed to marry, but I later found out that she was a cheater. She doesn't know I found out, I called off the wedding. Telling her that I wasn't ready, she manipulated me. She thought she had it to where her and her friends would be my 'lovers' and would get away with stealing money. I didn't want to leave her because at the time they were all I had." Frank explained. I raised my eyebrows.

"She was lying cheating, gold digger. I'm glad you got rid of them, I don't care about what you did. Your actions weren't irrational, and I know we haven't talked about it, but I'd like to have a relationship with you." Frank said, my cheeks flushed when he confessed his feelings for me. Looking down I nodded, letting him know that I would too.

"Gee? How about from now on, you can be mine. You can be anything you want, as long as you're mine." Frank said.

"Only if you're willing to be mine, I don't want to feel like I've been betrayed again Frank." I said to him. He nodded before kissing me, his lips were soft and he tasted like strawberries. He kissed me harder before whispering in my ear.

"Baby doll, you're all mine. Just to let you know, you're the only one who can kiss me like this." Frank said, it was a touching moment. I felt him shudder when I giggled and put my cold hands under his shirt.

It saddened me how I was wasting my life away, but now I planned to get better and become the person that my family could look up to.

"Frank? My family, where are they?" I asked Frank. He smiled, and I rose an eyebrow.

"Your family is in another place, they are being watched in their new home. I know they meant a lot to you, so they're being treated like guest. Your brother, is coming soon too." He said, and I wanted to burst in tears because I haven't seen Mikey in the longest. He sensed that and grabbed my hand, along with smiling when Cali entered.

"Well, it seems you've settled things. Gerard I would love for you to meet someone later on. For now enjoy the time you have with Frank, it's going to be pretty hectic week and I don't want anything to be messed up. Got that Frank?" Cali spoke.

Frank nodded, before cuddling with me and telling Cali to fuck off. Cali noticed that she was being a major cock block so she shut the door. She sighed and left them to do whatever they were doing. Many people would cringe, but Cali was proud that they had gotten the chance to sort things out. Of course that was because the future of their family depended heavily on them.

"Gerard? Do you wanna see your family? Or do you want cuddle and watch a movie?" Frank asked. I really wanted to see my family, but I was exhausted. So he decided that the last option seemed to call him. He smiled and looked at Frank with loving eyes.

"Let's stay here, I'll get to meet my family tomorrow. I really want to rest today, and spend sometime with you." I said, and I let him know that really I wasn't cut out to do anything that required work.

Frank smiled. "Okay baby doll, I want to spend sometime with you anyway."

I smiled and yeah it felt like heaven, I assume that's how this feels. Not just because I've never felt this happy, but for the first time since I've been put in that cell. I'm happy, and it seemed so surreal, I don't think people like me should be happy. They deserve to feel elated, we deserve more then happiness. So many people in the world who are living their lives to the fullest and other wanting to take their own lives. I knew that there was many times where I wanted to rid myself from any form of living, but even then, I had hope.

"Frank?" I said, looking up to see his hazel eyes. He smiles, and I smile back.

"Yes?" Frank responded.

I smiled again. "Never let me go, Frank."