Why me? [Levi x male reader] (EDITING)

14. Don't leave me

-Levi

My world crumbled down.
Everything felt funny as if that was a sick prank Petra was doing.

But why would she?
I know we broke up, but she understood we weren't for each other, we had spent four months in a fruitless relationship.
Yes, we did fuck, I admit I took her innocence away, and I'm the biggest idiot in the world for not using protection, I was the one to blame, I was the reason for all this.

I don't want to lose him.
He is my everything.
He is my all.
He is my world, my galaxy, my universe.
He is my calming night and my lighting day.
He can change my moods in a snap of a finger.
He controls me.
I am a puppet with strings to his commands, he controls my life.

He is the reason I feel content.
The reason I love.
The reason my problems disappear.
The reason my life seems brighter.
The reason id changed my ways.
The reason I can sincerely say...

I love you.

Only he owns my love, my sighs, and dreams, I can't imagine a day without his smile.
The way he would stare at me and bite his lips.
The way his voice calls my name.
The way his kisses mark my skin.
The way his smell feels like home.
I can not lose all this.

I'm not ready...
I don't want to be a father.
I cant. I won't. I shouldn't. I'm still young, but not young enough to fuck right?

My dreams had changed, my life will take another path, a living being has my blood rushing in its tiny body.
I'm battling.
I'm dueling.
My thoughts are fighting. Should I stay? Should I leave? Do I want to be part of its life? Or should I watch from afar? I can always come back later, right? Wrong.

I never met my sperm donor, aka father, he abandoned me and my mother, the moment he knew I was coming, he accused my mother of being a slut, he washed his hands clean from responsibility. And left I know now I have siblings but we don't talk his family such as uncles and aunts contact me to see how I've been but that's it. 

What if this is the case? Not likely.
Did she cheat on me? She couldn't. 
Is that kid mine? Yes, it is.
Is she just doing this so I can come back? I'm not sure.

Stop!
Your acting like him!
Or am I? Yes, I am.
Did he pass through the same thoughts? Maybe.
Did he feel this way? Probably.
I feel like taking his path.
But I can't, he won't let me, knowing him, he would sacrifice our love for that kid.
My kid.My pup.

I don't want us to part, I love him too much to abandon what we have.
But I have to choose.
Him or the baby.
Him.
Baby.
Him.
Baby?

My heart is shattered.
WHY DO I HAVE TO DECIDE!
WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING!?

I don't want this, I'm scared, I'm angry, I'm sad, I feel numb, yet have a soaring sea of emotions clasping against each other.

What do I do? What not to do? How should I act? Do I keep loving him? Should I leave him? Even if it kills me? A now rare love is growing for that unborn child and it's battling with my love for him.

There equally strong, there equally important, they can't compete, they're the same, they now both have my heart.

I looked at him, his sobbing form broke me, what was he thinking?
"Please don't leave me" I cried onto his shoulder, I hugged my fallen angel, I didn't want to let him go.

"Please Levi, let me go" his crying voice pleaded, no! I cant! I won't! I shouldn't!
"Don't leave me... I need you... I fucken love you! Don't leave" the last part is a whisper.
"Levi this is wrong, I don't want to be the reason you would leave that child alone, a father figure is important, don't abandon your child" his voice was filled with truth. It hurt the pureness in his words.

"But you would leave me" I harshly said.
"I won't," he said.
"You will, you'll abandon me, I made a mistake ok? I was careless! But fuck! You are the most real thing that has to happen to me!" I shouted.
"So are you... But-" he looked away.
"But nothing! I need you! Don't leave me" I grabbed his shoulders and kissed him, the pain of him trying to refuse was like my skin was torn away slowly as if my heart was cut deeply and left there bleeding, I pulled him closer.
I was not letting him go, not until his words of love were heard again, I can't live without him.
"Levi please" he turned his face.
My body lost touch.
Everything that had meaning disappeared, anger built up and got the best of me.

"Leave then! Abandon me! Even if I love you! Leave!" My shouts made him flinch but his eyes were filled with pain, I regretted yelling at him, but I was also hurt, I was also in pain from his sudden distance, he built a barrier between us, I was trying to break it but he kept one making it stronger, impenetrable, I couldn't reach it.

"Leave! That's what you want!" Tears streamed down my swollen, red eyes, breathing was hard, my hands shook, I was losing it.

"I don't want to leave... But I have to" why does he have to leave? why?
"If you leave that door, you're giving up on us" he had his hands in his fist, looking at the floor, he was also shaking and he was choking on his sobs, he grabbed his clothes and got dressed, he put his hand on the knob and turned to me.

"Are you coming?" He tried to smile but failed.
"To where" my voice betrayed my strength.
"With Petra, you said you would go with her" I walked towards him, and he slapped me.
"Don't you ever dare say or leave to my choice to abandon you, because I won't" and I knew he would not.