Chapter 37

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"Ashleigh?" I heard someone's voice so I flung my head around and there was Nate!

"Uh Nate what are you doing? How much did you see?" I panicked "I saw enough to know that you're hurting" he said "please don't tell anyone" I begged him "don't worry your secrets safe with me" he smiled "do you seriously get that much hate though?" He asked and I nodded "aw Ash. That's terrible. No one deserves that much hate. Especially an amazing person such as yourself" he said "thanks Nate. We both know I'm not that amazing and all but thank you" I told him "I know that you can get through this. I don't know you too well but I do know that you're capable of making it through this alright" he said "you're sweet. Thank you. It's just so hard when I get criticized for everything I do. It's all the hate which is why I'm afraid to wear shorts, crop tops even short sleeved tshirts" I admitted "seriously? Why though? There's nothing wrong with wearing what you want" "they all say in fat and I'm not gonna disagree. I have some stretch marks. I have meat on my bones. I understand this but for some reason they're so judgmental and it makes me feel bad about showing my body. I even feel insecure showing my baby belly. I wear Connors shirts to hide it!" I told him "that's not alright. You should be able to wear what you want and feel good in it. Besides your baby belly is a part of life. It's a special thing. You should show it off as much as possible" he said "thanks Nate. You are such a sweet person!" It kinda felt nice talking to him.

After a bit I decided that I was going to go to bed as I was tired and I knew that the longer I stayed up the worse is feel!

"Hey looser" Connor quietly said as he walked in "hey" I faked a smile "are you okay?" He came over to my side of the bed "yeh I'm fine" I said "ash. I've known you forever. What's wrong?" He asked sounding worried "I'm fine Connor. You don't have to worry about me" I told him sitting up "but I care about you Ashleigh" he said "and I appreciate that Connor but I'm sure I'm fine" I kept looking down when I said I'm fine "if you're so fine then look me in the eyes and say it" he said so I did "okay then. I am perfectly fine" my voice cracked halfway through the word perfectly and I ended in tears.

"Aw princess come here" he hugged me as I hugged him back crying into his shoulder "what's wrong?" He asked "society" I said "what's that mean?" he wiped a few tears off my cheek "the hate I've been getting a ton of lately is for being fat, and they're not talking about me with the baby bump but just in general, and how I'm so ugly especially without makeup and even the fact I'm 18 and pregnant. Society has everyone under this stupid idea that the perfect girl has to be a size 2 and wear make up and just look beautiful all the time and that people are completely stupid for getting married and having kids before they're at least 20. Like last time I checked I am allowed to do what I want with my life!!" I said "awe baby. Don't listen to them! They're all being stupid. You don't have to be a size 2 to be perfect. Your body is perfect just the way it is and as for the makeup thing, I'm not going to stop you wearing make up but I'm not going to tell you that you must wear it. Do whatever makes you feel good. But personally I think no makeup looks better on you" he smiled "thanks Connor" I said looking down "are you going to be okay?" He asked "I don't know" I admitted "did you want me to stay up here with you or are you alright alone?" He soon asked "I'll be fine up here alone for a while if you were busy downstairs" I told him "I've got to down and do something with the other boys but I promise I'll be up here as soon as possible" he said and I nodded.

To be honest I didn't want him leave me. All I wanted was him by my side. But at the same time I would've felt so selfish and rude telling him I wanted him to ditch what he was doing just so I could feel a little less sad.

I swear this universe hates me!!! I randomly started getting a ton of messages from numbers and emails I didn't have in my contacts so I went onto Twitter and tweeted 'why am I getting so many iMessages ??! What happened ?' I asked / tweeted soon to find out my email had been leaked ! I'm just glad it wasn't my number though !!

As I was waiting for Connor to come back up I was messaging some of the people .

There was quite a lot of good messages from the people who watched and enjoyed my videos but there was also hate from the people who just hated me!!!

"Ash?" Shelly walked in "hey" I said putting my phone down "you gotta come down and listen to the boys new cover ! They just finished editing it. They actually recorded and edited all by themselves!" She said so I decided to go check it out before they uploaded it.

I went downstairs and sat in the spare seat next to Connor.

Turns out the boys covered still into you by paramore and half way through it Connor turned to me and whispered 'the whole time we were recording, you were all I thought about' which, as cheesy as it was, make me blush/smile like crazy !!!

As everyone was talking about the cover and all that I started getting more and more messages and not all of them were nice, positive ones either!

"Are you okay?" Connor quietly asked me "uh what? Yeh. I'm um I'm fine" I stuttered "I know you're not and I want you to know that I'll always be here for you" he kissed my cheek "thank you so much Connor. I think I might just go get some sleep though" I told him "okay darling. I'll be up soon. Goodnight" he smiled.

CONNORS POV

Ash ended up heading up to bed and it honestly hurt me so much to see her hurting. I just wish that I could make her feel better. It seriously physically hurts me to see her like this. I knew that she wanted to pick up a razor or something. All I could do is hope that she doesn't end up hurting herself based off what others have said.

Ash had left her phone down here which was unlike her. She usually liked having her phone with her at all times! It kinda confused me to be honest. Then I noticed she was getting message after message spamming her phone. I know it's wrong but I had to see what was happening.

'Ugh hurry up and kill yourself already!!' One popped up. 'Stop using Connor to become famous and get money' another read don't get me wrong there was quite a lot of good messages from her fans and stuff but she really didnt deserve all the bad messages.

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