"Hey. The rest of us are all going to the movies tonight. Did you two wanna come?" Shelly came in "I don't really wanna go out but if you want to then yeh sure I'll come" I looked at Connor "nah I don't really wanna go out" Connor looked at me. "If you change your mind you're always welcome to come" she said before leaving.
Nate and Levi soon showed up and Shelly left the boys and came into my room as Connor went into whoevers room they were in.
"So why don't you wanna come out with us?" Shelly asked "look I'd love to but I can't sit still for that long right now" I said "why?" She was confused "cause it's the most uncomfortable thing after a while. My stomach starts to hurt and I feel sick and the chairs hurt my back more if I'm sitting for a long time and I just can't do it. That and I'm super tired" I admitted "fair enough. But we have to have a girls day soon!!" She said "agreed!" I smiled.
"Hey Shelly, we're leaving in a minute if you wanted to do anything quickly" Brad walked in and Shelly soon left and Brad took her spot on my bed. "You okay?" He asked "yeh why wouldn't I be?" I asked "I'm just asking. You sure you didn't want to come out?" He asked "yeh I just wanna stay here. I've got a ton of stuff to do" I told him "okay then. I'll see you later kiddo" he messed up my hair causing me to laugh.
Truth: I wasn't okay. I knew it, but no matter what I refused to tell the boys. I hate when they treat me like a little kid, asking if I'm okay every 2 seconds and always watching over me to make sure I don't hurt myself. It may sound nice to have people who are willing to help me when I feel like shit but honestly I just wanna be left alone. I don't need anyone worrying about me. I just wonder how long it'll be until I slip up and either tell someone or they figure it out on their own.
I decided to try and act like everything was perfectly fine and went in to the cinema room where Con Nate and Levi were.
"Hey what are you guys doing?" I asked "well we were having fun until you walked in" Levi joked "you're a rude person" I joked back as the boys continued to play around with a few of the instruments in the room.
"So what are you doing?" Connor looked up at me as I was standing and he was sitting. "Literally nothing. I finally finished editing and I don't know what to do with my life now" I admitted "did you wanna show off that you know how to play kids in the dark but Levi doesn't?" Connor laughed at Levi "hold up you can't? DUDE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" I laughed "even I can. And I'm a drummer not a guitarist" Nate also laughed "shut I'm I'm getting there. I keep misreading the tabs" he pouted "you looked it up online? You must be real desperate to learn it" I joked "what?" He asked "I learnt it by listening to the song" I said "I usually can do that but this song just messed with me and doesn't want me to learn it" he laughed.
After the pick on Levi session the guys wanted to watch a movie. A scary movie!!
I hated and loved scary movies. I hated them not because they scare me that much as I'm watching them but I just get so paranoid and I can't sleep that night because I'm so paranoid that a demon is living right out side my window and he lurks in and is gonna kill me ! But I love them because I get to cuddle up to Connor as much as I want !! Even though I do anyway but it's cuter when there a scary movie on and I really need a cuddle right now.
"The movie hadn't even started" he joked as I was already cuddled up to him "I don't care I just want a cuddle" I said smiling "you're so cute" Connor said as he caused me to blush.
Towards the end of the movie I couldn't stand sitting in that one spot! My back was aching and I started feeling sick and I just had to get up and move around a bit.
Of course as I was downstairs getting a drink the others had to come home !
All I heard was hitting of the door and as temps to open it and someone saying 'who has a light' and even though I knew it was them I was terrified!!
After a bit everyone was sat in the basement room thing messing around and I was on Twitter as I just wanted to tweet something but you know once you see one hate comment you have to see all the others. So that's what I was doing. Looking through hate comments/accounts!!
"Hey? Why are you looking at that stupid account?" Connor looked at me "I don't know I just wanna see what people say" I admitted as it was an Ashleigh Simpson hate confessions account.
I'll be the first to admit maybe it wasn't a good idea to start reading this because now I couldn't stop.
It wasn't long until I came up with an idea for a video so off I went excluding myself from the rest of the people and up into my room where I usually record.
"Okay so hey guys this video is quite a downer but let's read some hate comments from some of my videos and Twitter/Instagram posts" I said
"Why do you do that to your hair? Are you serious? Do you want it to all fall out you idiot" I started off with not so bad comments "well, I do this to my hair because I want to! I want multicolored hair that make people second look me. I want the crazy colors! My hair is not going to fall out anytime soon as I use healthy hair products and never bleach it!" I said
"What markers do you use to draw on your scars? Do you seriously think self harm is a joke" I read put "hold on ill find it" I grabbed a box from inside my drawers which had my razor in it "I've never lied about hurting myself nor will I! Self harm is a serious issue. I'm surprised I'm still alive from it to be honest" I answered
"Lemme guess the baby is a huge scam to make yours and Connors relationship more realistic" I read out and I seriously had to take a moment before answering. "See this is the number one thing I hate! You guys can't accept the fact that Connor and I are together and we're happy being together! We're happy being engaged to each other and we're happy to be having a baby together" I said almost breaking down into tears
"Please just go kill yourself! I can't stand your voice, your face, your videos or anything about you! Please fall off a cliff or something!!" My voice cracked "I don't really wanna respond to that" I said looking at more "you slut! You don't deserve to live! You don't deserve Connor either! I don't care what you do just go kill yourself!!!" I read as a tear fell.
I held back the tears a few questions more until I finally broke.
"Why did I think it was a good idea to make this video? I know I'm gonna get more hate below like 'stop crying baby' and all that but I just wanna say you can't tell a person whose been depressed and has self harmed for 6 years to go kill themselves. You shouldn't say that to anyone but especially a suicidal person! If I did actually go kill myself right now would you feel any better? Would you care? I've always wanted to be a person who didn't care what people thought of them but I guess I wasn't born like that! Sometimes I read these hate comments and they're 100x worse and it does make me think back and go 'why didn't I just end it then?' I don't understand why I'm not dead to be honest! I've lost so much blood. I thought about ending my life when I was in the coma. I've taken pills numerous times but for some unknown reason I'm still alive. Sure I'm grateful for my life. I have an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends, a healthy baby in my belly and a job that's fucking awesome but sometimes the hate over takes that and well I want to die!" I cried "this video probably won't even be uploaded but I don't care I just needed to say that wether it gets a million views, five or non. I need to say this and I don't care" I said wiping my eyes "I'm just so glad I didn't put makeup on today. Which is another thing! Most girls get hated on for not wearing makeup? Since when did that become the be all and end all? If you don't want to wear makeup fuck what anyone else says! I know what it's like. I feel the need to put makeup on everyday. If Connor and I are going out, makeup. If I'm catching a plane at 3AM, makeup. Even when I record a video I feel the need to wear make up because you guys think it's so important that if I don't I'm breaking some law or some shit. Like it's make up! It's like when girls choose be shirtless or something. It's our body. We can do what we want. If you wanna walk around town wearing no shirt you do that! If you want to not wear makeup you do that!! Guys aren't obligated to do this stuff so why should girls!? The universe needs to sort it's shit out because honestly it's messed up. Okay I'm don't reading hate and ranting. I'll see you guys later. Bye" I said ending the video.
"Ashleigh?" I heard someone's voice
YOU ARE READING
Bradley's Little Sister ((Connor Ball The Vamps Fan Fiction))
Fanfiction{PART 1 IS COMPLETE AND PART 2 HAS KICKED OFF BEING ADDED TO THIS BOOK SO YOU DONT HAVE TO GO SEARCHING FOR IT} Life sucks. It's come to a point where pain is a normal feeling for me and that actually feeling happy is very rare. My best friend, Con...
