The Gamers (MattXOC Death Note Fanfic)

Breathing

Matt's POV

"She's not breathing!" I cried, she had breathed out but nothing more. I thought she was holding her breath but she didn't look to be straining. Tears formed in my eyes as I panicked and realised that she may be... I can't bring myself to say it.

"What?" Robin stared at me; just for half a second. "Kensou, do you know about this?! What's happening?!" Robin looked up at Kensou and Kensou just looked at her unemotionally. She took the hint and realised that he couldn't say anything unless he was to damage the future. Mello ran over and knelt by Guess's side and checked her pulse.

"Her heart is still going, but it's faint, should we get Watari?" He looked at Robin and Robin looked at the scar.

"No. We have to save her..." After a moment she stood up and looked at me. "You have to save her, Matt."

"What do you mean?!"

"You know what I mean. It's up to you. Save her life. Do whatever you can think to do." She turned away from me and looked at Mello. He understood and left the room with her. It was just me and Guess.

"Where are you going?!" I thought about running after then but it came in my head what I had to do as one of my tears landed on the floor.

I moved Guess so that she was lying on the floor facing upwards with her hands by her sides. I controlled myself and remembered the bit of training I had from my dad on CPR.

"Come on, Guess, please wake up... I didn't get to tell you something!"

I carefully pushed her chin up. I knew she wasn't breathing. I hesitated for a moment but her life was on the line, I knelt over her and placed my lips on hers and exhaled. Once I couldn't breathe out anymore, I lifted up my head and wiped away my tears from my cheeks onto my sleeve whilst I lifted up her head to check she was breathing. The answer was no.

I placed two fingers on her neck to check her pulse. It was extremely faint but still there. Just.

I placed my hands on the centre of her chest and repeatedly pushed down on her chest. Over and over again. Occasionally talking to her in between.

"Wake up, Guess," I said through my hiccuping, "please wake up. Don't leave, I need to tell you something!"

I placed my lips on hers and exhaled again.

"Please..." I checked her pulse. I felt one heart beat... then another... Then...

Nothing...

This is where I began to panic - even more than I already was - her heart rate was slow a second ago, then it stopped.

"GUESS!" I did everything again, just more frantically. After I lifted up my head I checked her pulse.

Nothing.

I knelt beside her and pulled her up onto my lap and her head rest on my forearm and my hand held her shoulder furthest from me. I just embraced her. Held her in my arms for as long as I could. Crying and repeating her name.

I looked at her face and she seemed peaceful, and I placed my lips on hers again. Not exhaling this time, just... a kiss. I rested my lips on hers for a moment, longing to get the chance to hear her voice again, her laugh, see her smile. I lifted my head up. She just lay in my arms on the floor. I just hugged her whilst I had the chance. I rested my ear on her chest hoping to hear her heartbeat but knowing I wouldn't.

...
...
...

"Gyyahhhh!" All of a sudden Guess took a deep breath, like she's just reached the surface of the ocean. I jumped at the sudden movement and she kept inhaling quickly her eyes wide with shock and panic. It took me a couple of seconds to process what was happening but as soon as I did I cried and embraced her, this time, tears of joy fell from my eyes. "What just happened?!"

"Oh my god, Guess, we all thought you were dead, your heartbeat disappeared for about 5 minutes!" Slowly understanding what was going on she hugged me back, wrapping her arms around my neck. We stayed like this in silence for a while, gathering our thoughts and calming ourselves down.

Eventually, we both pulled away and she sat up on the floor. Guess looked at the scar on her hip. "Shit, it's black? I don't remember anything apart from the pain and..." She stopped herself and started to blush. "I was going to die..." She put her hand on her heart and sighed. "Thank you. You saved my life. It's not the first time either, huh?"

"It's nothing, really, I'm just so glad to see you alive..."

"What is it?"

"Oh, um..." I worded everything in my head carefully, "Just seeing you like that; practically die before my eyes... I realised I hadn't had enough time with you... and it would kill me to never know..." I stopped myself, still worried about what she'd say.

"Know what?"

"If you... you loved me like I do you..." I looked down whilst I spoke, her silence made my heart race. I heard her move and she knelt right in front of me like we were a mirror. My hands were fists, rested on my lap and she put her hand on mine. I looked up at her and she smiled, her eyes beginning to water. Her other hand came around and went behind my neck slightly. She seemed to hesitate for  a millisecond and then pulled my neck forwards as she leant in too, her eyes closed as our lips collided, my eyes remained wide but soon I wrapped my arms around her waist and she wrapped hers around my neck.

I'd never been happier.

--------------------------------------------

This chapter was a painful chapter to write before I even started writing I felt that it would be difficult. I thought it was because of how it starts off but... I don't know how to explain this exactly, nor do I know if any of you will understand; in all of my 14 years (my birthday was on the 19th of September and I made Guess's the same as mine) I've never had this... Connection that Matt has to Guess, I never felt it. Well, I felt it once for 5 days at most about 5 years ago, but this guy was never my boyfriend. 

I made up my own thing that I feel explains love from 3 different angles. (This is about to become a short rant, you can read if you wish, but it may be kinda depressing or something; I don't know, I'm making this up as I go along so who knows where things'll go).

One angle is when someone likes you but you don't like them back in the same way. In this... Let's call it metaphor; love is projected by a mirror. So when this person points their mirror at you, it feels awkward, because even if you want to, you can't point your mirror back at them, you don't love them and there's nothing you can do about it, love is uncontrollable. If it was controllable, I'd probably have a boyfriend right now. (Side note: God, I sound desperate. I'm really not walking around every day just eyeing people up; I promise. I just have this craving to get rid of the pain that is being caused by this emptiness. I like someone who is... dead - and may or may not be also fictional- so it just pains me every day when I think about it. Do you know what I mean? I hope you can relate.)

The other angle is when you like someone and you point your mirror at them but they don't like you back so they either can't bring themselves to point their mirror, or they physically can't, this comes in when, say you like someone fictional, a movie character or maybe a celebrity you've never met. This is the place I've been 90% of my life, that I remember anyway.

Then the final angle is the angle I've been longing for since those 5 days 5 years ago. When you like someone, and you point your mirror at them and they like you back and they point the mirror back. When you face a mirror towards a mirror, it creates an endless image and the circle is complete; the endless circle. That's what Guess and Matt are like now.

So yeah I don't know why I added this but I... I don't feel normal right now, whilst writing this, I don't know what it is, but I think it's the middle point in between the second angle and the last. I don't know. All I do know is that there's no place I'd rather be if I was in Guess's position. Okay I'm going to stop rambling now, today's commenters are!:

TigerCorn
Dj-Nikky
Gabthesecond
TheWammyDuo

Thanks, guys, and thanks to those of you who read my rant, I hope you can understand it.

-Guess