EGL // lashton

twenty one

Maybe he should have let Ashton explain himself? Maybe Ashton had some reasonable things to tell him? But yet again, no words could ever explain why Ashton tried to kill his best friend. Even though Calum had done something horrible, he never once deserved to get killed. Never.

But the strongest reason to why Luke was bawling his eyes out now in the hospital was because Luke hated himself for that horrible sentence he let past his lips before they left.

Luke didn't want Ashton to die. He never in his entire life wanted Ashton to leave this planet. Even though Luke was furious at him, he never wanted Ashton to leave.

They may not ever be able to come back to who they were, but just because Luke would try to keep away from Ashton doesn't mean he wanted Ashton to disappear forever.

No one deserves to die, and if Ashton actually did die, Luke knew he'd be a broken and shattered mess. If Ashton died, Luke would probably lose his own will of living as well because he knew he'd be the reason of it all.

"Luke? Hey, Luke?" Michael's voice was heard and when Luke blinked a few times, he suddenly could see Michael crouched in front of him with his big green eyes staring into his own with a worried expression.

"You were gone for like a few minutes" Michael spoke s he inspected Luke's face with a frown.

"Is Calum done? Have they said anything? Can we-"

"Luke, you need to calm down," Michael spoke in a hushed voice while people around them were looking, "It hasn't even gone 5 minutes yet, he was just rolled into surgery"

Luke gulped down and nodded his head before sniffing while more tears ran down his cheeks. Luke was utterly broken and as it felt now, he'd probably never heal.

"You know what? Maybe you should go home," Michael spoke but Luke quickly shook his head, "I can call you a cab and you can go home and sleep because I don't think you can handle anything else today-"

"I'm not going home," Luke said and kept shaking his head, "I don't want to leave. I want to stay"

Michael bit the inside of his cheek before nodding his head slowly, "Okay, then you'll stay. It's okay Luke, everything will be okay"

"No, it won't," Luke whispered and let more tears fall down his cheeks, "I'm an awful person and this is all my fault"

"What?" Michael said and frowned while looking at the blonde boy, "This is not at all your fault, Luke. It's not even close-"

"It is, it's my fault!" Luke exclaimed, making people turn their heads to look at them again, "I should never have tried to be with Ashton because now Calum's dead and Ashton thinks I want him dead and I don't want neither of that. I want to die!"

"Luke, shh," Michael said softly but sternly before sitting down beside him and brought the small blonde into a hug, "Don't ever fucking say that, okay? Calum's not going to die, he's in good hands now. And Ashton knows you don't want him dead. I know that, so he will as well"

Michael tightened the grip around Luke before speaking again.

"What he did was fucked up, he's my best friend and even I think that. I know you were in the moment. I know you were mad and that you were scared about Calum's health, but we both know you didn't mean those words to him. You'd never mean such words" he said and Luke cried while listening.

"Do you understand me?" Michael soon asked and Luke nodded his head even though he disagreed with those words.

Michael made it sound like Luke was a good guy through all of this, but Luke knew he wasn't. He felt like he had literally killed Ashton on the spot, and the mere thought made him sob and whimper once again.