I woke up assuming a night had passed, but it hadn't. The old grandfather clock in my house chimed four times signaling it was only four a.m. I moaned in annoyance at the fact I can barely get any sleep.
My phone laid beside me, and flashed on. It was only a Twitter notification, but it did entice me to look through anything I had missed in the couple hours I slept.
The first thing I saw was a twitter notification from '@DigiTour'.
"Who's ready to see @SienaRose17 @OurSecondLife and so many more at Digi Tour 2015?!"
I groaned loudly. Being reminded of somewhere I needed to be in less than a month bothered me. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, it was just the thought of pregnant me being up on a stage trying to show everyone I'm okay scares me.
Having to see and interact with Kian is going to be hard. I don't know if I'm ready for that. Yes, I do know I need to be closer with him since he's the father, but I still don't want to. I just need to.
I've only known this boy for such a short period of time, and look at where I'm at. There's a hole underneath of me, and I swear one day it's going to suck me up and never let me out again. Do I deserve that? Yes. Do others think I deserve that? No.
Life is a piece of cake, they say. I don't believe what they say because life is a living hell. Full of asshole fake friends who don't give a shit about you, and of dumb fuckboys who always try for the skinny "hot" girl.
There are some genuine kind hearted people out there, but I can count the amount with my ten fingers.
What a sad life we live in. Just a spiral of ever lasting pain and sorrow, heartbreak and misery. I wish we could always be happy. Yes there's always a negative to a wish, but maybe just maybe we could have more happiness than negativity. Shed a little bit of light of the darkness.
Maybe this pregnancy won't be so bad.
Maybe Kian and I will make up.
Maybe good things will happen.
Maybe I'll be happy.
Maybe I'll meet someone that is genuine.
Maybe I'll fall in love.
Maybe I'll make it out of this void.
***
I hope you enjoyed this little spill into the mind of Siena.
love you all :))
xx k
