"What's up?" I asked stuffing my face with mac n' cheese. "Sam introduced himself to me and told me what had happened," my mom said. "I thought you were just going out for a skate, how did you end up with Sam and Levi?"
I tossed my food around, mashing it in five different ways. "Well I ran into Levi, literally. I ended up talking with Sam and he took me and Levi to the hill and we decided to ride down it, but you know what happened then." I said rolling my eyes.
My mom shook her head in agreement then asked another question I didn't want to answer particularly. "Now why did you send Kian away? Sam told me what happened with you and him. Why didn't you tell me?" I was infuriated with Sam. "Damn you Samuel." I said under my breath.
My mom gave me a stern look. "No, I'm glad he told me. It could've been a good idea for you to talk to me. It could've helped." I looked at her as a tear ran down my face. "Don't you get it?" I said standing up. "Nothing is gonna help me anymore." I yelled and walked away.
I ran into my bedroom and locked my door. Staring into my bathroom I could see a glimmer of my blade. A drip of blood dropped from it. Life wasn't ever my cup of tea.
Then I saw a black marker sitting on my bed stand. I picked it up and started drawing things on my wrist. I drew a pair of scissors, a black heart, ..., OOPs, Medicine- Daughter, di die, woRRied, a butterfly, and four cut lines.
I didn't stop there. I went onto the front of my hand a wrote "Open your" with two eyes below it. On the insides of all my fingers I wrote one word. My pinky finger had "Okay", ring finger had "fine", my middle finger had "Try", and my pointer finger had "sure".
It was interesting to me. I mean I knew what everything drawn on me meant, but to an outsider, they'd never know. Seemingly I always did this if I wanted to harm myself, even though sometimes I did.
No one knows about my depression, not even my closest friends. Sometimes I don't even know. I spend so much time plotting my death that I don't even know anything.
If people ask me why I'm upset, I tell them that I don't know why. I then wonder to myself why I'm like the way I am. Why I'm suicidal, why I hate myself. I feel like I'm a worse person because people are going through worse than I am, but I'm like this.
I stood up off of my bed and walked over to my camera. "Where's my guitar?" I asked myself. My room always would seem to engulf my guitar into the strangest places, even when my room was clean.
Then I found it, sitting in its case under my bed. I pulled it out along with my lucky pic, and hit record on my camera. "Hi everyone, I missed you so much!" I smiled. "Today I'm going to sing an unreleased song by Lana Del Rey. It's called Black Beauty."
I paint my nails black,
I dye my hair a darker shade of brown
'Cause you like your women Spanish, dark, strong and proud
I kept strumming as I started to get into the song more.
I paint the sky black
You said if you could have your way
You'd make a night time of today
So it'd suit the mood of your soul
Oh, what can I do?
Nothing, my sparrow blue
Oh, what can I do?
Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue
Sun and ocean blue
Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you
I started getting teary eyed, then a tear fell off my face.
Black beauty, oh oh oh
I paint the house black
My wedding dress black leather too
You have no room for light
Love is lost on you
I keep my lips red
The same like cherries in the spring
Darling, you can't let everything
Seem so dark blue
My voice was beginning to shake a bit, but I continued to sing my best. To seem like nothing is wrong.
Oh, what can I do?
To turn you on or get through to you
Oh, what can I do?
Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue
Sun and ocean blue
Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you
Black beauty, oh oh oh
Black beauty, ah ah
Black Beauty, Baby
Tears were now rapidly streaming down my face.
Oh, what can I do?
To turn you on or get through to you
Oh, what can I do?
Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue
Sun and ocean blue
Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you
Black Beauty, oh oh oh
Black Beauty, ah ah
Black Beauty, oh oh oh
I finished the last strum, and smiled.
****
Now ya'll know the truth about Siena!
Hope this chapter was some what enjoyable.. Ily!
xx
Katy
