Misconceptions

{ x }

"It's three am, why are you up?"

Already? It's already three am?

I haven't noticed that it is too late (or too early? Huh. Depends on your point of view, I guess).

When you are someone who has ubiquitous thoughts, maybe it's part of the package to stay up in an ungodly hour and think it's normal.

'Think it's normal,' psh... Who even decides what is normal or not? Normality is an abstract thing.

The clock keeps ticking, it's hards moving by the second, by the minute, by the hour, yet time seems to stand still.

Is it even three am? All my thoughts begs to differ but one glance at the clock, it is true that once again, I stayed up until early morn thinking about life and silly things.

Like I said before, time feels like it stopped. I could go on forever overthinking about deep life issues and what happened last week, last year and people I haven't talked to for a while.

Yes, that is what I do at this time. I let myself explore the corners of mind and pull out the memories that are slowly starting to fade away. I try to remember them and... think. Of why I like that memory, of what I should've done, of how I could have done things to make everything better, of how I won't change an aspect of it even it hurt me and/or it made me ridiculously gleeful.

I also give myself the chance to miss the people who have left me. Who extracted themselves from my life. I try to forgive but never forget. I reminisce. I think of the ways to make them stay or what I should have done so they wouldn't leave. Also, I close my eyes, let a few tears leak out (or maybe bawl), and wonder what would I be today if they haven't left me or maybe the things I could say to them once we meet again.

The desultory things come in later. But whatever it is I am overthinking at an hour in which the rest of the world lies dead, still, I would not change my life because these hindrances molded me in what I am now and these memories, although not all of them are good, are too valuable to erase.

"Just nothing..."