What is love?

December 28th 2011

Dear Diary,

Today I made 7 months. You know what that means two more months and my Angel will be here. I'm so excited to get this lil girl out of me and to hold her.

Well I had met Chris at the mall we did some last minute shopping for Jamiyah cause, he wanted to get her something. He was looking so good today. After we went shopping he followed me back to the house and when we walked in August was giving him dirty looks we just proceeded to up stairs to my room. "Aye, I have to take Renee somewhere. I'll be back!" I heard August shout from downstairs.

"Kay..." I sat down on the bed, my feet were killing me. I sighed and Chris looked over at me. I didn't want to make eye contact with him.

"Your feet hurt don't they??" I nodded. He put all the stuff away, then made his way towards me. He got down on his knees and started to rub my feet. I still didn't look at him. He massaged deeper and it felt so good.

"Mmm.." I groaned.

"How does that feel?"

"Good..." I trailed off. He nodded and kept rubbing my swollen feet. "Right. There.." I kind of moaned out.

"You gone have to stop all that moaning now." He said sucking his teeth. I giggled and did it again. He started to kiss my thighs and I bit my lip. His touch was feeling so good.

"Chris, stop..." I felt myself get instantly wet. Just from his touch.

"Do you know how much I missed you??" He asked me.

"N-no.."

"Can I show you??" My mind was telling me hell no London but, my body was telling me yes. I nodded and he pulled my shorts down and then my panties. He pulled off his shirt and God his body was so chiseled and sexy. I wanted him now.

  He propped my legs up  and ran his two fingers across my clit. Making me moan out. I felt his lips press against mines, then his tongue dart into me. "Oh my god!" I ran my hand along his curly hair, and he moved his head deeper into my wetness.

"Mm.. Taste just like I remember it. Sweet as candy.." My body jerked forward, and I felt his finger go inside of me. "Don't tease me!" I whined. He spelled his full name out and I cried out in pleasure. He sucked on my clit hard then licked over it, making me go crazy. I was about to cum full force, "baby I'm about to-" he pulled away and that's when all hell broke.

"Fuck, no Renee! She wanna act grown and shit let her do that then! I'm done trying to tell help her to do the right thing! I come in hea' caring about you and bringin' you shit and you up hea' fuckin' that nigga! I SWEAR I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU! Chris get the fuck out my house"

Chris left and I knew once August heard the door close I was bout to deal with his bull shit

"August look he is my child father STOP acting like I'm just out here fuckin randoms niggas Renee please get him.You act like I'm a fuckin disappoint to you or something"

"Your fucking 16! I don't care if he yo' baby daddy! And Renee you sit the hell down, you lied to me about having sex once then you do it again. You ain't suppose to be out hea' having sex no way. And the shit you do DOES disappoint me!"

No i didn't fuckin lie to you I told you I didn't break the house rule. My CHILD was not made in this house when somebody was at home. You know I don't try to disappoint you at all Renee please get him I said damn near in tears

Damn I tired of fighting with him

"Renee sit down! And that shot don't matter! When I was off to college, I asked have you been having sex, etc! What you say "no Auggie pooh. I'm still a virgin!" You lied! You lied about Chris and everything, YES RENEE TOLD ME, you having my girlfriend lie for you. YOU KNOW HOW I HATE LYING YOU ALMOST BROKE ME AND HER UP AND YOU THINK THAT SHIT COO' to save yo' ungrateful ass! Plus on top of that ion' like that nigga!"

"Ughhhhhhh I don't fuckin need this damn stress I will NOT lose my baby because I'm a fuckin disappoint to you. I never was trying to break you guys up. & no i didn't lie to you. You asked and at the time I wasn't haven't sex with him. I'm sorry you don't like him but he is your niece father we can't go back and change anything august I'm sorry I've let you down I really am if you want me to leave then I will I said breaking down crying"

I really can't take this shit

"You just don't get it do you? I'm done don't worry about me, caring about what you do anymore. I'm out."

"August your being to much! The girl said she is sorry what more you want from her!"

"Renee, ARE MOM PASSED AWAY FROK THIS EXACT SAME BULLSHIT! NOW DO YOU GET IT!"

She didn't fuckin die because of me idc don't give a damn about me I don't fuckin care any more I do everything to make you proud of me yes I got pregnant clearly you hate the fact that I did. Now besides that im pregnant I'm high risk and I'm still passing all my classes and I don't mean just bearly paasingI'm sorry that I ever fuckin disappoint you and made you hate me I never meant for it to happening this way.

sitting down because jamiyah had balled up in a tight ball

He snapped his head around and was in my face. "You goofy she died because of dad! And how he did her! Just like Chris is treating you!"

"London you okay?" Renee questioned.

"No I'm not I'm having pains jamiyah is hurting me its hurts so fuckin bad"

by now i was balling my eyes out in pain

"See what you did to hurt! You so stupid August!"

"Man, stop it, you tryna make me feel fucking bad."

Ahhhhhhhh I screamed as the pain got worst a-a-august pleaseee get out I begged

"I'm out then!" I couldn't believe him. My own brother just couldn't stand me at this point.

"London, relax remember breath baby girl.. In and out..."

"He hates me Renee.. My brother hates me.."

"Shh baby girl.. Just relax

"How can I relax my brother hates me how can I relax he fuckin hates me.Nee he hates me"

"Just calm down and think of Jamiyah... August don't hate you he's just upset right now. You know how he gets. "

"Ughhhhh I said before taking a deep breath. This is the 2nd time he has yelled at me like this Nee. I think imma just go he don't want me here anyway"

"I'll come back when jamiyah is born but for the next 2 months I will NOT be staying here"

"Oh, yes you are. He go even more crazy if you leave, and just hush up and relax.. Your mouth gets you into things now London, take a nap and relax."

"Don't say another thing back,"

"Just stir clear from aug for awhile"

"He hates me you really think he will care if I leave because I don't"

"Yeah I'll care now go to sleep! For I knock ya' lil ass out!" August yelled from the other side of the door

Even when he's pissed and I'm in a pain I still realize he loves me

I just shook my head "Nee can you stay in here with me until I fall asleep pleaseeee"

Lord knows I need my bestfriend with me