Is It Okay To Dream? -Sequel

Score one for Rydley

For the rest of the night, I didn't get any rest as usual. I slowly get up and wrap the blanket around me, then walk outside.

I sit in a plastic, white chair and I light a cigarette. The cigarette smoke blows to the right and I look at the sun that's rising. I move my chair over to the end of the porch to get a better view. It's definitely not a Colorado sunrise, but it'll work.

"You're up early," I turn around and my granddad moves the other plastic chair next to mine and watches the sunrise with me. His coffee is strong and it suffocates me, so I move my chair over a little. "How come you didn't run off to Mona's like you usually do?"

I look at him and smile a little bit, "how did you know I go there?"

"You always went there whenever you couldn't sleep." He takes a sip from his coffee, then nods.

I finish my cigarette and put it out, "I'll give you the leftover money when we get back inside. I just bought her the basic makeup because I don't want her running around with caked on makeup. And, I took the liberty to buy myself a pack of cigarettes." I give him a half-hearted smile.

He chuckles, "it's okay. Keep it."

I bite on my nails and look down at my naked feet, "do you think he remembered her birthday?"

My granddad shakes his head and takes another sip from his coffee, "I'm not sure. But, I think I figured out how he got out of jail," he sits up straighter and clears his throat. "I looked it up the other day. It all depends on how much he abused you, where it was, and how old you were."

I watch the sunrise, "okay..he didn't abuse me as much as mama did. Probably once or twice every few weeks and it was at the house and I can't remember how young I was."

"He was probably in there for a good 30 months with rehab afterwards."

I frown and bite on my nails, "why does Nora hate me?"

"She doesn't hate you, sweet pea." My granddad rubs my arm and finishes his coffee.

"Sure feels like it. Feels like she's still upset that I put your daughter in jail and I didn't," I frown even more and my eyes drop to the ground. "I didn't do anything wrong," I whisper out.

"You're right. You didn't. And, I don't know what went wrong in Caroline's life to go down that road. She was a sweet girl. A bunch of friends, pretty, kind and caring, but whenever she met this one guy..she changed." My granddad shakes his head.

I shrug, "I'm going to take a shower. I feel dirty just talking about her."

He nods, then wipes his face with his sleeve. I move the chair back and walk inside. Before I fully make it inside my granddad sighs out, "where did I go wrong?"

~

I finish drying my hair and I change into a white sweater and shorts. I brush my hair, then walk out to the living room. I hear talking outside, so I go over to the window and look to see who it is. It's my grandparents and my grandmother has her arm around my grandfather. I move to a different window to get a better look and he's crying.

I stop breathing for a minute to listen to the conversation, "I don't know where I went wrong." I frown and walk to the couch, then sit down. I bring my knees up to my chest and I play with the ends of my hair.

"Morning," Liberty walks out of her room, carrying her teddy bear.

I smile and get up to hug her, "happy birthday."

She smiles, "thanks!"

"You excited?" I lean against the couch and cross my arms.

She keeps smiling and nods while pouring cereal into a bowl, "I love fruity pebbles. Best cereal ever."