Harry Potter One Shots and Headcannons

Howlers

If James and Lily had still been alive.

Unbridgeable walks into the great hall and sits down at the staff table. Four owls come one after the other, four minutes apart. All were carrying howlers.
The 1st owl:
The 1st owl was from Lily.

"HOW DARE YOU DO THAT MY SON! I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT IF I GET ONE COMPLAINT FROM HARRY AND IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT HARRY, YOU WILL HAVE TO ANSWER TO ME. YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO HOGWARTS, YOU OLD BALL OF COTTON CANDY." Umbridge smile wavered but only for a second. She was clearly annoyed.The student were beginning to stare at her.

The 2nd owl was from James....

"HARRY, I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO EMBARRASS YOU IN FRONT OF EVERYONE LIKE THIS, BUT YOUR NEW DEFENSE AGAINST THE ARTS TEACHER IS A REAL HAG. I'M QUITE SURPRISED THAT DUMBLEDORE LET A IDIOT LIKE THAT TEACH AT THE GREAT HOGWARTS. YOUR MUM IS BEING TO NICE TO HER. UMBRIDGE IF YOUR LISTENING YOU BETTER BEHAVE OR YOU'LL HAVE TO LISTEN TO 3/4Ths OF THE MARAUDERS AND MANY QUIVER AT THE SITE OF THAT. JUST ASK SNIVELLUS." A lot of kids were now laughing. Fred and George told Harry that he had the coolest parents.

Next up was the one you were all waiting for none other than THE MISTER SIRIUS BLACK.

"ELLO. I MUST SAY HOGWARTS HAS CHANGED A LOT, BUT AS YOU MUST KNOW IM A 'CONVICTED MURDERER' SO I WOULD TREAT MY HARRY WELL IF I WERE YOU OR MERLIN HELP ME I WILL BE BACK IN AZKABAN. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD MEET SOMEONE WHO I HATE MORE THAN MY OWN MOTHER, AND NOW CHILDREN COVER YOUR EARS. YOUR A FLUMMING LAZY EXCUSE FOR A TEACHER. I WOULD RATHER HAVE KREACHER TEACH HARRY THAN YOUR FILTHY BUM. ... (More uanessacry name calling and cursing) (Remus voice) THATS ENOUGH SIRIUS. BYE SEE U IN WIZARD HELL. "

The teachers were all laughing along with the students by now. Professor McGonagall had to leave the room

And lastly Remus and Tonks.

"I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT MINISTRY LAW SAYS THAT TEACHERS NO LONGER HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO GIVE HARMFUL PUNISHMENTS TO STUDENTS SINCE YOUR BIRTH IN 1285. HOWEVER IT ALSO SAYS THAT A TEACHER CAN BE OVER RULED IF ENOUGH PEOPLE SIGN IN PROTEST. IT IS PUNISHABLE BY 4 YEARS IF AZKABAN IF ANY STUDENT WAS HARMED IN AN UNJUSTIFIABLE WAY. I WAS A MUCH BETTER TEACHER THAN YOU. ASK ANYONE. AND UR OUTFIT IS SOOOOO LAST YEAR. YOU LOOK LIKE A WALKING BABY WITH WRINKLES. EVEN VOLDEMORT DOESNT LIKE U. DEMENTORS TRY TO KISS YOU AND THEY DIE. SORRY HARRY.
GOOD DAY SIR.

PS. IM BETTER THAN YOU.
REMUS JOHN LUIPIN

ALSO MY WIFE IS A METAMORPHMAGUS, SO SHE COULD BLACK MAIL THE CRAP OUT OF YOU.

People never made fun of Harry's family ever again and Lily and marauders got detention by Dumbledore.

"Just like old times, huh James."
*Sirius and James fist-bump while Lily scowles in a corner*