Chasing The Bad Girl

K23-Lucas

"I am so sorry Sam...damn! I..am so sorry.." he keeps on saying. I held my eyes shut. Nanginginig ang labi ko dahil sa pagpipigil na maglabas ng sobra-sobrang emosyon.

"Tama na Lucas..tahan na please..nasasaktan din ako pag ganyan ka..ano ka ba..hindi ako..sa-sanay.." I said. Naramdaman kong basa na ang suot ko dahil sa pag-iyak ni Lucas. He's too broken..ginawa ko lahat para maging buo siya ulit, but faith has been really against him.

"Maybe it's because I..I left you..kaya pinaparusahan ako..I am so sorry..I've been unfaithful.." sunud-sunod ang pag-iling ko.

"Wala kang kasalanan okay..tahan na..mas lalo kitang hindi mapapatawad kapag lagi kang ganyan. Stop blaming yourself..." I convinced him. I caught his face with my palms.

"Lucas.. you've done a lot of help for me..you've been there when I needed you the most..maybe this is the right time for us to part ways..I..I want to let you go.."

"Sam.."

"Go get your daughter, Sophie..be a good father for her.." I said.

"I don't think I could be even a good father..I don't think she can accept me."

"She's still a baby..kaya may pagkakataon ka pa para maging ama..You practiced it with Vaughny and Chloe diba? Kaya mo..alam kong magiging mahirap sa umpisa kasi maalala mo parati si Michelle, pero it will all be worth it..Stay with your daughter..alam kong magiging masaya din si Michelle.." I said. Nakita ko ang pag-aalangan nito pero maya-maya ay nag-iwas ito ng tingin.

"Paano ka? Kayo ng mga bata?"

"Uunahin mo pa kami kesa sa sarili mong anak? I'll be fine. We will be fine. " I said.

Saglit itong natigilan. Nakatitig lang ito sa akin na para bang tinitimbang kung nagsasabi ako ng totoo. Ngumiti ako.

"Thank you Sam..hindi..ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kung wala ka.."he said. Tumango nalang ako.

"Ako rin." I said. Lumuhod ito at binalot ako ng mahigpit na yakap.

"Bakit ka umiiyak?" He suddenly asked. Agad kong pinunasan ang luha sa pisngi ko.

"Hindi ah. Napuwing lang ako.E ikaw, bat ka umiiyak?" I said.

"Lalong hindi..natusok ng daliri mo yung mata ko eh." He answered. A long silence before we both smile with each other.

****

I left Lucas in his unit. I think he needs more time to think. Somehow, gumaan ang pakiramdam ko dahil medyo nakinig ito sa suhestyon ko. Lucas has been staying with me. He seems guilty or what. He was accusing himself of being unfaithful dahil sa nangyari sa kasal sana namin. But it was all my decison..

4 years ago when Lucas had developed a relationship more than just friends. It went well at masaya kami pareho. Nagtagal kami ng isang taon until he proposed to me. Kapapanganak ko palang noon at aaminin ko, I was relieve with him just staying by my side. I learned to love him. For the first time after Luigi..siya lang ulit ang minahal ko. It may not be as intensed as how I felt with Luigi, but I'm sure it was something that I wanted to keep forever kaya naman nagdesisyon akong nagpakasal sa kanya.

I thought what we have back then will last. Pero minsan talaga sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana. Michelle neede him. He kept it before from me not until Jeremy told me what was Michelle was going through.

Malapit na ang kasal namin noon. Everything could have been really perfect. Everything was settled. Pero ako. I was torned between loving and setting someone go. It was hard for me. Hindi ko naman itatanggi na minsan sa buhay ko, pinagarap ko rin naman magkaroon ng sariling happy ending lalo na't gusto ko ring bigyan ng masaya at buong pamilya ang mga anak ko.

Lucas has been silent about what was really happening between him and Michelle and so when the wedding day came. I had my decision.

Maaga akong nagising noon, hindi para mag-ayos, magmake up, magpaphoto shoot, magsuot ng trahe de boda. I wore my usual attire that time. Pants and a white plain shirt. I did not tell anyone of my plan to broke off the wedding. I immediately went to Lucas's unit and found him wearing his attire for the wedding.

"Sa-sam..bakit..hindi ka pa--"

"Huwag na tayong maglokohan..bakit mo ba ako papakasalan? Wala ka namang pananagutan sa akin ah." I said. Trying to ease the pain that is slowly invading me. I am trying to convince myself to take everything normal. Like it was just a joke. Something that I could just laugh with.

"Sam.." I admit it. I'm hurt.

"I know about Michelle..she needs you more than I do. Just don't..mind me. Isipun mo nalang na hindi ka nagpropose...na walang kasal na ganito..okay lang naman sa akin. " I said. It was a lie.

"I'm sorry.." he said. Sobrang sakit. Sa dami ng sinabi ko sorry lang ang babali ng lahat. I turn my gaze on my shoes. I don't want to look at him.

"You don't have to..minsan talaga ganito ang nangyayari..basta! Huwag ka ng makulit. Gamitin mo nalang yang suit mo sa kasal niyo ni Michelle.." I said with a laugh bigla akong nagtaka nang kumunot ang noo ni Lucas at parang gulat na napatingin sa akin. Lalapit sana siya sa akin nang marealize ko kung bakit ganoon ang reaction niya..

I am crying. At hindi ko alam kung paano na maitatago kaya tumalikod ako at nagwalk out.

It has never been his fault. Kung sabagay, bakit ko nga ba ipipilit ang sarili ko sa taong alam kong may mahal na iba..Inisyal na pakiramdam ng mga tao ang nasasaktan, I've been through those types of feelings.. pero kung bakit kahit gaano ka kadalas masaktan ay di ka parin nasasanay? Yung tipong iiyak at iiyak ka parin..that I don't why.

Maybe faith does.

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A/N

Salamat po sa mga naghintay! Sa mga mensahe na natanggap ko, salamat :)

Lucas's story " Devoted To You" yung timeline po ng chapter na ito ay same doon sa second prologue ng DTY :)

At sa nagtanong-hindi po mag-aappear dito si Evan Delrio. Nababanggit lang po siya. May sarili po siyang story.

Thank You!