Mute

four

C A M E R O N D A L L A S

Today's Wednesday so that means I'm hanging with Nash tomorrow.

I'm kinda nervous. It's not a date or anything, I don't even know that Nash is gay or bi. I'm just afraid I'll embarrass myself. If I do something stupid it could ruin the chance of us being future friends or more...

Lunch just began and I'm sitting here listening to Gilinsky and Aaron arguing over what's better, Vans or Converse.

I'm team Vans all the way, so is everybody else at the table. But Mr. Carpenter likes Chucks better.

Done with watching the argument.
I turn to Taylor to start a conversation.

I don't need to grab his attention because he is already looking at me. "Bro how's your day been," I ask, not trying to sound uncomfortable even though his staring makes me.

"Ok, it could of been better," Taylor replies licking his lips while looking at mine. Ok....

Feeling very nervous and creeped out with Taylor, I decide to leave the table and find the blue eyed boy.

"Guys I forgot I have to go see Mrs. Lindemann, I need to get an extension for that English assignment," I excuse myself.

T A Y L O R C A N I F F

I watched as the masterpiece of a person called Cam walked away. He is perfection in my eyes. And even though he isn't mine he can't be anybody else's.

Since Aaron and Jack wouldn't shut up about stupid shoe brands I decided to follow Cameron.

I got up from the table and went the way Cameron went. As I enter the school hallways I see Nash and Cameron exchanging phones.

Sneaky bitch must of got my baby's number. Cam gives Nash a toothy smile which cause Nash to blush, ew.

I hide as Cameron walks toward me to go back to the lunch table.

Nash must have a small brain. Did I or did I not make it clear for him to stay away from my Cameron. I think I did.

Trotting my way over to Nash I see him smiling while looking down at his phone. His little crush on Cam is pathetic.

"Hey silent boy," I smirk. Nash immediately becomes tense. He is clearly scared, good.

"Saw you taking to Cam, didn't I tell you to stay away, or are you deaf too."

He glares at me, making me become angrier. So I pin him to the locker, my arm at his throat. "If you ever come near Cameron again, nevertheless talk to him all your secrets will be spilled. You will become the most hated person to walk upon earth," I threat shoving him to the ground.

I walk away hoping I won't have to for fill that threat.

N A S H G R I E R

I was stunned. Taylor is monster, he has no feelings. It's not like I was taking anything from him by perusing a friendship with Cameron.

I don't know why he is doing this. I haven't done anything to him to make him want to do this to me.

In fact Taylor and I used to be friends. It all went down the drain because of that stupid stupid stupid night, which was all my fault.

I feel tears gather in my eyes. I went to the only place I feel wanted, Matthew Espinosa's memorial locker.

It was located in one of the lightly used hallways, nobody was ever there. Once I got there, I moved all the flowers out of the way so I could slide down it and sit.

I came here ever time I missed my bestfriend or my life was spinning out of control. Matt always have good advice, he was also good at comforting people. So this place was soothing and peaceful.

(A/N: Nash is not talking, he is thinking in his head to Matt if that makes any sense)

"Matt I wish you were here, but it's my fault that you aren't. If I didn't make that stupid decision on that stupid night you would still be here. I'm sorry," I let a few tears escape my icy blues.

"As you know I stop taking that night, the night I lost my bestfriend. You must be thinking 'Nash you have JJ' but Matt, JJ is nothing compared to you. He only became my friend cause he felt sorry for the lonely mute boy.

Anyways you remember Taylor, the guy you said I should of stayed away from. You were right. He's about to ruin me.

He supposedly knows what happened that night and why I stopped taking. That fuckboy knows everything." I giggled at that. Matthew and I always joked about how Taylor was secretly a spy because of a this unsourced info he always knew.

"Well he's threatening to tell the whole school what really occurred. Matthew I'm going to be the most hated person alive. I can't have t-that. M-my life is alrea-d-dy fucked u-upped."

I stop thinking and let quiet sobs out. "All because of this stupid guy Cameron I may or may not have a crush on. Which is causing me to question my sexuality again. I remember a couple weeks before you died we had that conversation about me liking guys.

You told me you thought I was gay, and would support me. But I couldn't admit it.

But I should of. That is the main reason your dead. Me not embracing my
feelings towards you.

I shouldn't of freaked out when you told me you loved me.

I shouldn't of called you a fag or a queer.

I shouldn't of been the cause of those tears coming out of those beautiful brown eyes.

I shouldn't of hurt you Matt.

I shouldn't of killed you.

But what I should of done was told you I loved you Matthew.

Because now 3 years later I've realized that...

I love you too."

A/N: I cried writing that last part

Anyways

#teamvans
OR
#teamconverse
(chucks all the way)

Sorry if your a Matt girl/boy, he's dead in this book. (hehehe for now) and for all the POV switches. Any thoughts or suggestions.

Comment&Vote. Thxs for reading.