The Ideas of Love

Chapter 34.

It's been a hectic few weeks after his heart attack, Tyler went to a couple therapy with Jeff and he cancelled the annulment. But he said that he wants to stay with Billie or Myla most of the time. And today Chris finally moved to LA following him, he will stay with Tyler on one of Billie's guest room. Tyler introduced Billie with Chris when he visited him after the heart attack. Billie jumped right on flirting mode when he saw Chris, he had sex with Chris and Joe that same night. Chris told Tyler he regretted that decision because he remembered that Joe barely had time for sex when they were together and now he's all about sex with Billie. It hurts Chris that Joe wouldn't change for him but he changed a lot for Billie. Chris understand that Joe had been through a lot the past year or so but he wished that Joe would do such sweet thing to him.
Jeff and Joe started to get really in love again after facing Tyler's rejection. It hurts Tyler's heart that his husband choose Joe again but he can't protest. He was the one that's avoiding Jeff like a plague after the heart attack. Jeff told their therapist that he could not lie about how much he loves Joe anymore. Tyler was just sitting there without saying anything when he confessed that. It was his fault to begin with anyway, he was the one that forced Jeff to be in a polyamorous relationship. He knew how much Jeff loves Joe and he took the risk when he decided to pursue a polyamorous relationship with Billie and Joe. He rejected Jeff because he finally realized that he could never be Jeff's main partner. He and Jeff worked better as friends not as lover. He still went to the therapist because he wants to save what's left of his short lived first marriage. And he is still trying to hold on to the ideas of Jeff finally loves him.
Tyler walked passed by Joe and Jeff that were cuddling up in the pool deck day bed. They were so in love and it broke Tyler's heart, but he had to accept their relationship. Myla on the other side started to seriously date Quinn. Tyler only sleeps next to her and it was never sexual. He supported Myla's decision to date Quinn. The only person he had sex with is Billie and that's probably going to change now that Chris is in the equation. He never really figured out why Chris was so sad that one time he barged into his apartment. Chris never told him anything about it. 
"Honey.." Billie nudged Tyler as he stared at Jeff.
"Yeah?" Tyler smiled weakly.
"Um.. I want to take you somewhere special this weekend.." Billie blushed.
"I can't, I will be busy helping Chris to unpack. Besides.." Tyler sighed. "Your boyfriend is that person that's snuggling my husband."
"You should stop that bullshit, you knew I broke up with him a week ago." Billie rolled his eyes.
Tyler knew this but he also knew Billie did that just to make Tyler stay. He knew that Billie still had threesome with Jeff and Joe a few nights ago. "Just please stop lying. I'm not a fragile porcelain." He stood up. Jeff stared at Tyler because he said that a little too loud.
"Ty, I want to talk to you.." Jeff said to Tyler as he was about to leave the pool. He grabbed Tyler's wrist. 
"Fine." Tyler answered with a little hesitation.
Jeff followed Tyler like a little kid. "Ty, can you sleep with me tonight? I missed you.." Jeff tried to hugged Tyler but he pushed him away.
"I'm sleeping with Chris tonight." He answered with a cold tone.
"I know you are mad that I admitted to the therapist that I love Joe. But isn't that what polyamorous couple do? Ty, you can't keep pushing me away when you were the one that wanted this." Jeff sighed.
"Can I regret my stupid decision then? Because I don't want you to love Joe anymore." Tyler stared at his husband.
"I told you before that I would stop loving him if that's what you want. I'm tired of you trying so hard to avoid me. I'm your husband." He rubbed the tears off of his eyes.
Tyler saw how upset Jeff was and he felt guilty. Jeff did offer it a few times even when they were sitting on their therapist's couch. The truth was he saw Jeff had a relationship with so many other men before but he never loves anyone like he loves Joe. "I need to picked Chris from the airport. I'm not sleeping with you tonight." He walked away from a serious conversation, again.
Joe came inside not long after that and hugged Jeff to calmed him down. "Jeff, you should let him annulled your marriage. There's nothing to be save anymore." He sighed.
"I promised him that I won't give up and I will keep that promise." Jeff sniffled.
"Joe.." Billie sighed. Billie was tired with all these fights. He loves Joe and Jeff so much but he was the only one that knew how hurt Tyler was by these man. Tyler was barely ever slept well most nights. He gold Billie how much he loves Jeff and he had so shoved it down because he saw Jeff was happy with another man for more than fifteen years. He told Billie that he's just a dirty slut that doesn't deserve Jeff. He told Billie that all he wants in his short life was to see Jeff happy, he doesn't want Jeff to cry when he died. He really changed Billie's perspective about love, he learned it from Tyler that sometimes you need to let the other person go even though it hurts yourself.
"Billie, can you not make this all about you for once?" Joe shook his head.
Billie rubbed his pink hair then grabbed the set of keys in his pocket. "Joe, I think you and Jeff should move out. I rented an amazing apartment with ocean view for you and Jeff. Consider that as my break up gift for you." He handed over the keys.
"You're joking, right?" Joe stared at Billie.
"I'm not. I really need Tyler to feel better, he got a heart attack from all the stress that people put on him." He jiggled the keys again. "Please just move out for a few months at least."
Joe shook his head but he grabbed the keys. "Text me the address." He pulled Jeff to followed him.
Billie didn't realize that Myla was there in the living room with baby Eli until the baby decided to cried suddenly. "Oh, fuck.. sorry.." Billie apologized.
"You don't need to apologize. I still don't like you but I appreciate what you did. Tyler needs someone on his side. Jeff and Joe never stopped loving each other and I believe that Jeff would be happier with Joe. He's just marrying Tyler because he felt guilty about the rape and that Tyler didn't found his soul mate unlike him." Myla rubbed Eli to calmed him down.
"Myla, I knew what I did to you was unforgivable and I am happy to see you with Quinn. I just hope that I can be a father like Tyler one day." He smiled bitterly. Part of him wants to hugged the baby and never let him go but he knew that Myla doesn't want him to touch another baby after he killed theirs.
"I used to love you so much, Billie.." She kept rubbing Eli to kept herself together.
"You shouldn't love me. I'm a piece of shit." Billie scoffed. He saw Quinn coming from the front door. He asked Quinn to take Myla and Eli for a few days, because he really wants to be alone with Tyler. He had some plans for Chris too.
"You are not, you just made a lot of shitty decisions. But that's not all your fault either." Quinn wrapped his arm around Billie and kissed his lips gently. "I love you so much, Billie." He kissed him again.
"Thank you.." Billie hugged Quinn gently.
"Don't fucked it up with Tyler, okay?" He smacked Billie's bubble butt after that.
"Can't promise you that but I will try." Billie smiled as he smelled the familiar scent of Quinn.
"Billie, you promised me that you are going to make him happy. Why is your dick getting happy now?" Quinn raised his eyebrows after teasing his best friend.
"Because you are hot. I can't control that, my dick is such a slut." He giggled and pulled his mini skirt up.
"Billie!" Quinn shook his head.
"Fine.." Billie pulled back his mini skirt.
"Can we go?" Myla stood next to Quinn.
"Yeah.." Quinn stared at Myla and kissed her cheek. He offered to help with Eli, which she accepted.
When Quinn walked away Myla stood for a few seconds and then slapped Billie. "That will be worse if you hurt Tyler." She stared at her ex.
"I know. I can't promise you anything but I will try my best." Billie sighed.
When the couple disappeared, Billie called Drew. He's one of Billie touring guitarist, he's the man that Billie planned to set up with Chris. Drew is in his mid 30s and making almost a quarter million a year, so Billie thought that Chris would love the guy. Drew is a quiet guy but very sexy man, Billie knew because they had sex with each other before. He actually spoke to Chris about setting him up and Chris told him that he's open minded about that. Billie was so happy that most of his plan for tonight works out.
"Billie.." Joe called the guy that's day dreaming about Tyler suddenly.
"Yeah?" Billie snapped back to reality.
"I still love you and I really don't want to break up with you." Joe sighed.
"Then why did you slept with Jeff when he was about to get married? Even I never would done that. Oh wait! Actually, I didn't do that because I knew how much Tyler loves Jeff." He rolled his eyes.
"You just pretended to love Tyler." Joe scoffed. "You are a sex addict and you can't be in a monogamous relationship."
"I'm an alcoholic and was a drug addict. I am not a sex addict. I love sex but I can be monogamous. You can ask Myla about that." Billie pouted. He knew he was not a perfect man for Tyler but he has to try.
"Myla hated you so much. You definitely cheated on her before." Joe doubled down on his theory.
"I never cheated on her. I killed our baby and let her got raped by our old manager becuse of my addiction. But I never cheated on her. Where are you going with all these accusations? I know I am a horrible human being, but I know I had to do this because Tyler deserves the best thing in life. It might not be me but I hope it's me." Billie rubbed his face.
"No one is good enough for him." Jeff had two luggages on him and looks really upset.
Joe rolled his eyes then dragged Jeff away because he got tired with everyone thinks that Tyler is the best person in this world. At least with Jeff, he knew that Jeff loves him a lot more than he loves Tyler. He didn't expect that Billie would fall for Tyler this deep but he has Jeff now, that's what he wants the past fee months. He left with Jeff after that.
Billie went to his bedroom and pulled out a chest that's full with his sex toys. Tyler never saw that but he played with Joe before. He doesn't even know if Tyler is kinky enough to do what he wants him to do but he doesn't mind a vanilla sex with Tyler either. He just wants Tyler to feel free to use him anyway he wants. He waited for about an hour before Tyler came back with Chris.
Chris looks a little better now. Billie hugged him. Tyler realized that the house was weirdly empty. "Where's everyone?" He asked.
"I told you I have a plan for us." Billie smiled. "And you have to change, Chris. Drew will be here soon." He winked at Chris. Chris smiled at him and told Tyler he had to get dress for the date. Chris left Billie with Tyler after that.
"Where's everyone?" Tyler asked again.
"I will explain it to you but can we go to my bedroom first?" He asked back to Tyler.
"Fine.." Tyler hesitantly agreed.
Billie opened the chest after locking themselves in his bedroom. "I want to play with you tonight." He bit his lower lip.
Tyler sighed. "Where's everyone?" He asked again.
"Jeff and Joe moved out to my apartment and Myla is with Quinn. Ty, I love you and I really want you to know that I am all yours now." He held Tyler's hand.
Tyler wasn't answering Billie for a few minutes. He sat down on the bed instead. "So, they all left me, finally." He rubbed his face in frustration. "I'm a slut. I don't deserve them.." He sobbed a little.
"No.. that's not what happened, baby. I asked them to leave because I wanted to do something special with you. I love you, Ty. I want you to marry me." Billie kneeled in front of Tyler.
Tyler rubbed his tears. "Billie you deserved someone special not a slut like me." He smiled bitterly.
"Stop calling yourself a slut just because you got raped! I used to do that because I hated myself, because I killed my own son. I neglected Myla and let her got raped by our old manager. I love myself now because of you. You gave me that courage to fix my relationship with Myla. You gave me hope that things would get better if I tried hard enough. I really love you, Ty." He holds Tyler's hand.
"Billie.." Tyler choked up on his words because how sweet Billie was to him. "I'm a married man."
"To a man that clearly loves Joe more than you. I know you don't believe me but you are the only one for me now." Billie's eyes got teared up too.
"I didn't say I don't believe you. I just think you and Jeff would be happier with Joe." Tyler knew he had to tell Billie the truth that he couldn't tell Jeff. "I'm dying, Billie. I don't want you to love me." He felt a little bit of relief from telling that truth.
"What do you mean?" Billie realized that Tyler was hiding something again, that was why he pushed Jeff as far as he could.
"The doctor said that I have at most a year to live if I didn't get heart transplant." Tyler scoffed. "I don't want anyone to love me and be sad when that time comes. I told the doctor that I don't want to get the transplant. Someone else probably needs it more than I am."
"No! I.." Billie sounded frustrated. "You can't die! I don't want to lose another man that I love!" He hugged Tyler tightly.
"You lost someone before?" Tyler pulled Billie to sit on his lap.
"I loved him so much, Ty. I can't lose you like I lose him. I just can't.." Billie buried his face on Tyler's chest.
Tyler took a deep breath. "Fine, I'll go to a doctor here and we'll see if I can get to the list. I just don't know if I would survive long enough for that." He rubbed Billie's pretty pink hair. He kissed his forehead gently.
Suddenly someone knocked on the door. Billie jumped out from Tyler's lap and opened the door. Sometimes Tyler felt it's funny how small and young Billie looks even though he's as old as Tyler. Billie hugged the man that knocked on the door and dragged him away. Tyler assumed that it's the guy that would took Chris out. Tyler wants to spend a night with Chris because he knew he's dying and Chris knew about that too. Tyler told Chris when Chris explained why he looked so horrible when Tyler visited him. Apparently losing the baby with Rene really took a toll for Chris. He told Tyler that he was in a dark place and he ended up dating someone that's abusive. He let the man abused him because he felt so numb back then. Things have changed especially after he knew about Tyler's health. He told Tyler that he would never stop loving him and he will kept begging Tyler to get the transplant. The truth was, Tyler secretly put his name on the transplant list but the doctor told him that he shouldn't keep his hope up.
Billie was skipping when he's back to the bedroom. "They look so happy.." He smiled from ear to ear. Tyler always amazed on how happy Billie is even though his life is flooded with bad memories and experiences.
"How can you do that?" Tyler sighed.
"Do what?" Billie stopped smiling and stared at Tyler.
"Smile..." Tyler looked away.
Billie realized that Tyler was in so much pain mentally that he couldn't smile anymore, his smile always just a polite smile. "Because you are a great guy, unlike me. I messed up so many times that I can't be sad for my stupidity anymore. I just laughed it off and try to do better next time." Billie sat next to Tyler and wrapped up his arm around him. "Ty, I want you to live. Even if I have to split my chest open and give you my own heart, I would do that. I can't let you die." Billie shook his head.
"Tell me about that man.." Tyler pulled Billie closer and kissed his cheek. Tyler loves the fact that Billie did so much to keep his cheek smooth like a baby.
"He died from suicide. He was a gentle and nice man like you. He was raped when he was a kid by a woman. He hates women. I tried so hard to keep him happy, but..." Billie sniffled. "He did it with my sleeping pills."
"I'm sorry..." Tyler kissed Billie's cheek again, and he could feel Billie's tears. "Sorry, I asked you." 
"No, please don't be sorry. I want to tell everyone about him, but it's so hard. Kyle and Quinn didn't even know I dated him until he died in my bed. He's the man I kept in secret because I loved him too much. I don't want to share him because he was just a precious man to me." Billie rubbed his tears away.
"I wish I could be that man for Jeff." Tyler scoffed.
"You can't force love, Ty." Billie sounded so wise, and although Tyler knew how well Billie was with words, it still shocked him from time to time. "You can be that man for me, though." He gave a teasing smile.
"What about Joe? I thought you loved him." Tyler rubbed his cheek against Billie's.
"I did, but you saw him with Jeff. They are just so in love with each other. Maybe it's just a perk of being me. There are so many people who love me that I can choose who I want to be with. But I choose you now." Billie pressed his lips to Tyler's.
"Billie.." Tyler moaned a little; he couldn't lie that he loves how soft Billie's lips are. 
Billie knew that he needed to take off his clothes and teased Tyler even more, so he slipped his mini skirt off of his shaved legs. "Tyler, if I am still a virgin, I would like you to take that virginity now." He giggled.
"Fuckin.." Tyler's breath is getting heavy.
"Fuckin me?" Billie slipped his tank top off.
"You're going to be the death of me, Billie." He pushed Billie to lay down on his back. Billie only has a pink G-string covering his private part.
"I don't want you to die. I want you to be healthy and be my husband." He pulled Tyler aside to kiss his lips again.
"I'll try.. But.. I have to fuck you because you are so beautiful." Tyler sucked on Billie's neck. 
Billie slipped his fingers in between Tyler's hair and pressed him closer. Billie could feel Tyler's big cock growing harder as Tyler pressed it to his balls. Billie has pierced nipples, so when Tyler slid lower to suck and play with his nipples, Billie felt like his small dick also got excited. Billie tried to pull Tyler's pants off, but he kind of failed, so Tyler had to pull away and take his pants off and his briefs too. Tyler's dick sprung out happily as he took it out. Billie pushed Tyler to the bed and started climbing him and sucking his delicious cock. Tyler could just mumble gently and hope that he won't cum before he fucks Billie. Billie knew that as Tyler's dick got more excited, he had to stop. He grabbed the lube and started fingering his hole. Tyler got turned on by looking at Billie opening his hole for him. So once Billie stuck his third finger, Tyler poured some lube on his cock and slid himself inside Billie. Billie arched his back and moaned loudly. Billie felt like the sensation inside his prostate was going to make him blow up, but he had to hold himself together. He wants to cuddle with Tyler. Tyler started to thrust into Billie's hole, and it did not take long for him to cum inside Billie. Billie also coughed when Tyler's cock was still inside of him. Tyler actually told him to stay in bed after that. He dug Billie's sex toys chest and grabbed a butt plug. He inserted the butt plug into Billie's hole. He licked Billie's cum from Billie's smooth belly while he stuffed his hole. Tyler and Billie took a short nap after that.