The Ideas of Love

Chapter 27.

Jeff woke up the next morning without anyone next to him. He almost cried when he didn't see Tyler next to him. He was scared that Tyler had left him this time. But Tyler came back not long after I brought him breakfast in bed. He felt like he didn't deserve Tyler with all the things that Tyler gave him. He's still feeling the happiness from last night, and now Tyler is such a sweet boyfriend with breakfast in bed.
"Tyler, are you breaking up with me?" Jeff pouted.
"Of course not. Why are you thinking I would break up with you? Last night was amazing." He put down the wooden table with Jeff's favorite breakfast, chocolate chip pancakes, next to Jeff.
"I don't know; we have been denying our feelings for decades, and I feel like it's a dream that we finally be in a relationship with each other again." Jeff sighed, but he moved the tray to his lap and started to enjoy the pancakes. "Oh my goodness, this is so good!" He's smiling from ear to ear.
Tyler watched Jeff's reaction and couldn't help but fall in love with the man. "Jeff, are you happy about last night?" He rubbed his best friend's cheek gently.
Jeff tried to swallow his food before he answered the question, but of course his phone started to ring. He knew it was going to be Joe, so he muted the rings instead. "Of course I am happy with you. See, I am not even going to take Joe's call." He smiled and pulled Tyler closer. But his phone started to buzz again. Tyler climbed over Jeff and grabbed the phone. Jeff tried to grab it from Tyler, but he failed because Tyler moved away.
"What is it now, Joe? You dumped him months ago; he's with me now." Tyler confronted Joe right away.
"I just want to talk to Jeff and apologize.You will never make him happy, and you know that." Joe confronted Tyler.
"Why can't I make him happy? Because I'm bisexual?" Tyler knew why, but he would act like he didn't know.
Jeff was finally able to grab the phone from Tyler. "Joe, I really don't want to talk to you again. You dumped me with a note, and you left your ring on top of that note. You didn't even have the decency to actually do it in person. You are healthy again now, so I really don't want to talk to you anymore." Jeff hung up after that. "Where were we?" He grabbed Tyler and dragged him to the bathroom. He's planning to get Tyler naked and hot in the fancy bathroom of that hotel.
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"So you still want to go back to the compound?" Joe bit his lower lip.
"I have no choice, Joe. And I really don't want you to go there again." Myla held his ex-partner's hand tightly.
"I'm worried about the baby and you." Joe shook his head.
"I know, but you have to stay dead. Or else they will be suspicious. Why am I staying out for so long?" Myla shook her head too.
"Myla, I really can't forbid you to go back, but I am worried. I really hope you'll come out of it well with the baby, too. I love you and the baby. I am looking forward to having the baby with you and being a family." Joe hugged Myla tightly.
"I need to go, Joe. You have to have some fun tonight. I bought this ticket for Blue Bay months ago, and I really hope you'll enjoy the concert." She handed the ticket to Joe.
"Myla, how can I have fun when you are doing undercover work alone?" Joe shook his head again.
"Joe, you know I am probably stronger than you. I'm not losing that strength because I am pregnant. If it makes sense, the pregnancy actually makes me stronger because I want to protect my baby." Myla smiled.
"I'm not saying you are not strong; I just feel like I should come with you." Joe sighed.
"Your dad would never let me take you. I'll be fine, Joe." She hugged Joe one last time. "I need to go."
"Hey, wait.. I want to talk about the baby before you go." Joe bit his lower lip.
"This is my baby, not yours. You don't need to be the father. You told me over and over after you broke up again with Jeff that you didn't want to be a father. I am fine with that." Myla rubbed her belly; it's not showing yet, but she knows that the baby is there.
"I don't want you to be a single parent. I will help you, so please let me help. I never wanted to be a parent because my father was such a horrible example. But if I pretend that the kid is not mine, I am just like my father. I don't want to do that." Joe pulled Myla in and kissed her belly. "Please let me be in this baby's life." He pleaded.
"We'll talk about it after the undercover mission; what about that?" She rubbed Joe's hair gently.
"I suppose if that's what you want." Joe tried to pull out a smile.
Myla left Joe alone after that. Joe told Chris last night that he could never go back with Chris. Chris finally revealed that René might be having his baby, and he doesn't really know what would happen. The truth is, Joe and Chris were similar on that matter; they were not ready for babies. But, of course, René and Myla are ready for the baby. Jeff seems to be happy with Tyler now, even though Joe knew that Tyler couldn't make Jeff happy forever. He couldn't really do anything because he was the one who broke up with Jeff. Jeff tried to pretend that they were fine with everyone and hold his heartbreak for months, then Joe acted like an asshole when he woke up from the coma and just snapped Jeff's heart to pieces again. He wants to go to Tyler's apartment and maybe talk to Jeff in person, but on the other side, he knows how much Jeff loves Tyler, and maybe he deserves to be happy with Tyler even if it's temporary.
Joe finally picked up the ticket that Myla gave him. It's a VIP ticket to the Blue Bay concert with a backstage pass. Joe didn't know how Myla could afford that and why, because it's a famous rock band that Myla never listened to. Joe is a big fan, but she always told Joe that she didn't want to hear that band. The show was that night, so Joe dragged himself up and started to dress up. He put on some leather pants and a leather jacket. One of his ex-boyfriends was into leather and bought him some good-quality leather. He knew that Billie, the vocalist and guitarist of the band, is bisexual and borderline gender fluid. Blue Bay was Joe's favorite band since he was a teenager; he could remember that he had a lot of wet dreams about Billie. His father never let him see the band because it was too queer for him, and the funny part was that he ended up gay anyway. Joe was actually excited to see Billie in person for the first time ever.
The concert venue was full, and because it's a rock concert, VIP status doesn't really give much other than the backstage pass. The Blue Bay got famous when Billie was still seventeen years old, and Joe was twelve when he first saw Billie in a skirt and fishnet stockings. He, of course, could not understand why he thought Billie was so hot. Billie never really labeled himself as gender fluid, but he definitely said before that he likes to dress up in feminine ways. Of course, Joe didn't realize that Blue Bay's song also talked about Billie's bisexuality, but he could not really understand until he was older. When he was in high school, Joe thought he was bisexual like Billie, but then during college, he realized that he was a full-pledge gay man. Still, when Billie performs that night with a mini-tight leather skirt and see-through tank top, it turns Joe on. He couldn't understand that, but maybe Billie is just that special man that he has idolized since he was young.
After the concert, he showed his backstage pass to the security, and they let him in to meet the band. There's already a group of men and women that surrounded the band, especially Billie, to get his signature. There are some fans who got really handsy with Billie, and he just let them. Quinn, the drummer, and Kyle, the bassist, tried to push the handsy fans away from Billie, but Billie seems not to be bothered by it. He kissed a few fans who had asked for it. There's part of Joe that feels bad for Billie. He pushed some fans around to get closer and pulled Billie away when someone tried to grope his private part. Quinn and Kyle pulled Joe and Billie away to their dressing room.
"Billie, you really should stop behaving like this!" Quinn protested.
"Thanks to this man, you didn't get molested again by the fans. Good grief, Billie. We care so much about you, and you just kept taking drugs." Kyle threw his towel at Billie, and Billie just giggled.
Joe just stood in the corner, not really knowing what he needed to do. He really felt bad for Billie; he never knew that the fans would be that aggressive toward Billie, and he let them do that. "I think I need to go." He finally said it.
"Don't you want us to sign something for you?" Kyle smiled.
"I'm just.." Joe felt like the cat got his tongue, and he kept staring at Billie, who was almost naked on the sofa.
Quinn grabbed Joe's backstage pass, and he realized the numbers on the backstage pass. "Myla..." He stared at Billie as he read that name.
"Where's my sweetie? Where's Myla?" Billie suddenly looks like a sad puppy.
"Who are you to Myla? How did you get her ticket?" Kyle asked.
"I'm Myla's partner. How do you know the ticket is hers?" Joe confused.
"Partner as?" Kyle asked again, and he got more curious.
"The hell with that, where's my sweetie?" Billie tried to get up, but he lost his balance right away.
Joe ran to Billie and caught him before he fell. "Are you okay?" Joe scooped Billie easily. Billie looks so small and fragile. But once he realized how close he was to Billie, he blushed so hard.
"Oh, he's her cop partner." Quinn realized it right away.
"How do you guys know Myla?" Joe asked as he tried to put Billie back on the sofa.
"Billie loves her so much. She used to go on a tour with us before she went to the police academy. She broke up because, as you see, Billie is using stuff he should not use. We really tried to keep him away from that stuff, but he kept going back. I hope you're not going to put him in jail." Quinn explained it to Joe.
"Oh, I won't." Joe gestures, zipping his lips. Besides, he is no longer a police officer.
"Hey, you look strong. Could you carry Billie to our limo? I don't think he can walk anymore." Kyle rolled his eyes.
"I think I can." Joe bit his lower lip. He can't believe he will carry his idol around in his arms.
"You can just grab him; he likes people being handsy when he's high like this. He got assaulted a few times because of that. We really want to keep him safe, but we can't do that all the time." Quinn shook his head.
Kyle threw a hoodie at Joe. "Wear that so no one knows who you are. And keep your head down. And if you can, please hide Billie's face too."
Joe puts on the hoodie, then Quinn tells him to carry Billie and follows him. Joe scooped Billie again and carried him. They walked fast to the limo, and Billie ended up on Joe's lap as they sat in the limo. The guys invited Joe to come with them to the hotel; besides, Joe has to carry Billie to the hotel room.
"What's your name?" Kyle asked.
"I'm Joe." He tried to keep himself calm because his dick definitely wants to fuck Billie, who's barely conscious on his lap.
"Billie always sends ticket number 69 to Myla." Kyle finally explained how he knew that the ticket was Myla's.
"I never knew that Myla dated Billie before. She hates it if I play your song on our patrol car." Joe chuckled.
Kyle sighed. "Myla is not only dating Billie; they almost had a kid together. Billie ruined it for Myla, and she hated Billie after that. And of course, Billie always wants her to come back. I am pretty sure she'll come back if Billie stops getting high or drunk." He shook his head.
"We love Billie so much that we could never give up on him, but we were close to giving up on him that time." Quinn sighed too.
"I'm sorry I brought up bad memories." Joe held Billie tighter because the car was swerving a little.
"You are not, but Myla is the best thing that ever happened to Billie." Kyle scoffed.
"Do you mind sleeping next to Billie tonight? He usually needs someone to hold him all night. I just don't want to risk it with strangers. If Myla is your partner, I can definitely trust you to keep Billie safe." Quinn asked.
"I'll try.." Joe smiled bitterly.
"He'll probably give you an erection, but I think we can trust you." Kyle giggled.
Joe shook his head. "I don't know why you guys trusted me this easily. I could hurt Billie." He rubbed the smaller guy's back as he started to snore a little on his lap.
"Myla would never give her ticket to someone who would hurt Billie. The breakup was painful for both of them. We texted her every now and then, and she would stop by if she knew Billie endangered himself again. And you are a cop; I am hoping you'll be better than those people who took advantage of Billie." Quinn stared at Joe.
"I'm not a cop anymore, but Myla is still an important part of my life." Joe rubbed Billie's back gently.
"I can see you care for that stupid boy." Quinn stared at how Joe was rubbing Billie's back.
Joe stopped rubbing Billie's back. "Sorry, he reminds me of my ex." Joe stared at Billie, who fell asleep on his chest.
"He's probably happy anyway if you took advantage of him." Kyle chuckled again.
"Don't give him ideas, Kyle." Quinn suddenly looks upset.
The car suddenly stopped, and the guys told Joe to cover himself up again and help carry Billie to their suite. There are some fans that hang out in the hotel lobby, so the guys gave the key to Joe and sent him upstairs with Billie while the other guys distracted the fans. Joe really wanted to kiss Billie when they were alone in the elevator, but he couldn't do it without Billie's consent, so he just stared at that beautiful face. Billie's black hair looks so soft, and Joe wants to rub it gently and kiss Billie's forehead. It took a lot of Joe's self-control not to touch Billie intimately. Once he got to the suite, he found Billie's bedroom and laid the singer on the bed, but Billie pulled him away. Billie was finally awake, but Joe knew he was still under the influence of the drugs he used.
"What's your name?" Billie rubbed his eyes.
"I'm Joe." Joe smiled.
"Hmm, please fuck me." Billie didn't seem to be fully there, but he pulled Joe to the bed and started to strip himself.
"No, I can't. I'm sorry.." Joe pulled away, but Billie managed to wrap his arms around Joe's hip. "Billie, please stop."
"Please, I want you to fuck me. Please, I don't want to remember Myla again. I want someone to hurt me so badly that I forget what I did to  Myla. Billie started to sob.
"What did you do to her?" Joe stopped and stared at the singer. He's a little angry by the thought that Billie hurt Myla before.
But Billie lost consciousness before he could answer Joe. Joe had to shake him up. He's scared that Billie overdosed. But Billie came back not long after he started shaking him. He barely could form words, and Joe was really concerned about Billie's wellbeing. So he held Billie and stayed up all night, hugging him. None of the other guys checked on Billie and Joe that night.
The next morning, Billie woke up around nine, and Joe was feeling the tiredness creeping up on him. Billie's still not there 100 percent, but he's a lot better than last night. The guys dragged him to the bathtub and basically left him there with a cold shower on. Billie tried to protest, but he couldn't do anything. The guys made sure that nothing bad happened to Billie while Joe was dragging himself out of bed because he felt so tired. Quinn stopped him, and he knew that Joe had stayed up all night. He told Joe to take a nap there while they sobbed up Billie. Joe just nodded, and he fell asleep right away. When he woke up, it was probably around noon. Billie was staring at him when he opened his eyes. Joe almost jumped and punched Billie.
"I'm sorry.." Joe pulled himself away.
"Hi Joe, thanks for last night." Billie smiled. He wore a super-tight leather dress.
"I want to talk to you about last night." Joe took a deep breath.
"If you fuck me, I don't mind it. I vaguely remember I begged you to fuck me." Billie smiled. His green eyes stared at Joe.
"I didn't do anything sexual with you last night. But I want to know, What did you do to Myla?" Joe stared back at those green eyes.
Billie hesitated to say anything for the first couple seconds. "She was nine months pregnant, and her contractions started. I was drunk, and I lied to her. We crashed five minutes from home, and we lost the baby. She hated me for that. It pains me so much that I lost both her and our baby that day." Billie closed his eyes. "I love both of them so much."
"Why are you still doing drugs and drinks then? Shouldn't you stop to make amends for what you did to Myla?" Joe felt the anger building up inside him.
"Because I am not you or Myla. I'm not strong, Joe." Billie wiped his tears. "I tried to stop. I really do."
"What did you take last night?" Joe started to pressure Billie with the hope that he could help him.
"Lots of alcohol and my prescription drugs." Billie rubbed his face.
"I thought you were doing drugs, and your bandmate thought so too." Joe pressured Billie.
"I'm not taking anything else but my prescription and alcohol. I have anxiety and depression medications; I took them halfway through the concert, a little more than I should. Someone from security might be around, and I just want to look fine for her." Billie started to cry. "I just want Myla to forgive me."
"I can't help you with that, but I can help you get sober if you want to." Joe sighed. Half of him felt bad for what Billie had been through, but half of him was mad that Billie made Myla lose her baby.
"I tried everything. I'm just so messed up. That's why I deserve people assaulting me sexually because I am trash." Billie is still crying his heart out.
"Billie, no one deserves to be sexually assaulted. Look, Myla is doing something important for people like us. But I am sure that once she comes back, I'm sure she'll want to see you." Joe reaches in and tries to hold Billie's hand, but Billie climbs to his lap and continues to cry on his chest. "Billie, you have been my idol since I was a kid. You helped me so many times."
Billie tried to calm himself down, then stared at Joe. "Am I really helping you?"
"Yes, you helped me realize that I am gay, and it's fine. Your song, beautiful man I loved, really helped me go through the pressure of being gay." Joe started to rub Billie's back again.
"Can you fuck me then? I really need some sex." Billie, but his lower lip.
"Not now, Billie. But I can give you my numbers. I can take you on a special date and make you feel amazing." Joe hugged Billie gently. "I do want to kiss you if you allow me."
Billie smiled and kissed Joe's lips passionately. "You taste like a chocolate cake." He giggled as he finished his kiss.
"Billie, please promise me that you'll call me and get sober. I will let you know as soon as Myla comes back if you promise to stay sober." Joe rubbed Billie's cheeks.
"Fine.. I'll try for Myla." Billie smiled like a little kid.
Joe knew that he fell in love again with this amazing man; he just wished that Billie would be safe and sober. Billie is too important for Joe now; part of Joe just wants to protect Billie from anyone who would hurt him. And for once, Joe finally forgot about how miserable he was without Jeff in his life.