This review is from Read-aholic2006
Book Title: Silver: The Lost Royal
Author: sparklingauthoress
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(NOTE: This review is only based on the first 13 chapters. )
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Title: 5/5
At first, I thought it would be best to simply change the title to "Silver" as it may sound more striking. However, it would also be extremely vague. So, I find your current one to be very fitting.
Cover: 3/5
I'm surprised you didn't opt for a silver crown since it would seem more sensible, considering the title and what I've learnt in your story so far. I would reduce the image size so it perfectly fits on your cover.
Blurb: 4/5
In your second paragraph, it sounds like Elowen is the princess and not Karyn since you merely used the pronoun "she" instead of her name. And I don't know if you purposefully capitalized certain words that should remain in lowercase, but those ultimately count as grammatical errors (unless you have a valid reason for doing so). Lastly, I suggest that you replace the comma with a full stop (or a dash) in the last sentence of your third paragraph for dramatic purposes: ...to her, it was a chance to finally get justice for her parents. And she took it.
Creativity/Originality: 5/5
From your worldbuilding to your plot itself, you have showcased immense creativity.
Plot/Flow: 10/10
Despite being thirteen chapters in, the story hasn't actually taken off; the airplane is still on the runway. But I'm not really complaining. A lot has happened. A few shocking revelations have surfaced and the basic storyline has been fully pieced together. I think your plot is so fascinating that one simply forgets about the pacing and gets swept up into the pages. Plus, your origin stories for the magical realms and enemies are brilliant.
Characters: 7/10
The more chapters I had read, the deeper you dug into your characters. We learn more about Karyn's thoughtful disposition and logic-driven mindset, Zack's unusual deduction skills, Jamie's mental prowess and Gema's observant and apparently rebellious nature. I think, though, my favourite character would have to be Kara. Not only does she have an interesting role in your story, but she's a breath of fresh air compared to the sketchy behaviour of your other characters.
The mystery that shrouds Gema, Jamie, Marcella and Zack is what makes these four individuals so captivating. I wasn't sure if I could trust any of them (not even Elowen's parents). But my suspicions, which were mostly concentrated on Jamie, had dissipated once my focus landed on Zack. He's very intriguing, to say the least. I have many unanswered questions that revolve around his background and I'm still not sure if I can fully trust him (even though Karyn acts as though she'd be willing to leap off a ledge if he told her to).
Now, I know you know what your characters look like, but remember—your readers don't. So try not to present your audience with a heavy platter of physical attributes because they may find it overwhelming. Hence, I suggest that you simplify your first-time descriptions of the four new students as they all seem rather... forced. Here's an example: The second boy stood at a distance from the four of them, resting on a pillar with his head cast down onto his phone and a scowl on his face. His chiseled jaw, perfectly arched brows and tousled dark blonde hair with strands that fell to his temples stole her attention at once.
The above-mentioned paragraph could be revised as follows: But her attention was immediately captured by one of the boys who stood at a distance, casually leaning against a pillar. A scowl claimed his face while his gaze remained nailed to his phone. Although his dark blonde hair appeared to have been caught in a wild wind, it complemented his careless demeanor. Karyn's eyes furtively slipped down to his chiseled jaw...
I may not have mentioned his eyebrows or the way his strands fell to the sides of his head, but you still have ample time to regularly—but naturally—incorporate these small details into your narration (if you're still willing to do so). However, what I've noticed is that you don't often describe their physical features (besides Zack's eyes, of course) and that easily creates a disconnection between the reader and your characters.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that when Gema told Karyn that they were looking for a princess, she didn't seem surprised. I mean, I would've been in disbelief; I'd have made a joke about the absurdity of such a statement and laughed it off. Are the people of Emerfield used to tales of royalty?
Writing style/grammar: 6/10
Your personification was powerful and vivid: The scream that emerged from the lowest depths of her chest pierced through the silence of the night as a gripping chill seeped through her bones and held them hostage. And I can say the same for your similes: Every breath of air felt like acid scalding her lungs.
However, I felt as though some of your other descriptions did not do justice to your overall writing abilities. Here's just one example: She heard a voice, but it was too late. The light came at her with maddening speed and she felt the impact as a searing hot pain shot through every fiber of her being, originating from her chest. She saw the world shift as her feet lifted from the ground beneath her.
The extract above is undeniably beautiful, but you can still utilize other striking adjectives to bring this scene to life:
But the warning did not reach his ears in time as the blast shot out of his palm, barreling towards her with maddening speed. The impact tore her feet from the ground and knocked the air right out of her lungs as a searing hot pain exploded in her chest and shot through every fiber of her being. It felt as though her body were set on fire, burning from the magic...
Even so, I love the part that reads: "She saw the world shift." Perhaps you can find a way to weave this detail into your revised paragraph.
Your grammatical errors touch on capitalization, dialogue punctuation, comma omissions and tenses. You've also made one or two typos.
Genre relevance: 5/5
So far in your story, one can tell that your book falls under the dark fantasy genre. I haven't read as much as to classify it as adventurous or epic, but I know Karyn would have to embark on an exciting journey. And although it isn't entirely so, your book could somewhat fit the criteria of a psychological thriller due to the intensely mysterious atmosphere and untrustworthy characters who mess with your better judgment.
Reading enjoyment: 8/10
I would have continued reading if it weren't for my other duties. Although at some point I found it difficult to differentiate between a few of the deceased characters and to recall the events that took place during Wlerden's past, it didn't make your story any less enjoyable.
Overall thoughts and extra comments: 53/65
You mainly have to focus on your grammar, characterization and overall imagery. Other than that, your worldbuilding is well executed and I love your characters. Wonderful work.
