Review completed by Nikachu22. This review is for voldylaughs.
Beau
Main Focus: How do I attract more readers?
Title: The title is basic which can be a problem when you have thousands of books on the app. It can be washed under others so I'd suggest you add more to it or make it a little more catchy. Sometimes a catchy title will help bring in some readers. You want to focus on something witty, because the story itself doesn't have depth, even if that's just adding another word or two.
Cover: The cover could use some work as well. I'd take out the picture in the background. I'm not sure why her expression looks to be in agony, but in a way it is a little off putting and doesn't really relate to the story at all. A picture of a drawn colorful phone or even something that represents the Harry Potter series would be useful. It helps those that like Harry Potter a sign to come take a look at this. Maybe a picture that represents what the book is about. The title, and the cover do not help with telling what's to be expected during the reading. This adds on to the already boiling confusion. If you can bring all of it together, it will work out perfectly. They need to be the first things that give the pull when a reader decides upon whether or not they will even consider it.
Blurb: This is where your words, after the cover and title does the visual work, is supposed to draw in readers. For your blurb, your story still has a plot. Just because it's about chat rooms, doesn't mean the story doesn't have substance, so in this section explain just a little with what the readers will be dealing with. If the story doesn't have thought or depth how can you expect others to invest? Maybe something along the lines like Adelynn, (explain who she is physically or dump us with some kind of reaction she has so we can get a glimpse of who she is mentally) has become a part of-- explain what she joins and then give a little detail on some of the stuff that unfolds as she progresses. Even add some Harry P, references, but remotely anything that could boostup the likelihood of someone's decision. Ask yourself this? What would you as a reader like? Then implicate this in your own story.
The sentence In which adelynn gets added to a lost groupchat and makes it alive -- What does this mean? Does she make it out alive? Signaling there's some scary stuff or is this like she's the life of the party? But who is Adelynn? Think.... are readers supposed to just give it a try? They'll figure it out later or do you want them to relate to her? This line combined with the cover makes it seem like something bad is going to happen to her.
Try to draw in readers by making them become interested in a chatroom book. What will they be expecting as they read? Any hard plot twists? Or anything she goes through? Remember not too much in the blurb though.
Setting: Can you explain how the chat rooms look? I know this may not make sense, but hear me out. So have you ever been in a chatroom? Some of them are decorated by the moderators/creators. Some have different backgrounds and may only use certain emoji's. I'd give the setting life by describing how a certain group is decorated. You can do so as an introduction or maybe explain it after the MC joins so we can picture what it is that she sees. This will also set the tone up for the personalities of the people in the group, which I'll explain next.
Characters: In a book with multiple characters, you want to have one thing and one thing only, DISTINCTION. What you do not want is to have names and then the same personalities. No one will have substance. No one will have any type of flair and it'll easily become boring. Yes, people share common interests, but at the same time we all have our own views. When you write a book, that too exists. Harvest that and feel what your characters feel. Maybe in italics, write what the MC is thinking about a character or how she describes the character, but all of these will be from her thoughts. This will also help readers understand the emotion. Your chapters will be larger which is also a bonus.
Also the MC, I notice she will join a chat and then leave, gets added back, deletes people, and then leaves, in some way this signifies that her personality is a bit petty or immature, but that shouldn't be what defines her as a character. She needs a bit of a dissection, in which she is figured out. Not just saying little snip things. She's the strongest character because she's also the main character so you want her to drive your story with her details and in-depth structure. She falls flat or become dsilikeable by readers, the book may be dropped due to her.
Emotion: If this is what you're going for then it is fine, but I found the only emotion coming out of the book is comedy with a little bit of romance. When it comes to dealing with multiple characters you'd want emotions on different levels.
Plot: Doesn't seem like the book has a plot with many plot twists. In the end, this will have a high chance of being dropped. A plot, plot twists, character growth, they all play roles in a story and when a story lacks that, a story may not be worth reading to some. I'd really focus here and ask yourself, what is happening? I see that in the chapter titled Sevvy Snape (since there's no numbers I'm going to say chapter 5) that you actually put movement in her real world before she joined the chat room. This right here could actually be a great thing. Adding her real life whereabouts or movements as she progresses through the story will give life to things developing, but in the end, you could always draw her back to the chat rooms where her life mostly exists. This breathes new air into your story, by incorporating a world outside of her phone. You can still make the chat rooms the main focus while still painting a world that she lives in, but you may want to give details as you paint this world. Some of the pictures and the memes the characters did were a bit over exaggerated and out of character so I'd tone them down just a little bit.
Also, it looks like there were pictures that didn't match the characters' looks which I found a bit confusing.
Total: This book is a good book for what it stands for and its solidity in representing group chats are on point. There is a lot going on with so many characters and your book really harvests the essence of what happens in group chats. They get chaotic at times, but you still want that depth. You want to make a memory to those that read it. I did enjoy the comedy and the way some characters interacted. I think grounding the story a little bit and thinking about what you want will greatly help. The way the chat rooms are set up and it is clear on who is speaking is also very well done. With some tweaking, added detail and a clear path, I think it has potential. Also, if you haven't already, promote yourself and get others to promote you as well by doing some exchanges. In the long run, you want constant readers and the more others find your book enjoyable, the more you'll gain traction. You have to have that confidence in what you stand for and look at it this way no matter what you write someone will enjoy it. Now, you have to be able to reach those that will. Join books that will help promote.
Thank you for allowing me the chance to review this piece and as always keep writing!
