This review was done by craftychicken. This review is for The One by Jakeyboi98.
Title 5/5 I like the title, it's mysterious and it makes you want to click on the story.
Cover 4/5 The cover is pretty terrifying but it works for the story.
Blurb 3/5 In my opinion your blurb is a little short.
First chapter 6/10 I find the paragraphs a little long. I also feel a little confused.
Characters 11/15 As we've only really met a few characters I can't really give full marks.
Plot 14/20 Ok, I was super confused throughout the first few chapters.
Grammar/ vocabulary 20/20 Not a single mistake throughout.
Writing 6/10 Your writing is not to my personal taste.
Personal enjoyment 5/10 I don't really read a lot of sci fi, I'll explain more in my review.
Total 74/100
Review
Ok, I will explain each one of my points in order as you didn't give anything specific for me to focus on.
A quick note first. I did enjoy your story as much as I could and I even read the first three chapters twice to try and comprehend the world and the history of the Xalurians.
Ok, let's get into the review.
First up, the cover. I like your cover, but to me, it screams horror. While this isn't a bad thing, I'm not entirely sure if the cover fits with a sci-fi story. My guess is that the creature on the cover is supposed to be a Xalurian. If it is, then ignore everything I've just said, it works.
Second, the blurb. Your blurb is a little short and doesn't really describe what the story is about. A blurb that is successful in making people want to read your story should do three things: It should introduce the main character/ characters. It should briefly introduce the main plot. It should create intrigue and make people want to read your story.
So far, I believe you are succeeding in the first two but I think it could be better.
I'm going to make an attempt at writing a blurb for you. (Please note that I struggled to understand the history of the Xalurians, so most of this is made up of sentences from the first chapter) I have tried to keep most of your original blurb in here.
In a world where humans never existed, an advanced species known as Xalurians creates a single man known to them as 'One'. When One escapes with the help of one of the Xalurians, the two embark on an adventure to explore a planet, teeming with beauty and dangers. Together, the duo embark on their adventure and along the way One discovers his role in the universe.
I realize now that isn't much better. I'm so sorry but I really didn't know what else to add in here.
Ok, next up, plot. I was really confused as to what was happening for most of the first two chapters. I read the first chapter twice to try and understand the history of the Xalurians and what was happening. It may be me being too stupid to understand it, but I hardly understood what was going on.
Your paragraphs are quite long, which can be a little overwhelming and off putting. Most people don't enjoy reading long paragraphs. I think if you separate the paragraphs a little more, it will bring you a lot of readers as there are definitely people who will love this.
As someone who has little to no knowledge of space and anything to do with science, I found myself trying hard to follow the story. The way you write is as if you know that the person reading already understands everything. I feel like creating a glossary for more complicated words and terminology before the story with definitions would really help people like me who don't understand much about these topics.
Ok, I feel like I could enjoy this story if you were able to describe the history a little better. You clearly have a good idea here, and a unique story. If you tweak a few things and describe the Xalurians to us a little better, this will be an amazing story.
On a positive note, I love the title and there were no spelling or grammar mistakes at all. As someone who has a lot of issues with this after writing for a year, I congratulate you as grammar and spelling are always something I need to pull people up on.
In conclusion, if you take a few things into action, this will become an amazing story and you can definitely make this very successful.
Thank you for asking me to do this review for you. I wish you the best for the future and good luck on your writing journey.
Craftychicken :)
