This review is from Read-aholic2006
Book Title: Of Moons and Blood
Author: xostardustx
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(NOTE: This review is only based on the first nine chapters. )
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Title: 5/5
It conforms to the typical mould of fantasy titles, but it's reasonable and striking.
Cover: 4/5
The grey foliage and background complement the generally somber atmosphere of the book. The indigo leaf and blood-red moon are a vibrant splash of colour that snags your attention. And I agree with your choice of font. Only problem is, I can hardly see your username.
Blurb: 3/5
I noticed three grammar mistakes: In the first line, Blake's should not have an apostrophe. You also used the semicolon incorrectly. And in the first line of the second paragraph, you should write, "she and her siblings are in turmoil."
I'd also make a few adjustments to your diction to avoid repetition of the word "sibling". For example: When the eldest child in a Moonborn family is of age, all siblings—including the firstborn—are forced to battle each other to the death. The surviving sibling inherits the magic of his murdered brothers and sisters, strengthening their bloodline.
I also suggest that you add slightly more information about your plot in paragraph 2 so that you have a smooth transition sentence between the mention of Atlas becoming of age and Calypso having to go on a random rescue mission. For example: When Calypso Van Blake's eldest brother becomes of age, she and her siblings are in turmoil, prompting her younger brother to run off with their baby sister. However, his desperate escape attempt is hindered by an unexpected enemy who traps them both on a mysterious island.
And from there on, you can do as you please. But these are merely ideas.
Creativity/Originality: 5/5
I don't think I have to tell you that your storyline is creative. But yes, your artistry shines through the various concepts you've invented.
Plot/Flow: 9/10
Your plot itself is solid. But it felt as though your first chapter was dragging on and on. I think that half of the information you tossed into this chapter could have been reserved for future narration. An effective technique would be to either include a striking prologue or shorten your first chapter to keep readers engaged.
However, in Chapter 2, your plot was finally kicking off to a great start with the sudden conflict and mention of your antagonists.
You have also created a great build-up towards some surprising revelations, but I won't spoil anything. And the tempo of Chapter 6 is excellent and nerve-racking, perfectly matching the pace of Callie's racing thoughts.
Characters: 8/10
You've performed well in the department of distinct characterization. Alberich Van Blake is a ruthless, patriotic man who would do anything to keep his family safe; Calypso's personality revolves around equanimity and cynicism; Cyrus has a bit of a temper and despises Moonborns; Maddox is unnervingly sweet and enigmatic at first...
But although you naturally introduce all of your characters, you don't quite describe all of them in such a fluid manner. In Chapter 1, Calypso explicitly states what she is like. Instead of doing this, regularly display her nonchalance through speech, demeanor, placid countenances and calm reactions.
Writing style/grammar: 6/10
In Chapter 3, when Calypso is absorbed into the red glow of the watch, you could refine your chaotic description as follows:
"But this time, the glow is red—and the magic is hot. Too hot. I wince in pain as the metal burns my fingers, causing the timepiece to slip from my hand and clunk against the wooden floor. With caution, I stoop down to pick it up, but when I do, I'm forcefully dragged towards the fiery glow. I try to lean away, but it's as though the scorching light is a magnetic portal, pulling at my body. Before I know it, I'm plunged into a world of seamless shadows—an uninviting abyss. My head frantically whips around as I try to make sense of my surroundings. Where am I? Red, orange and yellow flicker across my vision..."
Look, I don't know, but that was merely a suggestion.
Now, I know you have already admitted to this, but you have a terrible tendency to repeat certain details (an understandable habit, really). You would explain that moon magic is only present at night when you had already stated this point in the previous paragraph. But then in the next paragraph, you would reiterate that most Moonborns can't perform magic during the day.
Another example of such redundancy appears in the following excerpt: For now, I place the silk bag containing my brother's birthday present in my old satchel lying across the table. See, your readers already know that the silk pouch contains Atlas' gift and you had previously mentioned that she tossed her satchel onto the kitchen table. Hence, your revision will read as follows: For now, I place the silk bag in my old satchel.
Your main grammar mistakes include using the semicolon incorrectly and using "I" instead of "me". For example, the following sentence will be incorrect because Calypso and Maddox are the subjects of the sentence and NOT the objects: Me and Maddox don't know each other that well. Therefore, the sentence should start off as, "Maddox and I...".
Overall, your imagery is lovely (The dark pavement beneath my boots soon transforms into the titanium white brick that covers our town square) and adds to the worldbuilding process (such as when you describe the blue grass of Lunaria).
Genre relevance: 5/5
You've certainly adhered to the fantasy genre.
Reading enjoyment: 8/10
Honestly, I first found your book to be very... slow. And boring. But then your story suddenly started to pick up the pace with exciting conflict and new characters. My eyes became glued to my screen as I scrolled from one chapter to the next. I would've continued reading but then I would've never properly started with your review.
Overall thoughts and extra comments: 53/65
Your creativity, protagonists, villains, vehement diction, similes and personification all contribute to a fascinating read. With rigorous editing, you'll have yourself a flawless book. Well done.
