Book Title: The Matchmaker
Author: Prose36
Review By: Read-aholic2006
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(NOTE: This review is only based on the first 5 available chapters. )
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Title: 5/5
Your title is definitely pertinent and rather mysterious.
Cover: 3/5
I'm not a fan of the glitch effect used on the image. And the font type and colour of the title are a little harsh on the eyes. Also enlarge your username and maybe reduce the size of the image so it fits properly on the cover.
Blurb: 3/5
Your very first paragraph was original and captivating—but it went slightly downhill from there. It would be best if your next paragraph revealed the outline of your plot. For example: When a mysterious man starts appearing to some of the students of Prabodhan, he strikes an enticing deal with them—a dark deal that they can't back out of once the contract has been signed. Would they reject the offer? Or eat from the forbidden fruit and face the consequences?
This is also a great way to end your blurb. But of course you can edit and include your own details to add more body to your blurb.
Creativity/Originality: 5/5
I've never heard of such a storyline before, so I believe your book checks the authenticity box.
Plot/Flow: 9/10
You have already set a tone of mystery and suspense in your first chapter, introducing us to MM. Your plot itself is intriguing, although not much has happened. The Matchmaker has lured me into the story—what does he want to do with sixty minutes of Mahi's time? And how is he able to cause someone's love interest to pay more attention to them?
Regarding the flow of your story, learn to iron out the creases between your paragraphs and sentences; don't randomly jump from scene to scene, but utilize transitional phrases.
Characters: 8/10
I don't have a problem with your characters; I only have a problem with how you introduce some of them. Merely mentioning a name won't suddenly spark recognition within your readers. You've already presented us with more than ten characters in just five chapters. It can get overwhelming and confusing.
And your characterization needs improvement. Do not merely state what a character looks like and what type of personality they have, but let the descriptions flow naturally. Consider the following example: She was a really sweet and simple girl... And she always wore traditional dresses and her face literally shouted 'I'm a bookworm'. This previous paragraph sounds rather stiff. Hence, try to bleed those small details into your narration and your character's speech or actions with subtlety.
Nevertheless, your characters are all quite distinct. Mr. Patvardhan is a strict teacher with the reputation of shaming his students.
Mahi is a bit of an overthinker and infatuated with Varun, who you seem to describe as both passionate and humorous. Aruna is a typical flirt and Lalit is the smart, socially awkward boy.
And then there's MM. He's mysterious, enigmatic and probably your most interesting character.
Writing style/grammar: 5/10
Grammar mistakes include: word omissions and incorrect use of a semicolon, dialogue punctuation, word usage, capitalization and prepositions. Also, please comb through your work to fix any typos and ensure the use of appropriate diction.
Avoid doubling your punctuation—a single question or exclamation mark would suffice. Also steer clear of redundancy. One of your sentences reads: That's why one must have a certain presence, a social circle, and a whole lot of friends. It sounds repetitive, so change it to: That's why one must strive to emphasize one's existence through the establishment of numerous friendships.
Some of your descriptions can be convoluted, as you're trying to squeeze too much information into just one sentence. For example, in one of your chapters you wrote: Vedraj was sitting on the desk in the middle, with Umesh on one of his side and Satbeer further next to him. You just mentioned three new characters and where they were positioned in one breath. Try not to mention any insignificant details.
Genre relevance: 5/5
So far, your story displays the necessary elements of a thriller—the mystery factor, a dark atmosphere and a gripping storyline. And the humour in your dialogue is on point and realistic.
Reading enjoyment: 6/10
I wouldn't say I enjoyed your story to the point that I was eager to jump to the next chapter. However, I would definitely like to see how everything works out in the end, find out what MM's plan is, who he is. If you improved your narration, then I would have been more captivated by your story.
Overall thoughts and extra comments: 49/65
Always ensure you know the meaning of a word before using it. Use more powerful diction and figurative language. Flesh out your characters in a much more natural way. Focus on the fluidity of your sentences to enhance your transitions. If you take all this advice and edit the mistakes I pointed out in the review, then you're several steps closer to creating a masterpiece. Wish you all the best!
