Love at Dawn by LiebeKlara. This review was done by Nikachu22.
Main focus: Characters and writing style.
I understand your book has a few characters in it, so what I did was fish around a little instead of reading through because your main focus didn't require an opinion on the plot. I'm looking at certain points where I think more detail could really help the writing style and everything about the characters themselves.
Chapter one: I enjoyed the writing style in the first ⅓ of the first chapter (before the time skip). You gave ample detail that assists with visuals of the characters, and it was clear that you have the look of the characters within your head in order to write about them so naturally. I enjoyed the characters' descriptions the most, especially of the child in chapter one. It was small, but I could vividly picture her with her freckles and braided hair as she walked. Your choice in detail is nice as they are not overpowering, nor are they too little. They sit in a realm where the flow of the first chapter is great to read.
During the first chapter I liked the fact that the dialogue hadn't taken center stage in the first ⅓ of the chapter, but rather fit in nicely with the descriptions. I did however see some punctuation mistakes. Some of the commas and periods didn't have the appropriate separation space which glued two words together, but that is to be expected I believe in writing. Some things are going to escape even after reading a thousand times.
The character interaction wasn't intense and was something I expected given the setting. Combined that with the writing style and this first chapter gives a lovely base. Something you'd find reading by a fire or curdled up.
Now onto the first-time skip where Edith finds herself gazing upon paintings. Here is as an author your creativity could have shined a lot more. I think that really harvesting some descriptions about the paintings she saw and then writing it out would greatly help us as readers understand his level of skill. I'm not sure what Prometheus stealing fire is as a painting. I think it would help those that do not know art understand how beautiful it truly is as well as give us insight of your knowledge as a writer.
What Edith feels and sees, but not with every painting, just maybe one or two. I would like to indulge and actually understand what it is that she is seeing even if it is done from a child's innocent perspective. I am left to guess what she sees or look it up. I know it is stated that she isn't well versed in art, but only acted as such.
The last third of the chapter was fine as the first third. You really harvested his personality, and he gives off that sort of boring painter vibe, but it takes a person to understand him to fully grasp his personality and just know he literally reeks of complexity but shows simplicity. He outshines her by a lot in this chapter, because as a character he's solid and his reactions and movements are written perfectly.
Chapter two:
This is where the dialogue took over substantially in which I felt it was overpowering and character portrayal took a heavy hit. They often spoke their emotions instead of showing them. Though dialogue is fine, it's still nice to see the characters act themselves. I think adding a little more personality into this chapter could help.
Chapter three:
This chapter as well needs more character portrayal. Edith has just learned that Andre has vanished. Where are her emotions here? Where is the depth of loss that we as readers should be able to feel as this is something big for her as a character. Mentally, physically... What is transpiring in this young girl's mind and heart? Andre was everything at this given moment and time and he is now gone suddenly. The feelings have to be that of betrayal, abandonment, loss, sadness. There's so much that you could've included here that would also help us understand Edith's pain as well as relate to her and clear up their relationship as well. Draw a line between whatever needs to be drawn and what doesn't. She had to be physically suffering. I'd like to see that. It's just a small little section of the chapter and that's really it. You have to harvest her emotions by feeling what it is that she's feeling so that you could write about it. You said that she was truly distraught because she almost ran all over Rouen that day. She had to have been looking for him, yes?
She should've suffered from anxiety, tears streaming down her face because she's lost someone without warning. Not having the proper goodbye from something that she's used to and she's still a child right now. Being casted aside as if she meant nothing. It hurts. Feel that as an author. And let Edith tell it.
I also have to ask because I have been skimming through to look for the second part of the blurb, but in what chapter does Fiona make it into the main plot? She's spoken of in the blurb meaning she represents some kind of main focus, but I've yet to find her unless I've skimmed over something. I expected to see her story begin earlier than what I could see. I started seeing her name at the end of the book. If I am mistaken, please correct me.
Your writing style is great. Word choices, descriptions are all great, but there were times where the character portrayal took a hit and I felt there was more to be given than what I received.
I'll give you an example here in the closing notes instead of where it should actually belong.
The door was unlatched as usual. The room is empty. Edith's small heart took a hit when her worried gaze like a lighthouse's ray of light scanned the small room. There had been dust marks where items had once laid. The ones she could vividly remember there only hours ago. Light shone from a nearby window welcoming sunrise, casting what little warmth she had felt within her. A sadness riddled her expression, contorted in pain as her top lip rose, she spun on heels. Hair chased behind her, hastily, her scuffing had taken her to the front desk. Small, barely over the counter, voice sung out to soon be filled with regret. She could not compose herself, only to be told that Andre had moved on.
The beating in her chest nearly stopped as the blood from words she did not want to hear fell into her stomach. A feeling such a child should not have to go through. The rush filled her eyes with tears. Warm liquid blurred vision, bottom lip trembled in loss. Her knees felt weak, and she wanted nothing more than to be told this was all just a joke.
"W-where does he go...?" Voice as small as a whisper, attempting to hold the need to cough. The lump in her throat made it harder to breathe.
I'll end it here because I could get carried away when I start to do this. I enjoyed what I had read to compile this review. I read beyond chapter 3, but I also bounced around. The first chapters are the setting stone for what to expect and when you have a plot twist thrown in there, especially with required emotion, the delivery is everyone. I admit that you're a talented writer. With a little editing and more focus on character portrayal I think this story could lean towards having the much-needed emotion as well as having other solid qualities that's already there. Thank you for giving me the time to review this.
