This review is for Wstrn_keys with Shanga. It was completed by Hershey_297.
***Disclaimer- I only read the poems in English! I didn't want to miss anything if it was written in another language.***
Poem #1: I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight (4/5)
Immediately, the first few lines had me hooked. You really know how to capture someone's attention in the beginning of your poetry. I also liked the last words being on a separate line since it gave it a shape of sorts.
Something I did notice was that you used commas at the end of your lines. The next line was also capitalized, which left me a bit confused. After a comma, a word wouldn't be capitalized.
In the fourth stanza, "cause" is capitalized, but I'm sure that's just a small error.
As you read further, you can really sense the emotion in this poem which makes me wonder... is this based on a true story?
In the last line, I would add a comma after "me."
It ends with a period, but the beginning of the lines are capitalized. This was the most confusing thing in this poem, but otherwise... It was amazing! You managed to capture the emotion of grief from what I assume was a parent. It struck a chord in me as I read, and this is just a beautiful piece overall. Good job!
Poem #2: Not Good At First Impressions (4/5)
From the start, you have me hooked. Again. It's a really simple, but effective start.
Again, the commas are confusing me a bit because the next line is capitalized.
The voice/tone in this poem is completely different from the last. I can sense the awkwardness of the person saying these things, which is a really good sign!
I like where you were going with the last line, but it feels a bit awkward to read. I had to read a few times to understand what it was trying to say. I would add an "and" somewhere since it feels kind of like a run-on sentence.
There is a lowercase "I" near the end as well, so I would fix that. In the same line, it says "sense" instead of "senses." It would have to be plural.
Again, your descriptions are spot on and beautiful. It reflects mental disorders or awkwardness really well. Great job!
Poem #3: The Sun And The Anus (3/5)
Do I even have to say anything about the title? Nope. You've captured my attention and really weirdly at that.
The description in this one... pretty accurate for a comparison of the digestive system and the sun.
"It's" is capitalized for no reason in the first stanza, so I would change that.
I would add a comma after "contradictory" because it separates the question from the phrase (if that makes sense).
The last line confuses me. "Is" is also capitalized, so I would lowercase that. I'm not sure what's wrong with it, but I would take a look at that.
This is probably one of the most unique poems I've read so, great creativity on your part!
Overall score: (11/15):
Overall, your poems and description were beautiful.
I would look for grammar errors and accidental capitalizations because there were quite a few of those.
Also, I would take a look at the comma thing.
These were really creative, and I enjoyed reading them! I think you said you were planning to publish these, so good luck to you, and I hope I helped in some way!
