The Journey To Happiness

Chapter 18

HARPERS POV:

One week into the Christmas break, Christmas being next week everyone was excited. But I had my own problems to get through.

Mom noticed how I was behind in math, also opening up about how the numbers always seemed so tangled up, how I would often get confused. Mom being a neurosurgeon, she booked me in for cognitive tests with a good friend called Kai.

I'm sitting in the office where I am going to be taking the exams while they are setting up Mom explained to me what is going to happen in the cognitive tests. They will be timing my responses and also doing an observation on a math questionnaire.

My leg bouncing up and down, up and down. The pit in my stomach felt more present, I hated the thought of math. The anxiety over it made me panic even more and stress that I was completely going to fail and something was wrong with me.
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The tests were set up, I sat at the desk and was presented with a range of puzzles. I was timed and observed, I sat there unsure about all the pieces and how I would fit them together. I took a deep breath, sitting there in absolute confusion. I started to try to fit the pieces together, but kept misplacing each puzzle piece. I began to get frustrated and got angry with myself, I started to bang my head on the table.

"This is so stupid! My fucking brain is messed up!" I lashed out and snapping.
Mom walked over when she saw me banging my head on the wooden desk. "No don't do that, you could hurt yourself." She said hugging me closely. "And your brain is not messed up, it's perfect and unique, you're unique" She said patting me on the back.

She stayed by my side as I moved onto the next puzzle, it involved numbers and patterns. I had to find the pattern of numbers in order to unlock the capsule, there were numbers already typed in 7,14,21. I sat there confused, the numbers became muddled up, they scattered across the room making the numbers look completely random it looked like 111742 as I tried to focus on the numbers. I looked up at Mom, she placed her hand on my shoulder. I tried to count on my fingers, but kept losing track as I couldn't make it past the number 10 on my hands.

I began to get frustrated again, I wanted to scream. I typed in some numbers randomly I chose 82, 53, 24. It didn't unlock, I was frustrated at my failing efforts. "I'm a failure, just cut open my brain already you might as well it's messed up I know it." I said crying and rather angry at myself for not understanding or getting it right. Mom just stood there with a sympathetic look on her face.
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It was time to move onto the questionnaire, I was placed in a room that had a window to be observed from. Mom stood behind the window while Kai was in the room with me with their clipboard and watch.

I sighed as I stared at the number questions. My leg bouncing nervously, I bit my nails. I didn't want to fail, I knew I just couldn't get these answers right even how hard I tried. I kept twiddling with my thumbs.

"Harper whenever you're ready, take your time" Kai said as they saw my leg bouncing and my clear signs of anxiety. I stared down at the page lifting up the pen tapping it on the table. I began to doodle on the page as I counted my fingers to try and add and subtract the numbers that were in front of me. Of course I remained confused as the numbers kept scattering across the page. I tried to make simple methods of column additions, but kept messing up the method. I realised I kept muddling up the numbers whenever I went to copy down the equation often switching round a few numbers.

This frustrated me a lot, I decided to just give up. I was never going to get it right anyways, I began to draw not really knowing what I was drawing, just letting my hand draw whatever. I looked at my drawing and realised it looked a lot like a person with their hands on their head, their brain exploding with numbers.

"I'm done.." I said feeling wobbly. Kai picked up the paper, took a look at it and smiled at me. I went back to Mom's office while Kai and Mom wanted to discuss some things.
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AMELIAS POV:

"They are a lot of signs of dyscalculia, some form of slow cognitive processing disorder and a strong anxiety over math as my observations noticed constant nail biting and leg bouncing. Her frustration when she couldn't get it right. Her speed in the cognitive puzzles was slow, I noticed that the numbers she put in on the capsule were the correct numbers yet the 1 & 2 digit were switched. In a way her brain is working opposite with numbers. Her questionnaire part, the working out she was constantly switching numbers and mixing them up during the working out parts. She then lost focus and began to doodle, this drawing caught my eye. It appears to be a person holding their head a brain exploding and numbers flying out. I think drawing is a way of communication for her, she's talented at art and in many things at her own pace" Kai said as I nodded throughout the conversation.

"What do we do now?" I asked worried about what support she would need and how bad her cognitive ability would be. "Well we will evaluate her and see where her level is to determine her support, but from observing her, the math anxiety is rather extreme and the frustration she holds when she is not getting it right isn't 'normal'. I think the support what she needs is something a high school could not offer her" Kai said. I was worried the thought of Harper maybe not being able to receive the correct support in her current school made me want to research every single one of her differences and advocate for her.
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I went back to my office to find Harper sitting on the small sofa twiddling her thumbs. "You did great today, I'm proud of you" I said trying to reassure my very clear anxious teenager. "I didn't feel like I did great but thanks" She replied. I gave her a look of sadness, I hated to see her upset and disappointed of herself. I was proud of her, I knew it was hard for her I could see her struggling throughout the test and felt bad I couldn't help.

It would take up to a week for her results to be submitted off to a diagnostic centre, but I couldn't just stop thinking about what Kai said. Harper not being able to receive the proper support in her current school made me feel like I was to blame for missing it in the first place and not even thinking about what support she would need.

Authors Note:

Will Harper get diagnosed with dyscalculia?

Does Harper need a SEN school?