My Professor

10. Mistake

Walking away from our day at the museum, I didn't have much of a plan set out in regards to how I intended to navigate the rest of the school year with the Theodore situation in my periphery.

I suppose there wasn't much to do because technically nothing had happened. There were a few moments when I could almost delude myself into thinking he was interested in me, but for all I knew he meant it in a platonic sense.
Regardless, it felt good to be back in class. I was pleased to be on such personal terms with the professor; I felt special. I felt like I was walking on air when I entered the room, and when I got settled in my seat, I prepared to sit back and enjoy another hour of Theodore's lecture.

During his lecture, our eyes caught, and I swear I could've pinched myself because he smiled. More to himself, but a student several rows up did turn to see who or what he was looking at. Thankfully, they hadn't noticed me and gave up quickly.

After class was over, I was lucky enough to still have a few questions about the lecture, so I walked down the steps toward the podium where a cluster of students were already waiting to pick Theodore's brain. I was patient, and I waited for the group to finally disperse before approaching him.

"Hi, Indigo," he greeted me warmly.

"Hey," I smiled, aware that the room was emptying quickly, with only a few stragglers left behind. "Do you have a second?" I asked. "I have a few questions about your lecture."

"Sure," he said brightly. "Let's head back to my office."

"Oh, sorry. I can come back during office hours," I said quickly.

"It's fine. Let's talk," he assured me.

I followed him down the hall, to his office, where he sat on the couch on the far side of his office, by the wide coffee table with stacks of paper set on it. I followed suit, sitting farther from the arm of the couch as I probably should've. The office door was left wide open, and the TA was sure to pop in at any moment, just like the previous time.

I didn't waste much time dwelling on Marcy; I was occupied by being so close to the professor, and by having all of his attention to myself as we discussed his lecture just inches apart on the couch.

I pulled up my notes on my iPad and showed Theodore what I'd gathered, and we had a really good discussion about content of his lecture. It was endearing to watch him talk about something he was so passionate about; He loved Chemistry, and he was good at it. He lit up when he spoke and it was clear that there was so much I could learn from him. I could've sat there all day if I could've.

"It's like, I know I can get it eventually," I said, fully drawn into the conversation, "but, sometimes..."

"Sometimes you just have to talk it out," Theodore said encouragingly.

"Yeah," I smiled warmly at him. "Exactly."

There was a comfortable lull in our conversation, and I kept looking at Theodore, studying his face. I knew I was staring, but I couldn't help myself; I couldn't stop if I tried. He was so beautiful, and so pleasing to look at, was difficult to look away.

Then, without a thought passing through my mind, I leaned in and kissed him.

His lips were soft and warm against mine as I pressed mine to his. I inhaled and breathed in his scent, savoring it.

And then it occurred to me what I'd done.

I jerked back, away from Theodore, and stared at him in horror.

He looked back at me, his expression one of blank surprise.

I opened my mouth to explain myself, apologize, anything! But, before I could get a word out, Theodore lifted his hand and cupped my cheek before pulling me back in for another kiss.

I kissed him back eagerly, elated by the validation, and by receiving far more than I could've ever asked for. I exhaled as we kissed feverishly, and, in what felt like both an eternity and no time at all, we pulled away from one another, back to our original, respectable positions.

We stared at each other for a long moment, unsure of what to say or do next.

"I...," Theodore began. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry," I sputtered in reply. "It was—"

"You're my student."

"Right." I felt as if I'd just completely blew up my spot.

"I can't do this. This was a mistake," he said, concern etched across his face as he stood. "I'm sorry."

I stood, as well. "I can go," I said, stuffing my iPad back into my book bag.

"I just—," he sputtered. "We can't—"

"I know. I'm sorry," I insisted, scrambling to find a way to fix this. "Can we...pretend this never happened?"

"Yes," Theodore exhaled, almost in relief. "If you don't mind."

Of course, I minded, but I cared more for his comfort. The last thing I wanted was to get him in trouble. "I don't mind at all. Don't worry about it," I lied.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"It's not your fault," I said, riddled with guilt. "I shouldn't have..."

"We just...we won't speak of this again."

"Yeah, I agree," I nodded. "I'm gonna go."

"Okay," he said, putting on a slight smile.

"I'm sorry," I said one more time for the road. Words could capture how bad I felt about the whole ordeal.

"It's fine, Indigo," Theodore assured me. "I'll see you in class."