From Sunrise To Sunset

Adamant 3

Cassandra

I stand in front of the mirror tracing my bottom lip slowly with my right thumb, thinking about the kiss that Nicholas and I shared. It was almost impossible for me to pull myself away from him. The feeling was so intense that for a moment I thought I might let him have his way with me and I wanted to. The truth is I want this man with every fiber of my being, and though giving in might be the easiest thing to do in most cases, it's the hardest thing for me. I feel bad about the whole thing; not giving in to him, telling him to stay away, but I don't know how not to push him away, and I don't know how to be accepting of my feelings for him.

"Cassandra," Laura calls, knocking on my room door. "Can I come in?"

I turn my gaze toward the door but don't respond. I'd rather be alone with my thoughts right now, but I know that Laura isn't going to stay away, even though she knows that her company isn't welcome.

"I'm coming in," she warns, "Hope you're decent," She opens the door and I turn my gaze back to the mirror. She stands still, looking at me for a second then sighs. "Do you wanna talk about what happened at the hotel?" She asks, sitting on my bed.

I turn to look at her. "Why didn't you tell me about Naomi?" I ask.

"There was nothing to tell...Nick broke up with her. Mrs. Charles wasn't aware of the breakup when she invited her to dinner tonight."

I bite the inside of my bottom lip, "How long were they together?"

"I don't know... they had this on-again, off-again relationship for three or four years...I think."

"That's a long time...He must have loved her...He did say that he's been in love before. "

"Oh my gosh Cassandra," She huffs and I stare at her in confusion. "How blind can you be? This man has never been in love with Naomi or anyone before for that matter. The only reason they were in a relationship this long was because she was very persistent. He was obviously talking about you when he said he'd been in love...He's in love with you, Cassandra!"

I stand in silence taking in her every word.

"You need to figure this out." She continues "I hate seeing you like this."

"Well, that makes two of us," I say, turning around to look at myself in the mirror. "Being vulnerable isn't exactly my thing."

"Not vulnerable Cassandra... sad!" She corrects me, "I hate seeing you sad!"

"I'm not sad," I respond, turning back to look at her.

"Yes, you are! I mean look at you!" She says, raising her voice and pointing her hand out toward me. "You're denying yourself the opportunity to be in love and in the process you're breaking your own heart. Stop making what mom did define your life! She's the one who left us, that's on her! You need to start living your life for yourself! If you continue to make yourself miserable because of a decision she made years ago then that's on you!"

I bite the inside of my bottom lip taking in her words as she continues to lecture me.

"The mere fact that you were jealous when you realized who Naomi was, says a lot about your feelings for Nick." She continues. "...and the fact that he went after you says how much he cares about you. Don't throw away the opportunity to be in love with..."

"I kissed him!" I blurt out.

"What?"

"I mean he kissed me and then I kissed him back," I say, sitting on my bed. "It was my first kiss."

"Wait...I'm confused...he kissed you and you kissed him back?" She studies my face for a moment. "What happened after you all kissed?"

"I pushed him away," I say under my breath.