Skz~Oneshots

💕Loving-Jilix

TW: a little(like a fucking lot) angsty in the beginning but sweet in the end<3 (if you know me, I can't write/read main characters die so I guess you guys are lucky[unless you want people to die-])  <-- I wrote that before I started writing and actually the whole chapter is sad asf so take your tissues sweeties, BUT it has a happy ending :D

ALSO, medical terms will be explained at the bottom of the chapter, so no worries :) I always read a lot of books- oneshots and there is never an explanation, so for the ones like me, i'll put it down there :D (they are underlined)

if you do have any questions though, you can always ask me :)

_______________________________

do it

do it

do it

"No... I can't." Felix muttered out, lowering the knife from his wrist as he closed his eyes and sighed. He had to go trough so much the last days, weeks and even months. So called stay started threatening him with the lasers a few months ago which actually made him scared to even show up in front of a window, scared someone was going to blind him like that. Then there were also rumors of him and Hyunjin, his best friend, that they 'did it after' or when they made eye contact that the whole fandom started making videos and rumors, of them 'creating sexual tension' while they just politely smiled at one another.

Not to mention his grandma, his only supporter in his big dreams that died just a week before he had to perform at the fanmeeting. Not to mention JYP said he had to perform no matter what, since it was already a thick week ago he lost someone so precious and didn't have to cry about it for so long.

Then those things started spreading, photos of him crying with the context 'the ashes of his granny flew away' and much much worse things, even things that he should visit is grandma and never come back since no one loved him, not even the members nor his family. 

His diets also kept following him, he couldn't eat to much because otherwise stay would call him fat and ugly, but when he didn't they called him anorexic and said he was just doing all of that for attention.

And he couldn't take it anymore, no one loved him, no one loves him and no one will love him. Ever.

He didn't think he was something the group would need, he was just someone that made mistakes, pulled them in danger and was only a burden to the members. Even the members started believing the rumors of him dating kpop idols, both female and male, fans and even sasaengs. Which was crazy because Felix would never do such a thing, yes, he had a small, very tiny crush on someone but they could never love or even like him back. They would not even love or even like him back.

So what's the point of living? What's the point of eating everyday? What's the point of taking in space that someone else could use? What's the point of walking around, ruining your body and mental health for some 'stays' that didn't even loved him? Only for his looks, or personality and sometimes, most times even just to post videos of how they are going to treat him, kidnap him and rape him. That he will make them feel good and they will make him feel good, which was the last he wanted.

But why am I whining about it? Someone said to Chan to kill himself, someone said to Changbin he was fat, someone said to Seungmin his smile was ugly, someone said to Jeongin he was no other than a burden, invisible, someone said to Minho he was cold and mean, someone said to Jisung that he needed to gain abs and workout, that he was lazy, someone said to Hyunjin he was only good for his looks and had no talent. Felix thought to himself, it was true tho. He knew it was true.

Someone even said they will use Jisungie and explained what they will do to him, use a vibrator against his private parts and make him moan loudly. They said Channie was ugly, and a bad leader.. even that they will ruin his face, and that' he's a rapist. Channie isn't a rapist... he's sweet and caring. They even said they will shoot Changbinnie... with the biggest gun. They said so many things to them... yet I am here, again being a burden. The freckled aussie was reading some threatens, hate and other things. He hated them for saying such a thing about his members.