Cheshire

Chapter 29

I couldn't hold it in anymore. The furniture goes flying into the walls and the exhaustion finally consumes me.

Cheshire's POV

Waking up this morning on the floor of my bedroom, I feel just as shitty as I did that morning waking up from the floor of Loki's old cell. I was still exhausted. Physically and emotionally, I was drained, and I definitely didn't have the brain power to deal with anyone today. Yes, I actually woke up in time for a real breakfast this morning. I didn't even wear any of my new clothes from yesterday. I just showered and put on a hoodie and leggings with my fluffy socks, similar to before.

Last night was a lot. And I know I should be freaking out, worrying about everything and trying to figure something about but honestly, right now I just want to relax. So, I go off to my favorite place in this whole tower. The library. Reading has always come so naturally. Yes, I may be smart intellectually, but I never much cared for that. My mother didn't and she was the wisest person I knew. Reading to me was like breathing. And although it didn't matter to me to be smart, I loved learning. From any genre. I just wanted to be able to talk to anyone about anything. 

My mother had more of a hobby for music. A pianist. And oh, how I envied her. She was wonderful. And she too loved every genre for what it was. But her favorite was classical. Funnily enough my favorite books end up being classics as well. It's what she grew up on and what she raised me on. I know of all of the great composers from Mozart to Salieri. I just never had that creative touch. She said I was more like my father that way. Before joining Hydra, he was a welder. How fitting of me to become a mechanic she would say. But I would always correct her. I wanted to be an inventor. Then she would assure me that one day my inventions would help save the world.

Save the world. What a concept huh? A world that has so much wrong with it. Could it ever really be saved? I don't know. But when your young, you think that any little bit helps. Something is better than nothing. I wish I still thought that way. But after my dreams were crashed, I developed new ones. Ah growth. Or was it trauma? Who knows. Either way it wasn't enough. In the end, I only see all of this ending in one of three ways.

One, Wade Dies. Two, I Die. and three...

Oh... I guess that's it. And Obviously I'm not going to let anyone die for me. It's just... I still have so much I want to do. SO much I need to do. All of those Hydra bases packed with kids just like me. Here I am complaining about how I escaped for six months only to go back again. But I got six months of freedom. Compare to some of the kids who were born in there. Who have never gotten to feel the sun on their skin.

Wade and I talked about me trying to get my diploma once. I told him it was too late. That my time would be better spent helping those other kids. He stood beside me the whole time. Now, after just coming back for me he's been kidnapped because of me. It's like, no matter how much I try, all I cause is pain and destruction. Maybe it's in my nature. When my mother compared me to my father my heart swelled with joy and admiration. Now I realize my mother was afraid of him. I understand why of course, it just makes me wonder if she would be afraid of me. Since I'm 'just like him'. A monster.

"For Odin's sake, even your thoughts are loud. Must you really be reminded of the rules of a library?"

"Jesus Loki! Where the fuck did you come from?" I jump in fright, similarly to our last meeting here.

"I've been here since you came in! I was here forty-five minutes before you were. What are you doing in here anyway? Isn't it a bit early for you? Especially after last night's workout?" Loki questions from the same spot in the bay window, this time wearing casual day clothes rather than sweats.

"You know for someone who complains about others annoyingness your awfully obnoxious yourself." His jaw drops then, and he closes his book pointing at me.