Better Than Before

Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Kelsey sat in shock, her mouth open wanting to react but the words remained stuck and unable to surface.

       "We were kids, sure. But my therapist has helped me understand that was not an acceptable reason and was just an excuse I used to justify my shitty actions rather than confront the truth."

Kelsey's body went numb. Therapist? Jake has a therapist? Her breath hitched and she unfurled her arms, her body feeling as if it was experiencing a drop on a rollercoaster.

         "Jake." She whispered, blinking rapidly.
         "-the truth being that I was a complete dickhead our entire relationship-"
         "Jake."
         "I thought I'd done the work on myself and was healing. But seeing you with my brother." He paused kissing his teeth, a dry laugh choking him up. "Well everything went out the window." He swiped his eyes with the palm of his hands, taking a deep breath. Streaks of liquid glinted on his temples from the motion.
         "I reverted back to that dickhead and I'm so, so very sorry."

   Kelsey stared on at the crumpled man before her, he was a stranger that she'd never laid eyes on before. A man willing to let his raw emotions free and she could see the pain that he was inflicting on himself with each word that left his lips. A soft silence fell between them.

         "You've been seeing a therapist?" Kelsey said quietly, careful not to let her surprise sound harsh.

          "Yeah." Jake replied, "That morning you left, something in me broke. Whether it be the realisation of my own self destruction or just the anger that consumed me. But I spiralled." He swallowed hard, this part clearly tough to talk about. Guilt welled up inside Kelsey, he was hurting. Like a wounded animal he'd lashed out. Seeing her and Sean together had ripped that wound wide open again.

           "I'm sor-"
           "Don't you dare." Jakes eyes snapped to hers, cutting her off mid apology. "You don't have a single thing to apologise for."

           "You're hurting, Jake-"
           "And it's all my own fault." He leant forward reaching for Kelsey's hand, she pulled back slightly causing him to stop. Redirecting his hand to his lap he fidgeted with the hem of his jumper, sighing deeply.

          "I hurt you, Kels. I hurt you both mentally and physically. I'm undeserving of any forgiveness."

          "Don't say that." Kelsey's voice grew strong. "I may not be able to forgive you now, but maybe one day things could even out between us."

          "Please, don't. I've wrecked my life completely, false hope is not going to help anytime soon."

  A sharp laugh left Kelsey's lips as she leant back into her chair.
           "Your past behaviour hasn't ruined your life, Jake. No need to be so dramatic." She joked, causing a genuine smile to flicker across his face.

          "Well I've just been kicked out of university so my prospects aren't looking too good." He replied, eyes wide as he recounted the reason. Kelsey's brow creased as she waited for a further explanation.

          "I owed the local dealer and he came and smashed up my digs. which caused an investigation and them to kick me out due to having drugs on the premises." Kelsey stared wide eyed, Jake shook his head and laughed to himself. "I fully spiralled one night because I thought I saw someone who looked like you on a night out."

           "Oh for fucks sake, Jake." Kelsey laughed, trying to hide her expression behind her hand.

           "No you can laugh." Jake reassured. "It's actually helpful to see you make light of the situation."
           "You're an idiot."
           "That I am."
           "So is that why you came back home?"
  Jake closed his eyes and nodded.