𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋 | 𝟏𝟖+

LXVI

Ryan

I REALIZED AFTER LAST NIGHT I WAS MORE THAN SCREWED, matter of fact screwed wasn't even the word. I was absolutely fucked. There was not another word for how things were but besides that. All of my plans of hating Giovanni failed, all of my plans to prove that things will be different this time went completely out of the window when I allowed him to kiss me.

When I kissed back and actually enjoyed it.

To make matters worse I couldn't even sleep last night, like I was some head-over-heels teenager with a crush who finally had their first kiss or something. Kissing him wasn't even the worse part, it was more embarrassing being caught like that by Marco, how was I supposed to just act like nothing happened?

Happened between us?

What does that mean for him and I?

Him and I? See no. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen, there is no him and I. What I need to do is focus on what's important. No distractions.

I need Kyle to be let go and sent back to Australia and then find a way to leave with Ameila as well. Last night meant nothing. It was nothing. Expectedly, no matter how many times I remind myself of the pain I went through these past two years, I find myself realizing I wasn't the only one in pain, I keep thinking about the pain I caused all of them, the pain I caused Giovanni.

His family went to war and I left to escape it.

"Ryan, look!" Amelia shouts pulling me out of my thoughts grabbing my attention causing me to turn and face her watching her show me the same cartwheel that she showed me a million times before.

I smile fondly, pretending as if I've never seen her do it before clapping. At least I was certain about one thing, no matter where Ameila was, she would always find happiness in the little things.

"She's amazing, isn't she?"

The unexpected voice of Luca states causing me to turn and face him, I was completely unaware that he'd even entered the backyard because I was so deep in my thoughts. I swallow hard before turning back to Ameila who did another cartwheel and answering, "She is...." I trail off.

Luca clears his throat causing me to sigh in the realization that he most likely had something he wanted to talk to me about. I turn and face him forcing a fake smile, "Is there something you want to say, Luca?" I ask him.

"Despite everyone else giving you shit for leaving the way you did, I never judged you for doing it. I mean you were put in a difficult situation, and it probably wasn't easy no matter what you chose to do, especially after knowing that Marcell was alive, and he was the one that tried to kill his ow.." I cut him feeling annoyed, letting out a heavy breath.

If this is how he felt, why didn't he at least try to say something when I brought it up at dinner? Unless he was also shocked liked everyone else was?

"Why are you telling me this?"

I was unsure why he was being so sentimental all of a sudden, knowing he and I never had that type of relationship for this at all. If anything, I was closer to Alvaro than him, I mean I haven't had a full conversation with him, like ever.

He lets out an awkward chuckle, I watch as he rubs the back of his neck before taking the time to explain himself. "Because I see how hard you are on yourself, even now. From when you first arrived, and even now watching Ameila....I bet you were probably working your ass of in Australia so you could distract yourself from the truth."

"The truth?"

"That you really didn't want to leave, despite everything that was going on, you wouldn't have left if you weren't given the chance too, you only did it because, you just knew it was safer to do so." He states and I nod listening to his thoughts of all this.