Finding Out Secrets (The Covenant Fanfiction)

Chapter 60

Trigger Warning: Going forward chapters will have references/discuss depression, death, dying, suicide, self harm, self hate, violence, bullying and other topics within those realms. Mental health is important and I want you guys to stay safe while reading. Please take care of yourself. <3

Chapter 60:

My dreams weren't pleasant ones. I was in a classroom here at school and Lillian was my professor. She turned on a projector and decided to replay every crappy moment of my life up until I was in bed. I watched my life play over and over again, reliving each moment, each feeling again and again, every night.

At first, I tried to fight her in my dreams, to make her stop this crazy torture but it was no use. She had control over my dreams and when I slept I was her toy to play with. So, I didn't sleep. I avoided sleeping longer than an hour at a time. I would have my alarm set right next to my head so that I couldn't miss it. The problem was, I couldn't avoid her when I was awake.

Illa est ortu, Illa est ortu, Illa est ortu, Illa est ortu, Illa est ortu, Illa est ortu.

The chanting had become an annoying hum that stayed with me all day. It was bad enough that Lillian was chiming in with unpleasant commentary about my life, now I had the others.

On top of that, I had normal high school life to deal with.

I stopped by a vending machine, grabbed two energy drinks and shoved them into my school bag before heading to the cafeteria to get some coffee. It had been almost a week since Pogue and I's public fight in the cafeteria but it was still the hottest gossip of the school. My peers decided they weren't going to whisper anymore but rather blatantly talk about me so that I could hear.

"Oh look, little orphan Blair is still showing her face here," Kira said as I walked past her. Some laughs followed her little quip.

"How original," I shot back over my shoulder with an eye roll. I grabbed my coffee and started to head to my first class when Kira stopped in my path, her arms across her chest.

"Why are you even still here?" she asked with a smug look on her face. "I mean your own brother doesn't want you here and mommy and daddy didn't even want you in the first place," she said in a mocking tone, making a face pouty face.

I had to shove my anger down. Lately, that was the first thing to come to me. Anger. It was a flame I could never put out. "But isn't that why you're here too?" I snapped. "Mommy and daddy sent you across the country to boarding school. Sounds like they didn't want around. I mean," I looked at her up and down. "Who can blame them? I wouldn't want to be around you."

She let out a scoff as her face turned red with anger. Some of her friends hid their snickers and there were a few audible chuckles from everyone else who were watching it.

"Yeah well...," she started, trying to think of something clever to say. "At least my parents want me. Yours just threw you away like the piece of trash you are. Honestly, it would have been better for everyone if they just drowned you or something after you were born."

There was a strong wave of "oooos" that came from everyone in the cafeteria. The flame ignited, raging inside, burning bigger and hotter. I could feel the heat radiating off my skin. It was at my finger tips, swirling, waiting to pour out of me.

"Do it, Blair. Do it!" Lillian egged on, a flash of her maniac smile appearing in my mind. "She deserves it. Let her burn. You know you want to."

I could.

It wouldn't even take a heartbeat for her to ignite.

No. That's not me.