Janet
I practically ran into the jailhouse and looked around for someone to help me. "Excuse me." I stopped a lady.
"Oh my god. You're.."
"Yes, I know. Can you please give me directions to the visitor area?"
"Oh sure. You're going to go down that hall and make a left. Security will be right there."
"Thank you." I practically ran.
"Janet, wait." Joey was behind me. "Slow down."
"I can't. I have to talk to him. I need to know why."
"I know, but you need to breathe." He stopped me as we made it to security and held my shoulders. "Deep breaths." I took slow breaths.
"Okay."
"Stay calm and no matter what, things will be fine." I nodded.
"Okay. Okay. I'm good."
"Good." I approached the security officer.
"Visiting?" He asked.
"Yes. My name should be on the visitors list." He looked through it and nodded.
"Please take everything out of your pockets and put them in this bin." Joey and I did what we said. Once we made it through the check, we sat at a table. "He'll be right out." I nodded.
The buzzer went off several times and inmates came out to talk to their families. I felt my heart pound in my chest as I waited. I heard the buzzer again and saw him come out. The officer pointed to my table. He came over slowly and sat down. "Hi, Janet."
"Hi, Joseph."
"What are you doing here?"
"Mother told me you were in here and I needed to know why."
"Don't worry about it. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, but what about you? Why are you here?" He looked down at his hands. "Joseph, what happened?" He took a deep breath.
"Your Uncle Luther is in the hospital."
"So? What does that have to do with...." I looked at him. "No. Joseph you didn't."
"I did."
"Why?"
"I tried to move on, Janet. I did. I tried to for you and I tried really hard, but I just couldn't. Everytime I thought about something to do with you or how you were hurt and how you were in pain, I kept going back to him. I wasn't even going to go near him. I was going to stay in LA, but he showed up here."
"He did?"
"Yeah. He went through this whole sob story with some fake ass sympathy for you. Talking about how sad he was for you and how he hoped you were okay. How he couldn't sleep knowing you were hurt. I just couldn't take it."
"Joseph."
"No, your mother already tried to scold me but I have no guilt and I don't feel bad. I never will."
"But.."
"No buts. That man looked me in my face and denied what he did, then turned around and said it happened only because you wanted it." My heart dropped.
"What?" My voice shook.
"Yeah. He said that you, at seven years old, seduced him and then tried to use what you've done in your adulthood as examples. Then had the nerve to blame me and your mother for why he did it. He took no accountability at all and I blacked out. When I came to, he was on the floor unconscious and the stick from the fireplace was in my hand. He, of course, pressed charges."
"Well, what are you going to do?"
"I have a trial date and I'm going to tell the truth. I wanted to kill him because he raped my daughter."
"But you'll go to prison."
"And that doesn't matter, no one hurts my babies."
Although it was a bad situation, hearing him speak this way about us made me feel good. I never thought he saw us that way but him being willing to go to prison over me healed something inside of me.
"And you've made up your mind?"
"Yep. If prison is my consequence, then so be it." I grabbed his hands.
"You know, as sad as it is, I am happy to know you truly love and care for me."
"Of course I do. I didn't go about right but I only wanted the best for you. I mean that." He put his hand on top of mine. "I hope one day you can forgive me for the pain I caused you, none of you deserved that and I regret not showing you more love. I truly apologize." I felt something in me break and tears fell. "I'm so proud of you and the woman you've grown into despite all the things you faced. Even if it's from here, I will try to improve my behavior towards you and if not in this life, then in the next. I'll always be here for you."
"You will?"
"Of course. I'm your dad....and you're my baby girl. I love you more than anything." I cried harder. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear him say these things to me.
"I love you too." He came around and hugged me.
"No touching!" The officer yelled out. Joseph looked at him and the officer stayed back. He pulled me into him and held me. My head rested against his chest and I felt so many things lift off of me.
"You're a strong woman, Janet and you have a lot of fight in you. You got that from me, but don't let that fighting push away the ones you love the most." I nodded. He pulled away and held the side of my face. "But when it's time to fight, fight with everything in you and don't let anyone stop you. You're stronger than you realize. All these things that have happened to you may seem like they're bigger and stronger but it's not. Don't give up, okay?"
"I won't."
"Good."
"Times up, Jackson!" The officer made his way over.
"I'll let you know when everything is happening."
"Okay." He kissed my forehead.
"I'll see you later. I love you."
"I love you too." The officer took him away. I sat for a little while and let everything sink in. It's amazing how you don't realize what you truly need until you get it. I felt like nothing could stop me and nothing would.
Getting up, Joey and I left the building. When we got in the car, I stayed silent the whole ride back to the house. I didn't know what to think or what to say. It's a good thing Eissa and Denzel were off having quality time because I needed a minute to gather my thoughts.
Laying in the bed, I just laid there and stared at the wall. I didn't know what to do. For some reason, my brain was having a hard time processing this. Maybe because I never expected to get it. Who knows. All I knew was, I had it. But now what do I do with it?
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