Denzel
I stood at the stove making some breakfast. Janet once again has slept for over twelve hours. It was now almost ten in the morning and she slept the whole time. I wanted to wake her for dinner but I knew she needed it. She was sleeping so soundly when I went in to check on her. Her cute little snores and her messy hair just made my heart grow for her.
Instead of making a plate, I put her food in a container like I did with her dinner. I knew when she woke up this time, she'd be starving. She practically ate the food from yesterday in one bite. I chuckled to myself thinking about it. Everything about her was adorable. Even the way she ate with her little nose scrunched up when she really liked something and the way her eyes fluttered when she drank something fruity. It was all so beautiful.
I finished packing up her food and making a plate for me before I made Eissa one of his bottles. He had woken up a couple hours ago and just like yesterday, he was very cheerful and happy. I know for a fact that he and Janet are connected because he practically slept as long as she did. He only woke up to eat and get his diaper changed then he was right back to sleep. At one point, they were both lying on their backs in the same position and were making the same faces. It was so cute.
I finished making him his bottle when I heard Janet call me. "Denzy!" How can someone yell and be silent at the same time? Too funny. I went up to the room and saw her sitting up in the bed. Once again her hair was all over her head and face and once again, it was adorable.
"Yes, baby?"
"What time is it?"
"It's almost ten in the morning." She rubbed her head and laughed.
"Wow. I feel so bad. I'm sleeping all the time away."
"It's fine." She laughed again.
"Aww, it's my little prince awake?" She smiled and I handed him to her with the bottle. "Hi, my little prince. Did you sleep well?" He cooed at her. "Yeah, mommy slept well too." She bounced him in her arms.
"Are you hungry, little prince?" He let out a tiny baby squeal causing us both to laugh. She gave him his bottle and he looked up at her. She looked at him and hummed quietly to him. I watched as she rocked him. It was so natural to him. She was obviously fit to be a mom. I wish we could have a child together. She's the perfect woman I want to raise a family with.
"You guys are so cute." She looked at me and smiled.
"He's so precious. I missed him so much."
"He definitely missed you too."
"Did anything major happen with him while I was gone?"
"Not really. I think he was waiting until his favorite person got back." She smiled more.
"Did you wait for me?" He looked up at her and his little hand rose then landed on hers. This is stuff to make you cry. The longer she looked at him, the more I saw her eyes water.
"What's wrong?" She sniffled.
"I could've died. I could've missed out on a whole life with my little blessing here. He could've been at the mercy of that deranged man and it would've been all my fault because I couldn't stay away." Tears fell from her eyes. I grabbed some tissue and wiped her face. Eissa had finished his bottle and she put it down. She held him close to her chest and cried. "I'm so sorry, baby. Mommy is so sorry. I should've done better for you." She wrapped him completely in her arms and held his head.
"Janet.."
"I'm such a bad mother. I should've given you a better father. What was I thinking?"
"Janet..." I took Eissa from her and laid him down before pulling her into my arms. She cried into my chest.
"I'm so stupid. I endangered my son, I left him alone, I went off with that deranged man. Why? Why would I do that?" I felt my shirt get wet from her tears.
"It's okay." I rubbed her back.
"I hate him. I hate him so much."
"I know. I know." She just cried and cried. I didn't expect her emotions to come out this way but how does one express the feelings of being abused? It's not like there's an exact way. "Breathe, baby." She cried so hard that I felt her whole body start to shake. Her cries started to sound like screams of pain and anger. They were muffled by my chest but I could still hear them.
"Baby, you have to breathe. You're going to make yourself sick." She slowly took deep breaths and looked up at me. "Good." I dried her face.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." I threw the tissue away and held her. "Baby, I'm going to need you to talk about this. It doesn't have to be with me but it has to be with someone. This isn't healthy. I need you to work through this."
"I don't want to talk to some random person."
"Therapists have an oath."
"Yeah, sure. A lot of people talked to the tabloids with an oath and NDA. Trust me."
"Fine. Who do you feel the most comfortable around?" She rubbed her face.
"You, mother, Rebbie...and Toya."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I mean, no one else I know has been through this. If I could talk to anyone, it would be her."
"Then that's what you need to do."
"But I can't talk to Toy. I was so mean to her when she came to me and told me she was being abused. Maybe this was my karma."
"No, don't do that. His actions are not and will not ever be on you. I don't ever want to hear that again."
"Okay. I'm sorry."
"It's alright. Just don't put that on yourself again. I mean it."
"It won't."
"Now. I want you to go and talk with LaToya. Let her be the big sister she obviously strives to be. She'd do anything for you. Do you know there's like three rooms set up in her house for you and Eissa?"
"Really?"
"Yes. She has a bedroom for you, a bedroom for him and then a little sitting area set up like a living room and everything."
"I didn't know that."
"Apparently, she's had that set up since she found out you were pregnant. Just in case you needed a place to go." She looked down at her fingers.
"Wow."
"Talk to her, Jan. You'd be surprised how she could help you." She was quiet for a little bit.
"I'll talk to her."
"Good. Now, how about we pull this hair back....." I grabbed her scrunchie and put her hair in a ponytail. "......and let's go have some breakfast." She smiled.
"Okay." She picked up Eissa and we went downstairs. She, of course, sat on the couch while I got her food. I gave it to her and we ate. Well, I ate, she devoured.
When she finished, I took everything in the kitchen and came back. She snuggled up against me as I turned on something to watch. I wrapped my arm around her as she laid in my chest. I could stay like this forever.
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