Limits |Noah Sebastian/ Bad Omens|

35: Are we good?

Authors note: 32K reads! You guys, I truly am blown away. The next chapter will be the end of ACT one for this book before the 'sequel'/ act two begins. Please remember this book is going to be long and I will be posting updated trigger warnings before act two begins.


Finally the time where I could start doing things myself once more. I wish I could say I was feeling great, but truthfully I was taking a huge hit mentally as my ex was still texting me. I had told him to leave me alone after one very angry phone call at three in the morning, he instead kept going knowing it would push my buttons. My anxiety was there, and distancing myself from the others was what I was doing—they were getting ready to go on a tour that was small, something easy to do and so they could feel like they did more. Both Jamie and I were invited along, which we both accepted since it would be good for my work and her podcast, the first was going to be some festivals so we had interviews already lined up for that.
My mother enrolled me in therapy, she was the only one to seem to notice my distance and blamed it on the car accident, not that she knew about my ex to begin with.
Sending off a final email with a video I had edited for someone, I closed off the email to check my phone, of course my ex was texting which had me annoyed—it would be easy to block him, but he had a new number every week it was so hard to just be rid of him fully. And he knew ways to make me feel bad, it was like a parasite that would just keep crawling back in.

Ray: I miss you. I miss us. Please call me.

Noah had no idea about these texts, when I was with Noah I would leave my phone in my office or on my bedside table he wouldn't question me which made me feel slightly better.

Singing into my zoom, the meeting with the therapist was going to begin as I closed my office door locking it to make sure no one would just walk in. No one but my mother knew about the therapy and part of me wanted to keep it that way. It would make me feel more broken if others knew if Noah knew.

"Good afternoon Faith how are you?" my therapist smiled through the camera in her office.

Studying her office enough over the few sessions we have had, I know she was married to her partner of eight years, they shared a two-year-old son together and she kept her office tidy. "Hi" I said sitting back in the seat at my desk.

"Not wanting to get into too much or are we ready to open more today?" she asked getting her notepad ready to note down how this session goes for us.

Chewing my bottom lip between my teeth, I tapped my finger on the desk. It was hard to even open to her, she would ask me questions and I felt like it was basic replies I would give her. "I'm fine" I lied once more, like I had every week since starting.

Her smile lines showed as she gave me a look which told me she knew better; this was her job to know when things weren't fine. "Faith, you know this is a safe space to talk, whatever is going on in your life wouldn't leave the walls of this office" she reminded me for what felt like the hundredth time.

"My sleep is better. I spent my first night without Noah" a change if subject had her nodding, knowing I wasn't going to bring up the ex. She had asked me about him before, and she knew something was wrong but didn't know what was wrong.

"That's good! Did you make it through the night or are we still waking up from the nightmares?" the crash was something I told her about, granted I was advised to get into therapy as the event was shocking enough for someone.

"Woke up once with the dream, but that's better than waking up every hour because of it" I said looking at her as she noted down the dreams. "It felt weird not having Noah beside me for the night" the last little bit I would sleep in Noah's room but once I was healed and got the okay from my doctor I was spending my nights between his room and my own, last night was the first time I slept without Noah in my own bed.

My therapist nodded her head. "That's an improvement, have you thought about the medication I suggested?" she would offer me anxiety medication, something to help calm my nerves but as always, I would turn it down feeling like I could power through this hell on my own.

"No, and I don't think I will" my voice was more flat, wincing at my tongue I knew she saw it.

"So, if you aren't ready for medication, you are sleeping on your own with minimal nightmares are we ready to finally crack open what really bothers you?" she asked folding her hands in front of her.

Opening my mouth, I closed it once I heard my door handle jingle—no ones ever tried to come in my office during these before. Looking at her, I shook my head "sorry got to go!"

"Faith—"

"I'll book another appointment, I swear" I didn't give her the chance as I clicked end call and headed to the door unlocking it and swinging it open seeing Noah standing there with confusion on his face. His face had stubble on it as he grew out some facial hair and he had cut his hair shorter which was cute on him.

His eyes met mine as he furrowed his brows. "Your door was locked, everything okay?" he questioned as he entered the office with a drink in hand placing it down on the desk for me.

Nodding my head, I took a seat on the sofa in the office, Noah sitting down beside me—it was the first time I seen him today, and it felt nice to see him even if the timing wasn't the best. "Yeah, sorry was just on a call with work" I lied looking at the cup he was now handing over to me. "What's this?"

"That is a coffee, thought I would visit before we headed to band practice. Are you all packed for next week?" the tour started next week.

Sucking on my cheek, I shook my head. "No, I been pretty busy with work. . . I'll start getting my list together tonight and maybe head out shopping tomorrow. Are you finally going to tell us who is opening for you guys?" Noah hadn't even told us.

"Some new band that's been pretty cool, we met with the guys from the band a few times and they're awesome it's going to be such a fun tour together, you're going to love it" he leaned in to kiss me when I leaned away a bit, "are you ever going to kiss me again?" ever since he said he loved me it was the happiest time of my life but the weight of this anxiety would swallow me whole and it was hard, he knew only with what I let on.

"Maybe" I joked looking at him with a soft smile trying to diffuse his annoyance, he and I have gotten into an argument a few times over small things but never blew up on one another. "Maybe the longing and desperation looks cute and when it does happen maybe it means you are going to get the best sex of your life."

Clearing of throat had us both looking up, my face burning in embarrassment as Nick stood there drum sticks in hand. "I didn't need to hear that at all" he scratched the back of his head, "Jolly is ready to head out man, we will meet you in the car. . . And next time, maybe sure the door is closed before saying that" he gave us a disgusted look before heading out.

Laughing, I patted Noah's leg as I leaned in to kiss his cheek, he knew I was still in love with him, and it was small gestures like that which kept him going. "Go, have fun and don't blow out your voice" I smiled as he rose to his feet.

"One more week, and then we get to tour together. We can call it the lovers tour" he winked as he headed to the door tapping his fingers on the frame as he looked at me, "are we good?"

Knowing what he meant, my heart sank further. "Yeah, of course. We're good" he nodded as he headed out to his friends.
We were good, but I wasn't.