𝐻𝐸𝑅 // 𝐵𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐿𝐼𝑆𝐻 𝐹𝐴𝑁𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁

HER : 43

emery

i feel ashamed of myself, i hate that i have to rely on jen's family for a place to stay. weirdly i feel like i'm the best mentally since a long time. not because of billie no longer being in the picture. despite our last days being miserable, she was still so good to me. she helped me through so much, i could never hate her, i'll always love her. she's my first love, how could i not?

i just think that i've been sad enough, i've let it all out, yes i cry some days when i realize i have to change my plans in the future, because i unknowingly altered it in hopes of us making it. now i'm not sure if i want to come back to cali when it's time for the holidays and breaks. i'll probably just take summer classes too.

i don't want to keep sulking on the bad things that happened to me in the past few months. i will acknowledge them and i will allow myself to heal healthily somehow, and i will focus on my collage work and my future career. that's what matters to me.

i'm going to be okay, and i'm confident for once when i say that. i'm just gonna go with the flow, i believe that the universe has a plan for me. i'm not going to judge the way it works, i'm going to trust it.

"ready?" jen knocked on the door.

"yeah." i smiled.

"you nervous?" she linked our arms together as we walked towards the front door.

"i don't know, this is so weird." i shrugged with a giggle.

"it's just for fun, to get you out of your shell with a familiar face with you, you gotta have people with you in boston." she said.

"i know and i'm open to it, i'm not against it. i'm just saying that i can't really control the way i interact with people i don't really know. it really depends on how every person's personality and aura?" i said as i opened the drivers door. jen is banned from driving me anywhere for two weeks. she almost crashed into another car the other day, i wasn't in the car but still she's on time out.

"you'll be fine, just don't replace me." she joked with a glare.

"i could never." i shook my head. "i already picked out our houses in the suburbs when we both get married to twins."

"omg imagine." she laughed way too hard. "we don't even have the same type."

"they can be feternal twins." i shrugged.

"do you see yourself settling with a man?" she asked.

"at this point i don't see myself settling with anyone but a cat and dog." i chuckled. "but i don't think so, am i attracted to them? yes. and if i like someone i wouldn't stop it or something like that. just right now settling with a man sounds ew."

"yeah i get that." she nodded. "they are yucky."

"then switch teams." i smirked, cause she hates when i say that.

"i love girls, just not like that." she rolled her eyes.

"i know and i was about to say it's time for you to let someone in too, but then realized college is just getting started. so don't do shit, get settled first." i said.

"i just told you boys are yucky and you want me to get a boyfriend?" she batted her lashes.

"chill i took back what i said." i chuckled. "but back to this thing, how am i supposed interact with these people?"

"i don't know em, we'll see how it'll go." she shrugged.

"who organized this again?"

"i don't know." she shrugged again.