𝐻𝐸𝑅 // 𝐵𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐿𝐼𝑆𝐻 𝐹𝐴𝑁𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁

HER : 21

emery

i can't seem to step foot into my own house. sure i have the tendency to act as if i don't really care that my parents think i'm a burden on their chests, but i do. i care a lot about what my mom thinks of me.

despite every bad thing she has done, every not so nice thing she said to me, i still love her and i still seek her attention and i still long for her affection. her doing nice things every once in a while gives me hope that things might finally change, but every time i feel like a fool for even thinking that. she's been like that since i've been an infant, she makes me feel stupid.

i haven't met anyone that understood me like that. sure a lot validate my feels and i've met some that absolutely hate their mother and have cut them off. but i haven't met one soul that loved her no matter what and how many horrible things she has done.

it makes me feel lonely somehow. i think we're all alone in a way that no one understands, because no matter how hard you try to put your feelings and your thoughts into letters and make up sentences, the words never do you justice. there aren't enough words in the dictionary that aid me to seek the people i want to get to the most.

but today i'm at my home, the home i'm terrified to loose. i've been laying on top of her fully, hoping that way she won't run away from me. i examine her room with my eyes, as i listen to her heart beat. she brushes through my hair with her fingers, careful not to tug on it when a tangle gets in her way.

weekends are my favorite, i get to stay with her for as long as she wants me to be with her. "is that?" i lifted my head when i spotted the love of my life. "you have the whole shatter me series?"

"oh yeah i started reading it." she nodded, i saw that unravel me is missing from the stack of books. "i'm on the second book."

"tell me about it! why did you say you were reading it?" i held her shatter me copy and saw that she annotated a little bit by only putting one colored tabs on some pages.

"i only started three days ago." she explained.

"ooh alright." she's a fairly fast reader, i love that. "tell me what are your thoughts." i may or may not slit her throat if she admits that she doesn't like it.

"okay so i saw a lot of tiktoks about it and a lot of people say that the first book is the worst and it gets better from then on, but i honestly loved the first book. also i've been warned not to fall for adam, which he is sweet yeah, but honestly i think warner is onto something." she said.

"yes! you're just like me!" i empathized e in me. "i was a warner girly from the first book!"

"okay good cause he's got me questioning my sexuality i was starting to think i got it all wrong." she sighed a sigh of relief.

"honestly i don't blame you, wait till you get to ignite me." i smiled. "and i think you'll like the seven husbands of evelyn hugo even more."

"look i could stand one fictional husband, but seven i don't think so." she shook her head.

"trust me and read it, i could even lend you my copy which says a lot about how much i like you." i walked back to the bed and laid on my stomach. "i might let you sign a waiver though."

"isn't that a little excessive?" she laughed.

"no it's not, i'm serious about my books." i shook my head.

"okay then, let me finish this series and then we'll talk about evelyn." she concluded.

"i'm so excited!" i squealed. "i don't have many people i can talk to about books, this is a literal dream."