𝐻𝐸𝑅 // 𝐵𝐼𝐿𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝐸𝐼𝐿𝐼𝑆𝐻 𝐹𝐴𝑁𝐹𝐼𝐶𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁

HER : 35

billie

"hey billie?" she called out.

"yeah?"

"what's the least thing you like about me?" she asked.

for some context: she's been staring at herself in the mirror for a while now. she did not like what she was looking at. i only stole a couple glances at her, i didn't want her thinking i was blank staring. i'm trying to give her some privacy too after all.

"what?" i chuckled.

"i'm serious." she blinked, a small smile creeping up on her lips.

"okay, i'll tell you what i hate about you." her face fell. i didn't say 'not like' i went to another level 'hate'.

"okay what do you hate about me?" she asked.

"what i hate most about you is the way you see yourself. you find beauty in the simplest of things, like a fallen leaf on the side of the road in augest but you can't see how beautiful you are. you don't see the fireworks in your eyes when you talk about your favorite books, you don't see the way your smile paints your face and brightens up everyone around you. i just wish that you could see you the way i see you, i wish you could see yourself the way people see you, i wish you saw beauty in yourself the same way you find beauty in others. i wish you would stop looking in the mirror and hating what you see because you're perfect and you're beautiful just the way you are. you're so very beautiful." i stressed it, with my loud and certain voice.

"i just— i've been feeling so ugly." she took a deep breath, trying not to shed and tears welling up in her eyes. i quickly i made my way towards her and sat on my knees, in front of her. "the bags under my eyes, my skin, the hair i grow everywhere, how heavy i am— i can't stand looking at myself in the mirror." tears successfully fell down her cheeks and she looked down at her hands.

"hey look at me." i cupped her jaw and raised her head, then proceeded to wipe her tears. "you are so very beautiful and some day you will see that too, but for today how about we make you feel good? yeah? let's just take a shower and i'll blow dry your hair while you do your makeup and maybe we can do our iconic 'pick the other's outfit' and maybe if you're feeling like it, we'll go out. just the both of us together, somewhere quiet."

"okay." she hiccuped.

"come here." i placed one hand on the back of her head and the other on her shoulder and pulled her closer to me. she rested her head on my chest as she wept and i held her tight, we just stayed like that for a little while.

later, em got up to take her shower and i started looking for something she could wear. just like i promised, when she got out i blow dried her hair and styled it the best i could as she put on a light look of makeup.

she talked more than we've talked in the whole past weeks combined. i smiled through every second of it, she cracked jokes and i cracked jokes, we laughed together, gossiped a little, talked about harvard... i was aware that today was a good day and tomorrow will most probably not be like this.

i could feel the heaviness of that thought on my chest but i tried my best to ignore it. i ignored it and i stayed in the moment with her, i soaked up everything i could. i made it into a challenge with my self, how many times can i get her to laugh. a chuckle doesn't count. a smile doesn't count. a full blown laugh is the only way to go.

i finished up her hair and kissed the top of her head which made me leave a trail of kisses leading to her lips. she giggled the whole time and i just wanted to ingulf her and hold her in a little chest in my heart. "i love you." i said, our noses touching, me cupping cheeks.