Doomed "to live"

Chapter 31 (The last dance)

I stood there alone watching how gracefully the couples were dancing. It was so beautiful and mesmerising, that I felt slightly jealous, like they found their happiness and I didn't... It wasn't fair. Why can't life bring me happiness..? If only it was that easy to just forget about my sad irony of life...
I wish there weren't so many guests here, I hate the attention and the atmosphere of this place, it makes me feel so small and weak. If only there was a way to escape.
My heart wanted to dance, but I couldn't give into Eliot's schemes. He's two faced and that's clear to see, because nobody has ever been able to fool me. If I could, I would give everything away just to feel freedom beneath my bear feet again. With a heavy heart I sigh, remembering the past times, my love, my life... It wasn't great, in fact most of the time I was alone, even if I had coworkers,  I never had someone who could truly understand and feel comfortable around me. I feel like I've lost my true light... Maybe I don't even have a purpose to live in this world anymore either, I mean what's the point, if the only thing that always awaits me is pain, sorrow and grief..?
I snapped out of my intrusive thoughts and noticed that the colour of the ballroom had changed. Light projectors  were slowly illuminating the hall in cool colours. The colours of autumn changed from being warm and vibrant to becoming enigmatic and blue, reminiscent of winter dreams. It was so lovely that I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It was so mesmerising. I've never enjoyed parties, or let alone this one. But this... It hits me hard knowing that I spent most of my miserable lifetime working and never truly enjoying life. I don't belong here, and I don't need Veronica to tell me that—it just doesn't feel right. All I want is for Eliot to open up his eyes and understand just how big of a mistake he's making! I will never be able to see the outside world again, and my life will be ruined. Everything has come to an end. If Benedict was here, perhaps he would tell me sorry and we could move on from all that happened. Perhaps even make a joke out of it? Benedict is the person I would rather be stuck with than Eliot. Does this imply that I still feel something for him...? No, that's not true; I can't always be too overly kind. If I've had learnt how to say NO to people when I was younger, I would've never gotten myself into this absurd situation. My thoughts drifted away as I looked around the ballroom. It was so enormous that I felt very uncomfortable and tiny amongst the tall walls and crystal ceilings. It all felt like something out of a fairy tale. I looked around cautiously, trying to find an exit. But no matter how hard I tried, there were too many people blocking my view. I think my height might be the problem. Knowing that I'm shorter than an average adult makes me feel like a child most of the time. People mock and make fun of me because of it. The worst part of it all is that I don't really know why. Maybe because they're jealous? But why? Why would anyone want to be me, even I hate the real me, that's probably why I'm a freak.
Suddenly one of my favorite French songs came on: 'Tourner Dans Le Vide.' I knew the words by heart, and felt like Indila. An unfortunate girl who has to say goodbye to her sad past life, forget her memories about a boy she loved. Strangely Indila is forced to marry a twisted, selfish, rich man to please everyone else except herself... She's lost, just like me and her situation is similar to mine. Is this DejaVu or am I just a hopeless romantic like you?
I didn't even realize that Eliot was standing behind me all this time and probably listening to everything I had thought. Did he really just read my mind again...? I frowned looking at him:

-Don't worry, sweetheart, the music is way too loud for me to read your mind... - he said smiling and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. It was so sudden and unexpected that I didn't even know how to react. I felt defeated knowing that the only thing I could do was rest my fragile head on his shoulder. I had to keep the show going, no one could get suspicious of us. NO ONE. I'm scared to think what would he do to me if I didn't listen to his strict orders. I was so worn out and exhausted from staying up late last night, that I didn't even notice how we became the centre of attention. People were admiring Eliot's posture and my beauty, it was weird to be called "gorgeous" by complete strangers. I wasn't used to it. It all felt so unreal and forced that I couldn't help but fake smile at their compliments. I was helpless and stuck, with nothing to do but cry inside. I had no other choice but play along.
Then he finally lead me to a more quiet place. Eliot looked at me with worry in his deep sky, blue eyes. I didn't expect him to do that. It was strange to see an empathetic, caring and loving side of Eliot. I took out a deep breath, feeling relieved that people weren't constantly staring at us. For the first time I smiled. Eliot seemed surprised to see me happy. I've got to admit that even I was shocked by my actions.
He placed his arm around my waist as we slowly swayed to the rhythm of the song, then Eliot asked shyly as if embarrassed: