The Unspoken Diary of a Namibian Girl

Part 47

Dear Diary,

Today, I woke up with a mind made up. I had my courage built to finally tell Mark how I feel about him. It took weeks of contemplating to realize that I needed to let someone in. It took a lot of prayers too. But when the moment arrived, I ruined it completely.

I will tell you but please, don't judge me because Sara and Melanie have already done it.

Right, so we were sitting in the park, surrounded by the gentle rustling of leaves and the soft rays of the setting sun. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, ready to take the leap of faith. However, as soon as I opened my mouth, embarrassment washed over me like a tidal wave.

Mark kept talking animatedly about his passion to leave the country and pursue further studies. The more he spoke, the more I realized that my timing couldn't have been worse. I felt like a fool for even considering sharing my feelings at such a crucial moment in his life. Or was he doing it on purpose? To test my determination?

Throughout our conversation, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had kept him waiting for too long. Maybe he had moved on, or perhaps he no longer saw a future with me. The weight of my failure settled heavily on my shoulders. I admit I kept Mark waiting for so long. Perhaps he got tired and our friendship healed him from the burden of waiting for a girl who doesn't seem to even give him any hope.

I walked away from the park feeling disappointed in myself. I had let fear and self-doubt consume me, preventing me from taking a chance on love. I questioned whether I would ever have the courage to try again. It seemed like I had lost my opportunity, and I couldn't help but blame myself for it.

But as the night wore on, a moment of realization struck me. I had let my fear of rejection overshadow the possibility of happiness. I couldn't let one failed attempt define my future. Life is too short to live in regret and what-ifs.

So, dear Diary, I guess this is it, right?

Yours sincerely,

Iyaloo