Silver Lining / PJM

22. Lifeless

"I've always wanted to be gone, even when I was younger. Losing my family and being adopted wasn't easy, then being different was even harder. I hid behind a mask for so long and kept my life a secret, that it took so much courage to finally open up. Then I lost my adopted mother, finding out the man I was in love with killed her. Finding out I'm like this, finding out I have nobody around to support me. I'm lost, I'm broken and I don't want anyone else to fix me. I just want to cease to ..."

I quietly sobbed into my hands as a rush of adrenaline filled the skin on my face and neck, goosebumps lined my arms and legs as I tried to inhale slowly to calm myself down.

"Exist right?" She asked quietly, rubbing her hand gently on my knee.

"Right."

She nodded and broke contact, rising up in her feet again as she smoothed the front of the fabric down her legs. "Come with me, I'd like to show you something."

She started to float away into darkness as I scrambled to my feet and followed behind her. The further we walked, the void became speckled with silver light, like little granules of stars that flickered around us. She abruptly stopped as the specks danced around our skin without making contact. "Close your eyes sweet girl." She said as I obeyed. And within seconds a rush of sounds and pressure hit my face and body as if I was about to be shot out a catapult. A rush of light and wind whipped my hair around and almost threw me back and then suddenly everything stilled.

"You can open them now."

I slowly opened my eyes as I was met with a familiar place. My childhood home. Standing on the sidewalk and looking at the front door, it appeared empty and dark now, no sign of life and the happy energy was stripped out of it. Abandoned, with a broken for sale sign beside it.

"Why are we at my old house? I don't remember much from living here. This was before I was taken." I said as my nausea was strengthening.

"I know, I want to show you something anyways."

She pushed past me and headed into the house through the front door, I casually followed behind her, feeling my feet become heavy as the air around us thinned to a cold frost.

Walking inside made me feel like I wanted to climb into my own skin, the eerie emptiness and negative energy was thick causing my throat to close. "It's heavy in here." I mumbled as I traced my hand along the cream coloured peeling wallpaper. "Very, your parents were killed here. Do you remember?"

"No."

'Well not really'

The electric vibration of spirit was flooding the walls with energy and shooting into my fingers and up through to my arm. My breath hitched as something dark caught my eye to the right. "What- what was that? I just saw something."

"Shadow people, they're very common in abandoned spaces. Pay them no mind, they will blow through as fast as they come. I want you to head upstairs with me." Araya said as she shot me a calm smile and floated up the steps.

I followed her as the wood creaked beneath my feet, every step I took flashes of light hit my mind as if I was trying to recover old memories. I stopped and shook my head, trying to make sense of what was trying to come to light but it stopped. I got to the top of the staircase and looked down the empty dark hall. The light grey stone walls had imprints of where our family portraits once hung, I reached my finger out to trace the dark lines that remained from the frames and shuddered. The air still felt heavy and my mind began to spin, nausea hitting my stomach again and again, as I heard Araya's voice from a room at the end of the hall. "Keep going."

I nodded as I continued to the room with the half open door ahead. I pressed the door open slowly with my palm and saw the familiar space.

My childhood room.