Sanscest One-shots (Part 2)

This is a Joke, Right?

(Little crack chapter I've been working on to help with my writer's block. It's fun)

"What?" Nightmare repeated, still not believing what he heard.

"You heard me. You want the Multiverse; fine, it's yours," Ink replied. He made a hand motion for Dream and Blue to follow him.

They didn't move, clearly they were just as shocked as everyone else.

"But..but... he can't do that," Blue protested, looking between Ink, Nightmare, and Dream. "Can he?"

"Technically, he can," Dream clarified. The positive guardian was not happy about this course of events, but without direct orders from Fate or Destiny there wasn't anything anyone could do.

"I can and I did," Ink said. "Dream, Blue, come on."

The other Stars followed their leader in confused silence as the group left.

"Di-did we just win?," Dust asked.

"I have no idea what just happened," Killer said.

"I think it's a joke," Cross theorized. "He's gonna come back here and hit Nightmare over the head with his stupid paintbrush any minute now."

Horror nodded in agreement with Cross's assessment.

Hours passed as they waited for something to happen. Nothing happened. Eventually, the waiting grew tiring and they returned to the castle.

Meanwhile, back in Underswap, the Star Sanses were having their own dilemma.

"He has a plan, right?," Blue asked. "Please tell me there's a plan"

"Of course there's a plan," Dream reassured him. He turned to Ink. "Please tell me there's a plan"

The artist shrugged. "I don't have a plan"

This caused Dream to grab Blue by the sides of his shoulder and shake him. "Ink you have to do something, Blue is freaking out!"

Blue gently removed Dream's hands and gave one a reassuring double pat.

Ink just smiled. "Have I ever steered you wrong?"

"You got me stuck in the Anti-Void for a week," Blue said.

"You convinced me to drink one of your negative feeling vials and I got really sick from it," Dream said.

"Ok, but recently?," the artist clarified

"You almost burned down Sci's lab yesterday," Dream reminded him.

"Some of the AUs nearly fell apart because you forgot to do maintenance," Blue offered.

"Besides that?"

"Umm... no?," Blue and Dream answered in unison.

"Exactly, so just trust me," Ink said. It did not inspire confidence.

The next day at the Bad Sanses base, Nightmare was awoken by the sound of pounding on his door.

"Nightmare, open the fucking door!" Error yelled over the knocking.

Rolling over and getting up, Night answered the door for his very rude guest. He yawned. "What do you want?"

A very bright phone screen was shoved in his face. "Explain."

The screen showed a text from Ink (presumably Ink as the contact was listed as 'Fuckin Squid') saying 'nightmare is in charge of the multiverse now :)' What is the smiley face even supposed to mean?

"Yesterday, when we were fighting, I asked Ink to give me control of the Multiverse, and he just agreed. I don't know what he's planning."

"Have you ever considered that he's just that stupid?," Error said.

"Please, this is clearly some kind of trick. There's no way Fate would let anyone that dumb run the Multiverse." Nightmare was sure of that, unfortunately, that belief was very misguided.

Error threw up his hands. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

It had been a few days, and Nightmare was getting increasingly paranoid. That ended up with his group peering through the front windows of Blue's house in broad daylight. Ink, Dream, and Blue were sitting on the living room floor, and Ink waved at them.

"What are they doing?," Nightmare wondered aloud.

"I think they're playing Monopoly," Killer answered.

Horror kicked the front door open. "What are you doing?" He shouted.

"We're playing Monopoly," Blue yelled back. He wasn't as concerned now as the first time they had an audience.

"They're playing Monopoly," Horror helpfully informed the group.

This went on for another week before Nightmare couldn't take it anymore. He yanked Error's phone from his hand and called Ink.

"Hiya, Glitchbutt," the creator answered.

"This is Nightmare, and you better come to Outertale right now, you insufferable bitch."

A portal sound came through the phone and Ink walked through a portal right in front of him. "Ok, I'm here," he said, still through the phone.

Nightmare hung up the call, only to have the phone ringing again. "What?!" He answered angrily.

"You hung up on me," Ink said.

"I did that on purpose. We are standing ten feet apart." Night was absolutely seething.

"You didn't say 'bye'," the artist pointed out flatly.

"I'm hanging up now, goodbye."

"Goodbye."

The negative guardian hung up the call and shoved the phone back at Error. Finally looking at Ink, he realized something he should have known over a week ago. Ink's eyelights had turned back into small white dots and his sash was nowhere to be found. That was why Nightmare could feel anything from him, not that he would over his own frustration. He grabbed the artist by the shoulders.

"Where are your vials?!" Nightmare yelled in his face.

Ink shrugged.

"How do you not know?!"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

The negative guardian drew in a sharp breath, attempting to calm himself because clearly this wasn't working. He was going to figure out where the vials went. He would get this stupid fucking bitch to drink them and then he could enjoy this damn victory without Ink taking all of the enjoyment out of it.

After a long day of finding absolutely no clues, Nightmare was ready to retire to bed when there a loud clattering in the kitchen. Throwing the light switch on, he held his tentacles menacingly, only to find Ink digging through the freezer, eating a still solid waffle.

"Why are you here?," Nightmare asked. He was tired and overwhelmed by spending over a week stressed out about whatever the Star Sanses had planned.

"I was hungry," Ink answered.

Night was nearly crying. "Please. Please. I am begging you, leave me alone. I will never bother the AUs again."

The artist thought for a moment. "Ok"

And just like that, Ink left. Without any fanfare, the mess was shoved back into the freezer and Nightmare went to bed, so ready for this whole day to be over.

———
I'm actually making good progress on the next chapter for Broken Hourglass. It's been slow going between work and the musical, but thankfully Tech week is almost over and I won't be as dead inside. Yay! Anyway, see ya, imaginary people