I Still Miss You 💔. By A.ZChaudhry

Chapter 52

AVA

Xandros had been working extremely long hours at office to make end meet, since we had started IVF, and it was costing a lot. I rejected the idea many times saying that it was ridiculously wayyy too expensive, but knowing how much I loved babies and craved to have one?? He still went along with it. And due to the extremely high fee of it, it was becoming difficult to run home, so he started working extra long hours at office.

I would sometimes just go there unannounced to see his suit coat on the floor, hair all ruffled and messy, sleeves rolled up, tie loose, glasses perched on his nose and his head buried deep into enormous files as he would continue working. We would sometimes eat food together or even sleep together at his office so that he could wake up early and start work right away.

Never once did he opt out of IVF no matter how much I said it.

And honestly? It killed me. Seeing him work tirelessly for us, to help make my dream come true and what not. I was craving his presence and his company which was becoming nothing but bare minimum. Owen opted to start working as well and help with the expenses but Xandros refused that as well.

I was sitting in the guest room of the second floor, gazing out of the window at the pouring rain, my tears matching the water sliding down the glass panel. Curling my legs inwards, I pressed the side of my head against the wall and just sat there in silence when after a few minutes, I heard the door open. Sniffling and removing my tears away, I turned my head to see happiness leap into my chest as I saw my husband standing at the door, home way way wayyy too early than normal.

I jumped down and ran into his arms, "Heyyy."

He chuckled, closed the door behind and kissed the top of my head, "Hey you."

Godddd, how much I missed this. I laid kiss after kiss at his chest when holding my face and bringing it up, he pressed his lips to mine. My heart fluttered and my eyes closed in upon the feeling when he softly moved his lips against mine, calming the rage within me.

I held onto him for dear life when after a few minutes, we broke the kiss and he laid his forehead against mine, "Why was my darling crying?"

"I-i wasn't."

"Ava."

"Xos, I wasn't-"

He growled in warning, "Ava."

I sighed and hugged him again, pressing the side of my face against his chest when I whispered, "I miss you."

He exhaled a tired breath when holding my hand in his, he pulled me out of the door, "Come on, it's a date tonight for Mrs. Davidson."

*

I sniffled and removed a tear when I looked at my right to see the bed empty. Ayla was sleeping in the cot next to me and Xandros's side was empty. There were no creases there, no sign of anyone having even slept there or even sat there. None.

He totally left us behind.

I grabbed his t-shirt and balling it into my hands, I pressed my nose against the soft fabric and inhaled his scent. It was still there on his clothes and I could never bring myself to wash them or iron them as his smell would fade. And that was the last thing I wanted. I missed him so much that it hurt. It hurt so so bad.

I thought never having a child with the man I love was heartbreak, but I was wrong. Losing that man entirely was the actual heartbreak. Something that I had never expected and was never ready for.

I looked at Ayla's sleeping form and couldn't control the more tears that ran down my cheeks. She didn't even get to meet her father once. She wouldn't know how amazing her dad's hugs were, how peaceful his embrace was and how protective his stance was. She would never know how it feels like to vent out to her father and never get judged upon. How it feels to wake up and run to her father only for him to scoop you in the arms, twirl you around and lay kiss after kiss on your head till you were a laughing mess.

She would never know how amazing her dad was and how much he loved her. How excited he was to meet her, how he was already collecting money and keeping it safe for times that our daughter might need it and no financial crisis should make her uneasy. Xandros was the most excited of us all, decorating the baby room, painting it himself, collecting toys and placing them neatly.

He would randomly go to malls during his break from work and would buy frocks, onesies, dresses, hairpins, bands and whatnot for the little one. He...... he was so happy.

Did he have any idea that he would pass away a month before she would come? Did he have any idea that he wouldn't ever get to meet his own daughter? How would he have reacted if he would have known? No amount of consolation would have calmed him down.

I looked at my bedside table and picked up the frame that had Xandros's picture framed in it. Moving my trembling fingers softly over his face and with tears running down my cheeks, I brought it to my lips and laid a kiss there, "I miss you. I miss you so much."

I was going through a breakdown when Ayla's cries ripped through the air. Kissing Xandros's picture one last time, I placed it on the nightstand and went to grab our little angel. I had fed her, cleaned her up and was trying my level best to calm her down but she was crying a lot. I didn't know what to do because I knew that she wasn't having a stomach ache, then why was she crying? I had absolutely no clue.

I was trying to calm her down when there was a knock on the door. Owen peeked his head in, "Is she okay? Why is she crying so much?"

My chin quivered, "I don't know."

Seeing me on the verge of tears, he quickly closed the door behind and came to us extending his hands, "Give the little devil to me."

I carefully placed a crying Ayla in his arms when he started rocking her back and forth, uttered sweet words to her and kept showering love over her. Her cries quietened down after a few seconds when I looked back and stared silently at my late-husband's picture.

You should have been here.

This should have been you.

She should have wanted to come into your arms.

She should have been with you.

I was still looking at the frame when Owen spoke, "You need to move past him."

Anger fueled up inside me as I snapped my head at him, rage bubbling like hot magma within me as hot as fuck tears left through my eyes, "Don't you dare ever suggest me to forget Xandros."

He had a sympathetic expression on his face, "If I cannot forget him, how can you?"

I was silent when he sighed, "I never said to forget him, I said to move past him. You have Ayla now and she needs her mother. She also lost her father but she doesn't know that yet. You are torturing yourself again and again to a point......." he opened his mouth several times and closed it shut, never uttering a word when I raised my eyebrows, "To a point?"

His voice cracked, "To a point where anger makes you cry."

Owen started crying when I realized for the umpteenth time...... he, too, was in pain over Xandros's death. I went forward to hug him when we stood there together. Ayla had finally stopped crying when I ran a finger down her cheek, "I'm just saying........" and then I whispered, my heart literally shaking due to the pain, "he should have been here. He-he would have known what to do and how to calm her down."

Owen smiled at me, "Obviously. He's the father."

We looked at Ayla as she gazed back at us when I smiled right through my agony, "She resembles him so much."

Owen laughed, nodded and went to sit on the bed cradling her closer than before, "Yeah, I noticed." He then made a face at her and started poking her when she giggled as he mimicked, "We are like dada, aren't we? Replica version?"

She giggled and giggled and giggled when Owen looked at me and our expressions matched. We were laughing and trying to make her smile as tears poured through our eyes, the pain, hurt and agony never fully leaving us.

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One last chapter left till the epilogue, and I am still somewhat unable to digest that I'll be saying goodbye to these characters who played a painful, yet beautiful role in my life.

Peace.

A.ZChaudhry

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