MATED TO THE NIGHT WOLF (MTTNW)

[33.1] IMPRINT

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"Amidst fleeting moments, her memory wanes like a delicate sunset, yet the cherished years we've woven remain etched, timeless, within my soul's embrace."
-Xiirian
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[KAYOS]

The world is nothing but a graveyard of water around me. The water is cold, ice cold, but I revel in the numbness of it all.

I do not feel the cold. The cold is home. The numbness is solitude. And the blurry vision of the space above me is dreamlike. Perhaps if I stay here long enough reality would fade or simply cease to exist.

I stare upwards for minutes beneath the waves but the vision above me remains. Finally sitting up, the water sloshes around me as I take breaths of air in replacing what I missed, my hands pushing my wet locks from my face, breathing harshly until I settle back in the bath, the dimness of the room around me leaving a hollow feeling within me.

The shadows move across my walls and I lazily turn watching Alchest. The shadow is loyal. He stays by my side always.

He is consistent. I can not ask for more.

"I wish to fade," I tell him. My hand reaches out of the bath, gleaming silver around my fingers, and the shadow inches closer.

My head rolls back and I sigh, shutting my eyes, "No- I simply wish to feel nothing."

My hand rests above my heart and I focus on taking in deep breaths, and with each calming breath, I fade slowly. I sink into nothingness, into oblivion, into the darkness around me.

My shadow follows but he soon disappears. It is my place. One he can not reach entirely.

The world is quiet here in the endless. The sun is bright, the grass is green, the flowers shine and there is nothing but peace.

There is release, and the world is bright.

My eyes are closed in the fields of sunshine. This is where I belong. I can feel it here. Nothing of the emotions that haunt me every waking hour. Here, I feel all the emotions I desire.

Emotions that are forgotten when my eyes open, only an echo of them reminding me what I could have if I only stayed.

Happiness, contentment, serenity, hope, everything I could desire-

Yes, all -All but one.

Love. The purest affection.

The endless can not give me that. But this is as close to paradise as I would ever get to that feeling. To me this is heaven, and I am content.

I let out a breath.

I am content.

I wish-

Mother's words echo in my mind. My eyebrows draw together.

It is strange.

I do not think of reality when I am here. I am safe here. Alone. There are no thoughts-

And yet they come in flashes. I am reminded of the threat of war looming, I am reminded of the creature of the endless in my dungeon, I am reminded of the tribunal but to all this, to even the sound of war, I do not feel uneasy or unrest as had Vaeln or mother.

No, I am not rifled by these matters.

I know they are serious but I know I will be able to protect my people, but something else tears me apart. Something else has dragged me to the very bottom, the deepest crevice, and made me seek solace in this place again.