You Saw Me

44

I ended the call with Gayle and excused myself to go to the bathroom. I needed to freshen up a bit and to find the right words to say to Lucy and Dan. I splashed cold water in my face and looked at myself in the mirror. My reflection was not the Ellie, who used to do anything and everything for Adam. This Ellie was the woman, who had had mind-blowing sex with her hot, young boyfriend on the kitchen counter, less than twelve hours ago. This Ellie was told she was beautiful every single day, and not just for her birthday or when she asked for a compliment. This Ellie was free and happy and could say whatever she wanted to. I smiled at my reflection and went back out to Lucy and Dan. 

Dan had gotten me a cup of coffee from the vending machine. The white plastic cup was standing on the table, looking sad and probably too thin. He smiled when I returned, looking worn out and tired. Lucy was looking into space, her eyes red and swollen. I smiled at them and sat down. 

"Have you called his girlfriend?" I asked without hesitation. 

They both looked puzzled. "His what?" Dan asked, looking at Lucy and then at me. 

"His girlfriend", I repeated. "The woman he fell in love with while being married to me?" The look on both their faces told me that he hadn't told them why we got divorced. Like my parents, they had probably been waiting for us to figure things out. 

Lucy let out a little sob and started crying into her hands. Dan was looking at the floor, writhing his hands.

"We didn't know that", he said his voice trailing off, becoming small. This was strike two for their son in one day; drunk driving and a cheater. 

"I'm sorry, I thought he told you", I said reaching out to touch Dan's arm. "I didn't mean to spring that on you". 

Lucy wiped her eyes and reached out for my hand. "Ellie, I'm so sorry", she said. 

I nodded at her and tried to console her. "It's not your fault, Lucy. It's been a bumpy ride and I've gone through the motions, but I'm actually happy now. And I'm so sorry for this", I gestured around me, "but my life is going in another direction.  I'm doing my own thing. I love you guys, you know that. But Adam and me, we're through and I can't sit here and wait for him to wake up. I hope you'll call me and let me know how he is though", I felt lighter and lighter with every word I said. 

Dan's eyes were moist when we said goodbye. I think it dawned on him that this actually was goodbye. There was no reconciliation in sight, their son had done too much damage. "Take care of yourself, kiddo", he whispered as we hugged goodbye. 

I ran down to my car, got in and locked the doors. Then I cried for twenty minutes. Not because of Adam and his family, but because I finally said my piece and stood up for myself.

***

I drove straight home to Henry. He was sitting out on the front step outside the annex. His face lit up when he saw the car coming down the driveway. I hurried out the car as soon as I parked and ran to him. I threw myself into his arms and he lifted me up and held me tight. 

"I missed you so much", I said, kissing his cheeks, temples and forehead. 

He smiled. "I missed you too, love. Is everything alright?"

I nodded. "I told his parents the truth about what happened between us. And I told them that I wasn't going to sit and wait there, because my life is elsewhere". 

Henry put me down and peered into my eyes. He seemed soft and emotional, like he thought I was going to say something else. "Really?" he said in a small voice. 

"I need to be with you, Henry. I need you", I said softly. 

"I need you too", he said as he bent down to kiss me. I kissed him fully immersed in the sensations, feeling the warmth of his breath and the softness of his lips. 

"Were you just sitting here waiting for me?" I asked, holding his hand on our way inside. 

"Yeah. I was worried about you. About what might happen when you saw Adam. If you'd maybe change your mind about me", he sounded insecure and vulnerable.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him. I stepped close to him, so we were touching and I could look up into his eyes. "That is never going to happen, Henry. I love you", I said and reached up to kiss him. Our lips met softly, and the kiss was gentle and sweet. There was a sense of fragility, as if we were handling each other's hearts with care. Our bodies were close, but it was the emotional connection that truly mattered. I closed my eyes, cherishing the feeling of being so close to him. I trusted and cared for him deeply and I wanted him to always remember that. 

"I love you so much", he said. "No one has ever seen me the way you see me". 

I smiled and held my hand to his heart. "You know where my heart is", I sighed. 

***

With the BBMAs only a few days away we had to get ourselves to Beverly Hills. Henry had a home there, so we decided to fly down a few days early to get everything ready. Harry Lambert would meet us there with his crew of stylists. I was nervous in a way I had never been before, but also excited to see how they would style me. 

Henry's home in Beverly Hills was so extravagant that I struggled to find the words. Every room was beautifully decorated, the furniture was breathtaking, and there was a lot of art and personal memorabilia from his life on the road. There were photos of him with friends and family, and no matter where I turned, there was something new that fascinated me. Henry showed me around, laughing at all my little outbursts and comments. His eyes were warm and happy as he showed me everything, from the kitchen to the living room, his home cinema, the pool area, five bathrooms, guest rooms, a home studio, and, in the end, a stunning bedroom

He leaned against the door frame while I walked around the room. It was huge, with an entire wall filled with windows offering an immaculate view over the Hollywood Hills. The bed was grandiose, a high bed with crisp, white linen. 

"So this is where the magic happens?" I asked teasingly, looking innocently at Henry. 

He smirked at me and said: "Let's find out?"