Queens of the game bk1

12. Scared of losing you

"... how do you expect me to heal when you wont let me have peace and space?"

"Because I know that if I let you go, you will never come back to me... I don't know what to do to help us get over what happened, and I hate this feeling like this is the end for us because I can't handle that"

"and I told you all that I need is some space... Surely you can understand that, I'm scared of you Keegan, something that I didn't think I would ever be again, but here I am... Running from you, hiding from you... Scared to look in your eyes... Those eyes that sometimes hold so much love for me, but they can also be so dark...

"So, if you're scared of me, then there really is no point in us being together! I don't want that for you... But what I do know is, I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you... Baby girl, I am so deep in love with you every single time I think that we're getting somewhere something happens and I lose you all over again...

"I have been beaten and battered and bruised by you since we've been together, whether it's my emotions, physically or mentally... As soon as I start to do good, you tell me that I'm doing it wrong, as soon as I start to feel like I'm getting somewhere you tell me that I've trashed it... you want to control me in every aspect of my life. I wore your wedding ring as a symbol of my commitment to you, but even that just isn't enough for you... You seem to think that I'm constantly cheating on you too! I really don't think you know how much that hurts... I have never cheated on you, I have always been by your side, the only time I've ever taken up with anyone else is when we are not together. So to have you continuously look me in my face and tell me you love me and at the same time make accusations about me screwing with your uncle... How the fuck do you think that makes me feel? But then again it's different for you, it is always different for you!... It is absolutely fine for you to tell me to my face that you're going out to let off steam when you think I've done something worth you to be pissed at me for or even if you're passed at anyone else... It really doesn't matter the circumstances it's always me that has to pay for it" she paused and looked at him. "Love, shouldn't be this hard...

Keegan just looked at her. "I can't explain to you why I do those things to you... All I do know, is this time around that wasn't the real me... I would never have done that to you... Not of sane mind" a tear dropped onto his cheek. "Every time I screw another girl... I despise myself, just a lil bit more ... I'm not happy doing what I do, and I'm hoping that this new medication and with the doctors focus, I can change all of that. Charisma, I know I don't deserve you, I tell myself that every single day...

"She is not your mother, you know that right?" She said to him. "So this narcissistic, evil side of you is in your family... But it's not because you're her son...

He looked at her confused.

"Ellie is your mother, Yasmin wanted nothing more than your wealth and your stature" charisma felt for him, she really knew that his whole life had been messed with. She could see the pain in his eyes as she spoke to him right now, like she knew she was the only person that keep hold him together.

He took his gun out of the waistband of his pants. He handed it to charisma with tears dropping onto his cheeks. "Take my life... Please... I can't do this anymore...

Charisma welled with tears. She didn't want to see him like this, she knew he was hurting, but she was too. "I'm not going to do that, fuck your past and who you were born to... You're an amazing father. You have amazing kids and your grandkids love you... You don't need to leave this world because of the likes of Yasmin, and Dean or just about anyone else who fucked with you along the way... But just like you need your space and peace from them, I need my space and peace from you... It is all that I'm asking for just a few weeks, sometime to come to terms with what happened and to think of a way forward for both of us with a clear head..."

"Then go to our place in LA... it is ours.. all that is mine is also yours...

"I need space... Keegan, let me do this my way please..."

He swallowed hard and knew that she wasn't going to back down this time. He knew she needed to do this.

———-

Kat snuggled with Mika in her arms who hadn't let her go since she had gotten to the hospital. Josh sat with them both, Mika wouldn't even look at him.
"Doctor... how is she?." Kat asked.

"You will be glad to hear that she was not sexually assaulted or abused. Though she was beaten, starved and she is dehydrated.. we want to keep her in tonight and get some fluids into her, we've taken X-rays and scans of her bruises...and we just want to monitor her for 24 hours.." she told them.

"can we stay?.." Josh asked.

Mika cupped her mommy's ear. "Can you stay.. not daddy." She said with a whisper which was heard by everyone.

"We'll both stay.." Kat said to the doctor. "Thank you..."

As the doctor left Josh shook his head. "It's probably best if I just go...

Kat put her hand on his arm. "Don't go... you need to be here..." she kissed Mika's cheek. "Baby girl listen to mommy... despite what you might think about daddy not being there when you called him, he was doing everything possible to find you... and if he could have heard you calling him, he would have answered baby... cos your daddy loves you more than anything..."

Mika peered over Kat's shoulder at Josh. He nodded with wet eyes and smiled.

Mika smiled. "You tried to finded me?.."

"Yes and I had a plan.. but nana got there first and I'm so glad that she did... all I wanted was to get my baby girl back..."

Mika looked at him. She then held her arms out to him and he took her from Kat. Kat smiled she was happy to see them fine together.

—————

Keegan arrived back at home. He had let Charisma leave but his heart ached. As he pulled into the drive he had a line of people waiting to have a go at him. Jenson grabbed him and slammed him against his car as he got out. "I told you to leave her alone.. where is she!.." he snapped.

"Gone... she's gone... it's what you've all wanted... y'all can protect her from me now... go back to LA.. where y'all can turn her against me... I'm done.." he said and walked away towards his front door, his hand covering his eyes as he held back his tears. He was to distraught to even care who saw him like this. Everyone just watched him and said nothing.....