Bloodline (Supernatural)

36 - 'We're in the Thick of it Now, Aren't We?'

Hallucination or a manifestation of my guilt...either way, imaginary-Finn is a grade A asshole.

If I've gotten a wink of sleep, I can't remember it. His presence has been a nuisance from the time he returned. And he doesn't seem to have any intention of leaving anytime soon.

"And how does our recovering addict feel today?" comes his usual greeting when I wake.

As usual, I refuse to acknowledge him. Refuse to play along.

"Oh, those bags under your eyes are getting worse!" He tsks. "Careful, Willa. If you get burnt out, you get sick again. That'll set you back even more."

I just want you gone. Go away. I need rest. I need sanity. You're sucking it from me.

"Hmm, maybe I should switch tactics. Since you won't look at me, perhaps I need to switch up my look." Halfway through his words, his tone changes. Warps into someone else's. Someone who sounds familiar...

Before I can stop myself, I turn my head. Cringing, I see Finn has now morphed into Cas. Not Cas in his last moments, but Cas as the first time I met him. Not a spec of blood on his trench coat. Trusting blue eyes. He has a kind face, but I know this isn't really Cas.

"What do you think?" Finn-Cas gestures to himself. "Will you look at me now?"

"Stop it," I say, my tone wavering.

"Aw, am I hitting a nerve?" The mockery ruin's Cas's monotone voice. It morphs it sinisterly. A sneer twists his mouth. "Finally, I'm getting somewhere! No more silent treatment for me!"

"Switch back," I demand weakly. I slowly get out of bed. Surprisingly, I'm stable on my feet. For now. "You have no right—"

"To remind you of what you did? Um, yes, I do, Wills." That nickname sounds wrong out of Finn-Cas's mouth. "You need to know what you've done. You need to know it will never leave you."

"I already know!" My voice is hoarse as it rises in pitch. "I already know I've got blood on my hands! That I'm not well. That I might never be, because of you!"

"Do you wish I had killed you at your Homecoming dance?"

My mouth quivers. "N-no."

"Are you sure? Hindsight being what it is, it would've saved you all of this." He gestures to my detox room. "It's okay to admit it. It'll be our secret."

This is the withdrawal talking. I don't want to die. I just want this to end. I want to go home with Mom. To know that Sam and Dean live the quiet life they thought they would never get. I just want peace.

"Stop pretending to be him," I say. "You think that I don't beat myself up over killing him? Knowing that I had a legitimate chance to get out, and I ruined it? I let Hell get the best of me, and because of that, the Winchesters lost their best friend!" Emotion rises in my chest. "I don't need the guilt trip, I need closure. I need peace. You are the embodiment of everything opposite of that!"