30 - No Better Way

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For the first time since I've been here, I can say that I've gotten sleep

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For the first time since I've been here, I can say that I've gotten sleep. Not good sleep, but just enough to where I feel like I won't die if I pass out from exhaustion. Mix that in with the amenities that the King of Hell has graced me with, plus the occasional feeding of demon blood into my system, and I'm better off than I have been.

There's little talk about the plan to take out the King of Hell since Finn offered it to me. He'll sneak me some demon blood, as that's not part of the agreement of my privileges from when I killed Cas.

Lately, I've thought about him a lot. He and I had interrogated Finn all that time ago, and now here I am, taking blood from the demon. Not that a dead angel's opinion will change anything now, but I can't help but wonder if he would scold me for this decision. Maybe he would see things my way and understand, even if there could've been a better way.

At this point, there is no better way.

While I refuse to call Hell home, it has been a little better. I think it's from the rest and blood I've been getting. I no longer feel feverish, but I'm not at peak form. I don't practice with the magic in my veins, as I'm sure as soon as I try a wandering demon will see and rat me out. I don't want my privileges taken away.

When I get out of here, I'm finding Mom and we're going back to our lives. Screw this. Screw hunting. Screw my hunter bloodline. I just want to be me again, not what everyone expects me to be just because my real last name is Winchester.

I can't believe that in the middle of this chaos, I found my birth father. Someone who hadn't even known I'd existed until he and his brother, and their angelic friend, had saved me from becoming demon chow at my Homecoming dance. We didn't have time to explore that avenue once it opened up, and I'm not sure that I want to explore it after this is all done. Having an attachment to a hunter, that connection...it's brought all this on me as it is. I don't want to have anything else barge into my life because of Sam Winchester.

As sad as it will be to not have a proper relationship with him, it's probably for the best if I don't. It'll save us all the extra trouble.

"Oof, why the long face, Wills?"

I quickly fix my face, even though I don't know what expression I'm really showing to Finn. "I'll give you two guesses. You here for some quality time?"

Finn takes careful watch of his surroundings before he lets himself into my slice of hell. "Please tell me that puppy-dog look on your face was at the thought of knowing that once you get out of here, you're gonna miss me."

I snort. "As if, demon. You're a means to an end." Just as I am. I need to be careful. One wrong step, and he'll have all the reason in the world to kill me. Or not. Demons don't need a reason to kill.

"Gee, tell me how you really feel. If I'm to be your verbal punching bag, I'll come back at another time."

"I'll lock it up." I gesture for his arm.

Finn puts us back into a shadowy corner of my cell, away from watchful eyes. The transition doesn't screw my vision up, as I've been in this long enough to see clearly. I catch myself licking my lips as he makes the small cut on his arm. When I make the attempt to grab it, he smacks me away gently.

"If we're to work together here, we need to be on the same page," he scolds me. He waits a few long moments before he hands over my source of strength.

I close my eyes, sighing in relief. I keep them shut, as I don't want to make any awkward eye contact with Finn as I take his blood. Every time I feed, the seed of shame grows bigger inside of me. The only thing that keeps this as rational in my mind is that this is necessary. This is part of the path that will get me out of Hell.

Finn gently pushes me off, and I hold myself back from snatching his arm like a greedy addict. I wipe my mouth of any drippage. Some renowned strength flows through my veins. My head feels a little clearer.

"Brought you something a little extra, too." He pulls out a blood bag from behind him. "I had to convince a few for the cause. Just make sure you keep that hidden."

"I will." I snatch the bag from him, careful to not accidentally puncture it.

"I won't be able to do this often, so savor that bag. Since you know your body, you gotta tell me when you feel you're strong enough. And don't go lying to me about it. We've got a window to pull this off. I don't want to miss it all because you get greedy."

"I want out of here as much as you want the king dead," I deadpan. "You really think I'd screw that up?"

"All depends on your will power when it comes to the blood." Finn slowly removes himself from the shadows, back towards the exit of my cell. "I'll work on some sentry changes down here so if you happen to get sloppy with your drinks, you'll be less likely to get caught."

"You've got that much sway with the others?"

"Work in progress. Rebellion can be quite the motivator."

As Finn leaves me be, I look down at the bag in my hands. I have to want my freedom more than this blood. If I am the reason we miss our window, I may never get out of here.

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